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Somewhere along the way is a terrific lyric and song title by the band, DAWES. Click play on that video and give it a listen.

These are the last lyrics to the song…

But somewhere along the way I started to smile again
I don’t remember when
Somewhere along the way
Things will turn out just fine
I know it’s true this time

So many things happen somewhere along the way. The older we get, the further up the trail we travel. Somewhere along the way just about anything and everything happens. Things we didn’t bargain for. Other things we caused. Intentionally. Unintentionally.

Every life consists of the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. It’s the dramatic contrasts that make up every life. Life may be a highway, but it’s not quite like that open, clear and straight stretch. Well, not for long. Our lives have bumps, twists, turns, potholes and hazards. Unlike Waze, which warns us, life doesn’t always provide ample notice.

But today I’m not concentrating on the downside. Or the unexpected drama. Instead, I’m thinking of the things we’ve been able to figure out somewhere along the way. The lessons we learned. The growth we experienced. All because we’re on this highway of our life with more road ahead of us to traverse. Feeling the need, if not the urgency, to get it even more figured out so we can have the best journey possible.

Today, and I suppose every day, it should be about our collective efforts to help each other figure it out so we can make the trip profitable, impactful and memorable.

Do you know what’s mostly missing from that featured image for today’s show? People. There are no people in that image and that makes the trip boring, unprofitable and pretty worthless.

This morning I had a long breakfast meeting with one of my former clients – one of my very favorite former clients. We spent considerable time talking about relationships and why we matter to each other. Not just he and I, but why so many people in our lives matter. We both know it’s because somewhere along the way we needed somebody, and somewhere along the way, we were needed by somebody.

Let’s face it. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. There’s a considerable amount of hatred, bigotry, and judgment. Somewhere along the way, we lost our compassion. Somewhere along the way, grace gave way to harsh condemnation. Somewhere along the way many of us lost our way in how to build meaningful relationships with others.

Somewhere along the way we lost our willingness to cut each other some slack.

Somewhere along the way we lost our curiosity to confirm whether our assumptions or conclusions were accurate or not.

Somewhere along the way we lost our way toward living more deeply honest lives, opting instead for Internet fame measured by followers, shares and likes.

Somewhere along the way we lost our humanity. Our hearts grew colder, more judgmental and bitter. Resentment overtook us and somewhere along the way we embraced feeling victimized. We surrendered our hearts and our control over our own choices.

Of course, we didn’t all lose it. Or surrender it. But it’s growing increasingly difficult to guard our hearts and protect ourselves from the hatred, intolerance and harsh judgment.

Somewhere along the way lots of people got lost. I watched Operation Toussaint on Amazon Prime the other day. It’s a documentary about Tim Ballard, an ex-Homeland Security officer who is now the founder and CEO of Operation Underground Railroad, a non-profit dedicated to rescuing enslaved children. According to Tim, the population of enslaved people is higher today than at any other time in human history. According to AntiSlavery.org, there are an estimated 5 million children enslaved throughout the world. That number proves the high demand of sick people willing to sell, buy and trade children for sex or work. Somewhere along the way these people stopped behaving as humans with care, concern, and compassion for children. Somewhere along the way, they grow so selfish and so depraved that they’re nothing but a scourge on the world.

How is it possible for human beings to become so steeped in sin and corruption? I often look for answers, likely searching in the bushes of complexity for what may likely be simpler answers. That most of us simply decide to do what we want. Somewhere along the way we decide we’ll do what we most want to do, no matter what. No matter who is hurt. No matter what damage is done. Along the way convincing ourselves that we deserve the ability to do whatever it is we most want to do.

It’s a desolate journey. A road not less traveled, but a road more traveled. Self-centeredness. Selfishness.

Leaning toward wisdom is the name of the podcast. Not leaning toward foolishness. So I want to turn this ship around and set sail for the shores of OPTIMISM to what may be a far away country from where you currently are, HOPE. There’s something marvelous about this country called HOPE. It’s grossly underpopulated. There are no walls or narrow ports of entry. Nobody needs a passport or visa. Citizenship is open to anybody who simply decides to go there and abide by the rules that govern the place…you just have to keep hope alive and display it in your life. Lose compassion and care for others and you lose hope. It’s that simple.

Being Responsible

Somewhere along the way, we learn to accept responsibility for ourselves or we learn to put the blame on others. It’s a fairly binary lesson we learn even though we execute it on a scale that often slides around. Some days we’re more victim than responsible. Other days we’re more responsible than victim. The key is to veer as strongly as we can, every single day, toward being responsible. Taking care of ourselves and owning our own outcomes.

As adults, we have to embrace personal responsibility because we are – responsible. Those enslaved kids that Tim Ballard rescues…they’re true victims. They’re not responsible for what has happened to them. But we’re not them. We’re adults. We make choices every day to do whatever it is we do. When our outcomes aren’t what we want – or hope them to be – it’s up to us to change our course…somewhere along the way. To figure out what we must do to improve and grow. To become responsible.

It’s The Path To Our Ability To Help Others By First Helping Ourselves

Lost souls. On the lost highway. Leon Payne was a Texas born and bred songwriter. Hank Williams, Sr. recorded one of his songs in 1949, Lost Highway. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers also recorded it in 2006. You can see video of their performance in the documentary, Running Down A Dream.

I’m a rollin’ stone all alone and lost
For a life of sin I have paid the cost
When I pass by all the people say
Just another guy on the lost highway
Just a deck of cards and a jug of wine
And a woman’s lies makes a life like mine
O the day we met, I went astray
I started rolling down that lost highway
I was just a lad, nearly twenty two
Neither good nor bad, just a kid like you
And now I’m lost, too late to pray
Lord I take a cost, o the lost highway
Now boy’s don’t start to ramblin’ round
On this road of sin are you sorrow bound
Take my advice or you’ll curse the day
You started rollin’ down that lost highway

Job one is to get off the lost highway. It’s not the road to hope and humanity. But it’s overcrowded fooling us into thinking it’s the road to somewhere.

Somewhere along the way we hopefully look around more closely and gauge the behavior of the folks on the lost highway. It’s then that we wake up, realizing we’re behaving just like them. And it’s not wise. Or good.

Hope Manifested

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”

― William Hutchison Murray

We can create our own hope, increase our own humanity and become better people. But not until we’re committed to something other than our selfishness.

Serendipity is a real thing. So is providence.

Few things trump the power of a mind made up. Couple a mind made up with a mind determined to forge ahead and you’ve got an unrivaled superpower.

Investigation Discovery is a favorite TV channel in our house. I admit it can be very depressing to watch how cruel and unreasonable people can behave toward others. Especially family. But rather than making me more callous, it fuels my already high empathy. Empathy for the investigators and law enforcement folks trying to solve the murders. Empathy for the family members dealing with the aftermath of the horrific experiences. Empathy for all the victims.

To what are you committed as you motor down the road? Somewhere along the way, there are tons of opportunities for selfish wickedness. But somewhere along the way are many more opportunities for hope, helpfulness, and expressions of compassion. What we choose along the way determines the destination. There’s the lead I’m so fond of burying in most episodes. That somewhere along the way we make up our minds what we’ll do, how we’ll behave toward others, what actions we’ll engage in, to what emotions and decisions we’ll surrender…and they all add up to determine our destiny.

We’re tempted to not think so. Life urges us to finger point, feel sorry for ourselves, blame others…and to live with wishful thinking. Wishing our lives had been better. Wishing somebody would save us from our own stupidity and foolishness. Wishing for more without paying the high price required. Wishing for happiness without sacrifice. Wishing for relationships without having to submit to anything except what we most want ourselves.

Along the way means we’re moving. Hopefully, forward. But maybe not. Many lives are meandering. Some, in the ditch. Like truckers, it’s important that we keep it between the white lines. Equally critical that we stay in our lane and not swerve into oncoming traffic. Life may be a highway, but we still have to be careful and watchful.

We tend to think of life along the way as just one way. But like your favorite vacation destination, you have to know the folks who live there vacation somewhere else. Maybe they go to your hometown. One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor and all that.

The destinations of life vary. To each his own.

But no matter where you’re aiming to go, there’s a right way and wrong way to get there. Sometimes it’s helpful to delay our goal in order to help somebody get further along toward their own destination. Quite often we find such actions propel us forward toward our own goal. It’s the upside of unintended consequences. They’re not always negative.

Somewhere along the way we learn. We grow. We improve. We find out what matters the most. Who matters the most. But it only happens when we’re dedicated to being better human beings.

I’ll leave you with the lyrics of another song Somewhere Along The Way that was recorded in 1951 by Nat King Cole. It was written by Kurt Adams, with lyrics by Sammy Gallop.

I used to walk with you
Along the avenue
Our hearts were carefree and gay
How could I know I’d lose you
Somewhere along the way?
The friends we used to know
Would always smile “Hello”
No love like our love they’d say
Then love slipped through our fingers
Somewhere along the way
I should forget
But with the loneliness of night I start remembering everything
You’re gone and yet
There’s still a feeling deep inside
That you will always be part of me
So now I look for you
Along the avenue
And as I wander I pray
That some day soon I’ll find you
Somewhere along the way
I should forget
But with the loneliness of night I start remembering everything
You’re gone and yet
There’s still a feeling deep inside
That you will always be part of me
So now I look for you
Along the avenue
And as I wander I pray
That some day soon I’ll find you
Somewhere along the way
Somewhere along the way

Who are you looking for somewhere along the way? I hope it’s somebody to help. Somebody to encourage. Somebody to listen to, and understand. Somebody who may just be the somebody able to do for you what nobody else can. Or will.

 

Help The Yellow Studio & The Leaning Toward Wisdom Podcast Get A Rode Rodecaster Pro

Now that Sweetwater has the unit, I’m linking up their E-gift-card link (you can enter ANY amount you want): https://www.sweetwater.com/shop/gift-cards/email

Use email: RandyCantrell [at] gmail [dot] com

 

The Reward – For A Special Leaning Toward Wisdom (LTW) Episode

• 10-minute Skype call with me (30 minutes if you donate $25 or more)
• The topic: tell me about a time when somebody really encouraged you in a meaningful way
• This will provide content for a special episode about encouragement
• I’ll include your name and any links you care to promote (or if you prefer, you can remain anonymous because I still want the stories)

It’s the power of others. And it includes the power of others to help the LTW podcast. Thank you for all your support!

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The title is a line from William Faulkner’s 1930 novel, As I Lay Dying. I don’t know if you believe in an afterlife or not. But the line Faulkner wrote during the 168 or so odd hours he spent writing this story, from the hours of midnight to 4 am over the course of six weeks, captures not only our imagination but our emotions. It’s not lost on me that 168 hours is also the number of hours in one week. Nor is it lost on me that this work was produced in 1929 while Faulkner while worked night shifts at the University of Mississippi Power House. I suppose keeping tabs on a power plant at night isn’t arduous enough work to prevent a writer from writing. But then again, perhaps nothing is powerful enough to prevent a true writer from writing. He’d just gotten married and was only 32.

I’m well past 32, but the line he wrote in the wee hours of one night in 1929 provides sober notions of what really matters in our life. And provides some sense of urgency about what we must do with life in this sphere.

In 2016 a TED talk was published featuring Robert Waldinger, the current director of a 75-year study on adult development. In the presentation, Dr. Waldinger, a psychiatrist, asks and answers the question, “What makes a good life?” I only take issue with the lack of spiritual considerations, but you should take about 13 minutes and watch it. Spoiler alert: it’s relationships!

It’s not money. Or fame. Or power. It’s people. It’s connection.

From a work perspective – and even a personal perspective – our lives are largely measured by the people in our lives. Those we surround ourselves with. Those who allow us to surround them.

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.” 

That’s another line from the novel. Brilliant enough to make me envious of Faulkner’s wordsmithing talents.

Leaning toward wisdom is hard work. Doable, but hard.

This is about living. It’s about living in a way where we have far more great moments than not. Where we’re impacting people by helping them achieve levels of success unlikely without us. Where our family, friends and other people we care about are positively influenced by us. Where encouragement is high.

I’m driven by two words: legacy and significance.

I don’t consider Faulkner’s words to be so morose.  I consider them challenging. Challenging us to get to the heart of the matter. To face the reality of why do what we do, or why we make the choices we make. Of all the things we could be doing instead of whatever it is we’re doing — we’re choosing to do this. Why?

Death is the end of life here. If we assume we’ll live to be 80 or older, it’s not a lot of time. You’re likely between the ages of 27 and 70. Maybe you’re younger. Maybe older. No matter. You’re either statistically ahead of the “death curve” or behind it. Meaning, you’ve either got more future in front of you than past, or you’ve got more past behind you than future in front of you. This timeline of life is always moving us further up the road toward the end. It’s our reality. All of us.

What Are You Doing With Your Time?

The crux of my work with CEO’s, business owners and leaders isn’t time management. For starters, I don’t believe in it. Not for myself anyway. I prioritize on the fly. Always have. I scan what’s happening and immediately (with speed) put the urgent and important thing up at the very top. Urgent but less important things tend to not be considered urgent for me. I have trouble labeling anything urgent that isn’t important. Illustration: I was out and about and my gas light came on. I pulled into a gas station and fueled up. The morning 38-ounce water bottle I had emptied was catching up with me. I had the urge, but the gas station was one of those cashier booth only kind of places. So I fill up and head toward home. By the time I got home it was urgent. Might not seem so important, but tell my bladder that. It was URGENT. And it was IMPORTANT. I guess somebody may be able to convince me there’s a way something can be urgent without being important, but I don’t live like that. So, I prioritize in real-time. Always have.

And I get stuff done, then move on. My objective is to fix it the first time, if possible. I’m not interested in patching it up so it’ll hold for a bit to buy me more time. Why would I want to come back and mess with it again if I’m here right now messing with it? It’s a point of view. You can have a different one and I won’t think less of you.

It all speaks to how we deal with TIME. I’ve just given you a glimpse of how I deal with it. It’s important for us to think more deeply about it because it’s all we’ve got. Our hours, days, months and years make up our lives. And the lives of the people who matter to us.

People.

What are you doing with your time and the people in your life?

I’m very involved in church work. The other day somebody asked me about that work and I told them how there are many young adults in my life (my favorite people). Right now, I’m completely focused on serving them to see who may be able and willing to one day serve in leadership. In short, I said, “I’m working really hard to grow future leaders.” First, I had to – and I still have to – invest in myself to become a better leader. And I do.

I spend time with myself. I spend time with other people. I’m much less focused these days on some specific work product as I am the people producing or helping produce the work product. Yes, the work product matters, but a funny thing happens when you put the attention where it can serve you best – on the people (and this includes yourself). The work product dramatically improves. Problems get solved more quickly. More permanently. Opportunities get spotted more quickly, too. And taken advantage of. People gain energy. And enthusiasm when we begin to understand that they’re the horsepower behind the engine that is our business!

We’re all gonna be dead much longer than we’ll be alive. That is, we’ll be on this planet for a brief time. The world will go on without us much, much longer than it will go on with us.

That’s urgency!

That’s important!

It’s also why the third leg of the trifecta of business building exists. Over at GrowGreat.com where I serve leaders I often talk about the trifecta of business building: getting new customers, serving existing customers better and not going crazy in the process.

Can we operate our businesses and our lives without losing ourselves? Can we live our lives and enhance ourselves? Can we live in a way that drives success higher than before…while at the same time finding greater joy? Yes, yes and yes.

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.” 

You have to think about it. Then you have to believe it. That it’s possible. And you’ve got to feel it deep down where you really live.

When you do, it’ll change everything. For the better. Your actions will be congruent to make it so. Lord willing, somewhere down the line, you’ll be able to look back with fond memories of how well you did. And it’ll happen because of the people you decided to give your attention to, and the people you allowed to give to you.

Craving Encouragement: The Hatching Of An Idea

Craving Encouragement began as just a truth unraveled by the realization that no matter who we are, or our station in life…every single one of us craves somebody willing and able to walk with us through our struggles. Not somebody who will cheerlead us with trite phrases – “You can do anything you put your mind to” – but people who love us, care about us and want to do whatever they can to serve us. It’s our universal craving for deeper connection and deeper encouragement.

Every human being craves connection. Perhaps introverts, like me, crave fewer, but deeper connection. Extroverts may lean more toward a wider variety of connections. Those details don’t matter so much. Mostly, what we all crave is a human connection with somebody who understands us in all of our context. That makes these connections valuable, but it also makes them rare.

We have many slashes behind our name. The various titles and roles we have. The struggle is compounded because finding somebody – developing a close relationship with somebody – who fully understands all these slashes is really hard. Harder still to find such a person who loves us enough to seek our very best — even if it means challenging us, pushing us and doing all the things necessary to encourage us through our toughest times.

Tough times are often made tougher because we’re unwilling to be vulnerable enough with people who care about us. It’s a protection thing. Fearful that we may be hurt, we avoid letting down our guard enough to allow somebody to encourage us. The surgeon capable of saving our life also has the capacity to do us harm. Trust…deep enough trust that we know the surgeon is working hard to help us, we willingly put our trust in this person. In a similar fashion, if we’ll be served by those willing to encourage us, we have to be open to the possibility, however remote, that we may suffer. The power to help also has the power to harm. We have to be willing to face both realities.

Sometimes we’ll be hurt. But hopefully, more often than not, we’ll be served. And be able to serve.

Have you ever hurt somebody you really love? Of course. We’ve all done that. Hopefully, not because our aim was to do them harm, but because we were careless, or ignorant…or just human! Craving encouragement is a valid desire. Examine the perceived intentions of the people who surround you. Not all the people who surround us are created equally. Look for the people in your life with the very best intentions. Look for the people in your life who you admire and love the most, and those who love and admire you.

Learn to encourage. It’s the quickest path to elevating your own reception of encouragement. It’s also the ideal path toward making a deeper mark on the world, by making a bigger impact on the lives of the people you care about most. Helping others is the reason for living.

Wednesday afternoon late, I lost a lifelong person like that. Here’s what I posted on Facebook about him, along with a photograph containing a line by poet Thomas Campbell. ” To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”

Barney Owens left this world for the next late yesterday afternoon, Wednesday – February 20, 2019 around 5:15pm EST. He was a lifelong friend, confidant and mentor. The phrase in scripture that has always most reminded me of Barney is “a word fitly spoken.”

Proverbs 25:11-13 “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold
In settings of silver. Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear. Like the cold of snow in time of harvest Is a faithful messenger to those who send him, For he refreshes the soul of his masters.”

Barney was never verbose. With simple, straightforward Kentucky bred wit he’d always find words that would cut to the chase.

When I was much younger it was apparent we shared more than Faith. Barney was a reader and a pondering man. Studying at the feet of Edwin Morris for many years, I’d often smile when listening to Barney encourage me or challenge me using a phrase I’d heard Edwin use so many times. “I’ve been studying about that,” he’d say. Barney was a studying man. I wanted to benefit as much as possible from his endeavors.

He held a unique spot in my world – a man capable and willing to caringly challenge. Unafraid to tell me where he feared I may be going awry. Pushing me to study more. So many times he’d begin a sentence with one verb, “Think.” For example, “Think about…” and he might mention a verse of scripture (more likely than not) or something he’d been pondering during the many miles he spent behind the steering wheel. Barney Owens was thoughtful about the Scriptures.

People lament growing older because of the toll it takes on health and finances. Those aren’t at the forefront of my growing older. Losing mentors is proving the most challenging of all for me.

I’m working hard to be responsible and wise so I can pass it on. All the lessons men like Barney taught me. All the hours invested to serve me. To make me better. To make me however good I may be. I’m the product of the people who have surrounded me. My faults are entirely my own.

I’m a better man because Barney Owens was my friend. I loved him very much. And thankfully last Friday in a phone conversation, our last, we took the opportunity to express that to each other.

I’ll miss him very much, but I’ll think of him often. And I’ll remember the truths he taught me so I can teach them to others.

Getting ready to stay dead a long time means we have to make the most of each day. The Bible makes it clear that God created mankind and that He created us for His glory. The ultimate purpose of man, according to the Bible, is to glorify God.

Isaiah 43:7 “everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

Of course, the big question is, “How?”

Mark 12:30-31 “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

There’s the reason for living. And if like me, you believe in a life beyond this one, then you believe being dead for a long time – dead physically – means spending eternity somewhere. Life here is preparation for a longer life elsewhere. Eternally.

It means putting forth a big effort to help others should become a bigger priority for us.

Do you want to show the podcast your support? Let me tell you how. Click here.

Thanks for listening.

RC

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Denny Crane wouldn’t change one thing about himself. Alan Shore, James Spader’s character, asks Denny what he’d change about himself. Denny replies, “Nothing.” That’s why he’s one of the greatest TV characters of all time. Denny Crane epitomized self-confidence, but more importantly…he was completely comfortable, no, pleased…about who and what he is. Genius! I miss that show, Boston Legal.

It’s a good question though.

As kids we’d throw a ball at a buddy and shout, “Think quick.” So let me throw you a question with the same challenge, “Think quick!”

What would you change about yourself? 

I doubt I’ve got any Denny Crane types listening to my podcast. If I do, let me hear from ya! 😉

The entire self-help (ahem, personal development) industry is based on the truth that most of us (maybe ALL of us) would change something about ourselves. Sometimes we know what it might be. Other times we might be stumped. We just know this ain’t it.

Mostly, I suspect people are aware of what they’d like to change…they just aren’t sure how. I was taught, through books when I was still a kid, that successful people don’t obsess about how. They mostly focus on who can help them, and get very focused on what they want to accomplish. I confess that was hard for me because…well, I was a teenager. I didn’t have a network of people who could or would help me figure it out. Whatever IT may be.

“Make the most of yourself….for that is all there is of you.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I started reading self-help books when I was young. I don’t remember the first one I read, but it was very likely, How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I’m pretty sure I started reading them because I was curious about improving myself. Truth be told, I wanted to be better. Denny Crane moments didn’t often occur in my life as a kid. They still don’t. 😉

There are so many things I’d change about myself that I doubt an Excel spreadsheet has the computing power to database them all. And yet I’m comfortable – especially at this age – with who and what I am. I’m a walking contradiction like that, I guess.

Sitting here inside The Yellow Studio listening to an album by Francis King that came out last year, Ask For The Moon, I started thinking more deeply and specifically about it. “Asking for the moon” is tantamount to asking for something that is seemingly impossible. At the very least, it’s quite difficult. Are there changes you’d make in yourself that seem impossible? Or very difficult?

With Francis singing to me through my headphones I started thinking how making big changes – seemingly impossible ones – are most worthwhile. I started to think back to the books and my attraction to that section of the bookstores, SELF-HELP. So I pondered it, took a stroll through my bookshelves and concluded – perhaps incorrectly, I’m not sure – that Stephen Covey’s 1989 bestseller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, may have been among the first to distill a variety of notions put forth by the self-help crowd. I’m not saying it was the first book to capture my attention or even the first content I seriously consumed and considered. Not by a long shot.

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”  ― Steven Wright

My maternal grandfather had some books on a little table by his evening chair. Guys had evening chairs back in the day. Maybe they still do. I’ve not had a chair (that’s dad’s chair) since my kids were toddlers. I’ve only had one and that one was it. I’m so deprived, no wonder there are so many things I would change about myself? 😀

“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”  ― William Faulkner

The year before I was born, in 1956, Earl Nightingale produced an audio record entitled, The Strangest Secret. I know I’ve had a recording of that since high school. I’m fairly sure I first heard it while I was in junior high. I remember being in junior high realizing that all the self-help books I knew about came from the insurance industry. By the time I was in high school I understood that all the sales books were also written by folks in the insurance game. Earl Nightingale owned an insurance agency. I’d later learn that before he was 30 he read Napoleon Hill’s classic, Think and Grow Rich. It changed his life and set him off on a career in motivation. By 1960 he had formed Nightingale-Conant with Lloyd Conant. Supposedly, the trigger idea for Nightingale was Napoleon Hill’s words that “we become what we think about.” This didn’t raise an eyebrow for me because I was trained in a Christian home where the Bible was read regularly. So from the time I was a child I knew the first part of Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinketh within himself, so is he.” I knew Napoleon Hill wasn’t the first to figure that out.

My quest to improve wasn’t likely driven so much by anything more than the notion that I can do better. I can be better. The truth that I’m not as good as I can be.

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.”  ― Albert Einstein

It wasn’t driven and isn’t driven today, by any belief that I was pathetic, inadequate, wretched or weak. I’ve almost always been comfortable in who I am. But I’ve also always been dissatisfied with who I presently am relative of who I hope to be tomorrow. The feeling is more optimistic than pessimistic. Discontentment with today based on the hope of tomorrow has never seemed like some negative curse to me, but instead an ongoing challenge to constantly improve.

Kaizen is the Japanese term for improvement. It means “change for the better.” I was in the consumer electronics and was familiar with Japanese manufacturers (suppliers) like Sony, Panasonic and Pioneer. Korea and Taiwan manufacturers would come much later, by the way. I’ve heard Kaizen and Ichiban (Japanese for number 1) for as long as I can remember. Kaizen properly describes what I’ve chased.

Change For The Better

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”  ― Ernest Hemingway

I’m not saying I’ve achieved it. Sometimes I have. Other times I’ve missed dreadfully.

Now, back to the question that we’re trying to wrestle down…

What would you change about yourself?

Sure, it can be anything. Weight? Fine. Fitness? That’s okay, too. Your nose? Okay, let’s not dive too deeply into vanity issues. Weight and fitness are health issues that we should take somewhat seriously. Get a nose job if it matters that much to you. Just please don’t get duck lips, or all this other stuff done to your face or body. Side note: Have you seen this Netflix movie, Bird Box with Sandra Bullock? This thing is breaking records and I just don’t get it. For starters, it’s not that good. And if you can watch Sandra Bullock, who I always thought was very attractive in a natural sort of way, without being fascinated by whatever facial surgery she’s had done…then you’re better than me.

Let me ask you something. Does it make sense to you that the older we get – if we’re fairly consistent in trying to improve ourselves – that the list of things we’d change should get shorter? Yeah, that makes sense to me, too. So why doesn’t it work that way. Instead, for me, the list just seems to be getting longer. It’s like I should have stopped decades ago. While I was ahead.

The explanation is pretty esay actually. We get smarter and wiser over time. Years ago the list was crazy long, but we didn’t see it. We couldn’t see the many things that needed changing so we incorrectly thought, “I’m good.” No, we weren’t. Ignorance is bliss…and bliss belongs to the young.

I figure by the time I die my list will so long it’ll consume most of my free Evernote account.

Do you ever think you’d like to change something, then you do it…and feel like you should change back? Yeah, me neither!

Sometimes it’s not something I want to change permanently. Meaning, I’m not trying to change how I behave generally, but there are moments where I’d like to change my behavior situationally. So I do. And then I can be prone to think, “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.” It may not be that we’re jerks – that would require a permanent change, at least it would if we wanted to improve. Sometimes we’re temporarily jerks. It requires a momentary, hopefully, an instantaneously change. That’s what happens when we sincerely apologize.

I grew up being taught that “I’m sorry” means you won’t do it again. I get that sentiment, but I don’t agree with it. It matters what we’re apologizing for, of course. Not every transgression is equal. Neither is every apology.

If you cheat on your spouse that apology is much different than if you forget to carry out the trash, and they get angry about it. Restitution is different, too. The punishment fits the crime.

Cheat on your spouse and if you’d have them forgive you, then you absolutely better mean “I will never do it again.” Forget to carry out the trash and a sincere apology may mean you don’t intend to neglect it again in the future, but you’re not likely making such a strong commitment about the trash. Fidelity versus trash is no contest. Changes vary based on the severity – and the consequences – of not changing.

Continue to cheat on your spouse and your shameful conduct will destroy your home. That’s selfishness that avoids changing for the better. No improvement. Just selfish fulfillment of what you want.

Carry out the trash, but every now and again it slips past you…well, the consequences of that aren’t likely all that bad.

Are you committed to your own improvement?

I guess that’s really the question to be answered. And let’s define improvement as behaving with wisdom. It’s about being a good person. And it includes treating yourself in a morally upright way, and treating others well, too. It’s about an ongoing quest to become the very best person you can be. Selfishness ruins the quest. Always! Self-awareness fuels it. Always!

When I say it’s change for the better, that doesn’t mean it’s just better for you. An extra-marital affair may seem “for the better” for the cheating spouse, but it’s wrong on every level. But that brings up the subjective nature of better. It’s absolutely relative, but is there a commitment to ongoing improvement? Is it a sham or is it real? Do you really want to become a better human or are you just trying to fool people?

Be honest with yourself. Trust the people who love you to be honest with you. This isn’t work to tackle in isolation because you’re not going to always see things accurately. You’re prone to blind spots and biases.

Public speakers are prone to think they’re better than they really are. Recordings don’t lie, but people can still fail to perceive reality. A speaker with a number of annoying and distracting verbal crutches continues to use them. He’s unaware of them. Even listening to himself, or watching himself doesn’t show him what needs to be corrected so he can improve. Until somebody points it out. Then he has the opportunity to hear himself or watch himself in a whole new light. His awareness is the genesis of improvement.

USA Today had a story the other day that got my attention. It was entitled, From ‘Misery’ to marvelous: Kathy Bates credits ‘mindfulness’ for 60-pound weight loss.

Veteran actress Kathy Bates has dropped an impressive 60 pounds, but it wasn’t the result of any trendy dieting plan.

Instead, the star of “Misery” and “American Horror Story” told Us Weekly she dropped the weight through “mindfulness, just knowing when to push my plate away.”

Bates explained, “My niece told me this little secret — I guess it’s no secret, it’s a biological thing — that at some point when you’re eating, you have this involuntary sigh and that’s really your brain and your stomach communicating that you’ve had enough. The trick is to pay attention to that and push your plate away.”

The 70-year-old actress, who has been shedding the weight since last year, says it took a while to develop the ability to do that.

“It took a few years,” Bates said. “I would say you have to be really patient … I don’t like the word ‘willpower,’ but I like the word ‘determination.’”

Six years after undergoing a double mastectomy for breast cancer, the Oscar and Emmy winner says, “I have never been in such good health.”

Bates, who also cropped and dyed her hair dark last year, even expressed remorse for not doing it sooner.

“I feel like a completely different person,” she told Us Weekly. “I can move, I can walk. I just wish I had done it years ago.”

Kathy Bates got some helpful insights from her niece. A small detail that made a big improvement. Another person helped Kathy figure this out. Her niece couldn’t do this for her though. Kathy had to make up her own mind. Her improvement had to be her decision.

The story captured my imagination a bit by the tactic of paying close attention to the involuntary sigh. What involuntary sighs exist in our lives that we ignore? By paying close attention to them we may be able to improve. Without the knowledge of such a thing, provided by her niece, Kathy may have never known about it. Was it the key missing piece to help her drop the weight? I don’t know, but it resonated with her. She embraced it. It provided something she needed to make up her mind that she was going to make this improvement in her life.

Clicks and Sighs

Something just clicks. We stroll through life unaware of something until one day something clicks. It’s usually something small.

That’s a partial explanation of why there are so many diets and diet books. They don’t all resonate with everybody. You hear wild success stories from the people for whom that particular program clicked. Is there power in the tactic or strategy? Of course. To varying degrees, but the real power is in us. It’s in the power of a mind made up to change!

Whether it’s Kathy Bates listening closely to her body sigh saying, “Okay, I’m full” or whether it’s our awareness that we’re saying “you know?” too much when we talk — there are clicks and sighs that can help alter the outcome if we’ll be open to them.

It’s time we started paying closer attention with a goal of figuring out what needs to be improved. Not because others want us to change – that won’t likely stick – but because we want it for ourselves. Know there are people in your life who are trying to serve you well. Kathy Bates had a niece who served her well. But Kathy didn’t lose the weight for her niece. You won’t make whatever improvements lie ahead for anybody but yourself. Even so, other people can help you figure out the path toward accomplishing whatever you decide.

So decide. Don’t stand pat. Stop berating yourself and start improving yourself. We can all do more to become better. That’s what wisdom is all about. Doing our best to make sure we can get it right in real time as often as possible.

“Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.” ― Dale Carnegie

Help The Yellow Studio & The Leaning Toward Wisdom Podcast Get A Rode Rodecaster Pro

Now that Sweetwater has the unit, I’m linking up their E-gift-card link (you can enter ANY amount you want): https://www.sweetwater.com/shop/gift-cards/email

Use email: RandyCantrell [at] gmail [dot] com

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Last year I kept thinking about encouragement. It seems everywhere I went people were craving it. We all need it, but it seemed to me that very few among us are accomplished at giving it.
The idea preoccupied me, especially the last half of 2018. I ended up registering the domain, CravingEncouragement.com, determined to do something – a project. I’m still not sure, but I am sure of three things, and this is where my ASK comes into play.

One, I’m sure of the power of others. Fact is, we need each other. Likely more than we realize. Rich people, poor people, successful people, failed people, old, young, men, women, children – we’re all CRAVING encouragement. And not the “rah rah” cheerleader kind of stuff, but the power of thoughtful confidence expressed by somebody who matters to us.

Two, we can learn to do better. We all know we want encouragement, but we’re not all very good at giving it. We can be more thoughtful, more mindful, and more aware. We can step outside of our own lives and notice others. We need to be busy learning. It will benefit all of us.

Three, I’ve been podcasting for 20 years or more. I put my first audio file online in 1997. I’m not sure when it all morphed into *podcasting*. Recently, an Australian company – RODE – introduced a product (an all-in-one-solution-for-podcasters), Rodecaster Pro. It’s $599 and available at one of my favorite online retailers, Sweetwater.com.

It would simplify my workflow, allow me to ditch many feet of cables and a rack of gear. And I’m not being greedy, but I’m being honest and open. I would like one and I’m asking you to help me get one. Not because I need your money (well, not entirely), but because of that first point – the power of others. The listeners of LTW through the years have often said, “You’re not selling anything. What’s going on?” Nope. I’m not selling anything. Just trying to provoke me and you, the listener, to lean toward wisdom and away from foolishness.

I appreciate you listening.

Help The Yellow Studio & The Leaning Toward Wisdom Podcast Get A Rode Rodecaster Pro

Now that Sweetwater has the unit, I’m linking up their E-gift-card link (you can enter ANY amount you want): https://www.sweetwater.com/shop/gift-cards/email

Use email: RandyCantrell [at] gmail [dot] com

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The other night was listening to music (shocker, I know!). Specifically, I found myself listening to some older rock and roll. Dexter Freebish’s “What Do You See?” popped into my ears. It’s not a great song, but the question is a good one, and one I often work hard to help people wrestle with in my day job of executive coaching. Here are the lyrics to it:

You might think you could be happy someday
But you don’t know how to look the other way
What do you see
When the rain falls down onto the ground each day
What do you see
When the sun don’t shine and you cannot find your way
You work a crap job, you don’t know why
You listen to them scream and you listen to them yell
You watch them create your own little private hell
You follow your orders, you never blink an eye
But you don’t know how to look the other way
You might think you could be happy someday
What do you see
What do you see
When the sun don’t shine and you cannot find your way
When the rain falls down onto the ground each day
You wonder how you’re gonna make it through the week
You go to bed, but you cannot sleep
You finally doze off, you fall into a dream
You are the puppet who wants to cut its strings
What do you see
When the sun don’t shine and you cannot find your way
What do you see
When the rain falls down onto the ground each day

Vision versus blind spots is a common theme for me. It’s something that comes up daily in my work. But it also seems to dominate my personal life. That whole “it’s what you don’t know that’ll hurt you” thing.

My entire life I’ve fixated on what I know versus what I don’t know. My curiosity is driven by it because I’m painfully aware of how ignorant I am about so many things. Ignorant, not stupid.

Ignorance is a willingness to learn. Stupidity is the inability to learn.

Well, that’s not entirely correct, but it’s kinda sorta correct. We’re all ignorant about many things, but they’re things we could learn if we’re willing. We’re all stupid about some things, too. Like me and calculus. I lack the ability to learn it. I also lack the interest to learn it. Some things are just beyond me because of the depths of my stupidity.

Time is my enemy with ignorance. There are so many things I’m ignorant about, but I’m willing to correct many of them. When your ignorance is so vast, time is the issue. I need to live to be about 1.000. I’m resigned that I’ll die not knowing many things. I’m okay with it. Mostly because what am I going to do if I’m NOT okay with it?

But today, it’s not about time. It’s about sight. Namely, it’s about what you see versus what you don’t see. Which is largely the same thing as what you know versus what you don’t. Or what you believe versus what you don’t believe.

Since this Ballard Street was published some years ago I’ve joked with people, “I’m Nelson.” It’s true. I’m a lifelong dot-connector, always trying to make sense of things. Even things that make no sense. Especially when it comes to human behavior. And I’m often reminded that sometimes people behave crazily, to which friends will admonish me.

“If it made sense to you, then you’d be as nuts as them.”

True. Yet I can still go crazy trying to figure it out.

Largely my life is a commitment to the quest – to figure it out. Whatever IT may be.

Think of a time when you thought you had it figured out, but something shocking happened, showing you that you were way off base.

I know it’s happened to you. Perhaps it happened about another person. You thought you understand the context of their life but realized there were important things you did not know. Things that completely altered how you viewed them.

There was a sportscaster on TV once whose ongoing Ted Knight impersonation drove me crazy. He had that stereotypical announcer voice. It wasn’t personal. I didn’t know him personally, but I disliked his professional demeanor. He was fake and phony. Just not very good.

Then one day I discovered something awful about his childhood. I don’t recall what it was, but it instantly changed my view of him as a person. When the story broke about his past, something he had no part in…I reached out to him via Twitter I remember. I don’t remember the details, but I do remember instantly feeling bad for him. I hadn’t judged him personally, but my judgment of his professional demeanor had created a viewpoint of him as a person that I wasn’t aware of until I learned something I didn’t know.

That’s how it goes when you think things are as they seem. And that’s another daily thing I think about. A question I’m constantly asking myself, “What if things aren’t as they seem?”

Then while I was pondering this topic (just this past Sunday) 60 Minutes did a story about a man who lost his sight. He was, and still is, an architect. A blind architect? Yep.

His name is Chris Downey and it’s a very interesting story. Watch it here at the CBS website.

As soon as the doctor told him his blindness was permanent a social worker advised him on considering career alternatives. No time to even process the news he’d just received. Talk about an insensitive dolt. The social worker, not Chris.

He didn’t consider it. Instead, he leveraged his blindness to become a better architect. He lost one sense and gained others. Well, to be fair, he leaned heavily into other senses that were lazier because like most of us, he relied on vision – literal eyesight. Watch the story. You’ll be inspired. I was.

In fact, I was ashamed. Here I am, fully sighted. And I fear more often than not blind as a bat. It made me wonder more about what I don’t know, what skills I’ve yet to develop – and worst yet, what knowledge, understanding and growth I may never achieve. It made me want to put my head on my desk and weep. 😉

If you struggle to be persuaded that what you see isn’t always what you get, then think about your own life. This is almost guaranteed to work.

Think about the people who are your harshest critics. People who just don’t like you. Particularly people who don’t like you because they perceive you one way – a way that you don’t think is accurate at all. But it’s how they see you. It’s what they see when they look at you.

Do you ever think, “If only they knew?”

There’s evidence that how we view the world and our place in it, and how we see others, determines how we behave, what choices we make and how we choose to live. That makes it super important. If it has that big of an impact on our life – and it does – then doesn’t it make sense that we correct our vision as much as possible?

This subject is so pervasive that it’s a hard topic to handle in a single podcast episode. But don’t fret. I’m not about to create a series! 😀

Show business partnerships prove it. Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis were a remarkably successful comedy team back in the late 1940s and 1950s. But their relationship on screen didn’t accurately portray their personal relationship when they weren’t performing. There are all kinds of realities like that. We see it in bandmates of our favorite music. We see it in celebrity married couples we adore. We see it in sportscaster duos. It’s all around us. People front one thing, but behind the scenes, there’s something entirely different going on. It’s always disappointing to fans.

What do you see? What don’t you see?

Beliefs. Convictions. Perspective.

Bias. Opinion. Assumption.

I’m increasingly curious about the things – the drivers or whatever else you’d call them. The things that shape our vision. And the things that hinder it. And how it so wildly differ among us. How you can see things one way and I may be able to see them in a completely different way.

Place. Time. People. Experience.

These are the things that help define us. They shape us into who and what we are. I don’t mean that our fate is beyond our control. We have a say in the outcome. We determine our course. But to think that what we see is solely determined by whatever we decide is to avoid the fact that our decisions are shaped. By Place. Time. People. Experience.

Willis Alan Ramsey was a kid from Dallas who released one record in 1972. A terrific record. In another life, I did a show about it. One song was about Woody Guthrie, entitled, “Boy From Oklahoma.”

I too am just a boy from Oklahoma. Place. It’s foundational. The geography of your life matters. Culturally. Emotionally. Ethnically.

I’m wired to remain here where my roots are. I’ve lived in Oklahoma, Louisiana, and Texas. I’ve had opportunities to live elsewhere, but I could never seriously consider it. It just didn’t feel right. I’m still just a boy from Oklahoma (even though I’m living in north Texas). There’s honestly not much difference. Texas is just Baja Oklahoma anyway based on Dan Jenkin’s novel of that same name. 😉

I’m a baby boomer, born in 1957. A teenager from the 70’s. It’s a major part of my context and just like place time impacts just about everything.

I was born to a stay-at-home mom and an oil-field working dad. My paternal grandfather was a wildcatter oil guy. My maternal grandfather owned a tire store. And my grandmother – my mother’s mother – had the biggest impact on me of any grandparents. There were other people, but my context is largely determined by this element. People.

Ever wonder why you were born into the home you were? And not in that home where those kids down the street live?

My parents weren’t alcoholics. Or drug addicts. Or criminals. They were Christians. God and faith were important.

I’ve often thought about how drastically different my life would have been had the people in my life not been these people. My family.

I’ve crossed paths with many kids who have suffered significantly different people. Parents who were imprisoned. Or worse, parents still at home drugged out their minds most of the time. Why was I advantaged by the people who surrounded me growing up? I don’t have a good answer. Fact is, I don’t have an answer. I just wasn’t.

All those factors – time, place and people – determine that last one, experience. Well, kinda sorta.

And then all of them together contribute to make us who we are.

I believe in our hardwiring. I also believe in our environment. Enough little kids have surrounded me through my life to know that even babies display distinct personalities. The smallest kids show off distinct personalities. Their families and others have some impact on that. Hopefully, we foster all the best and help correct the bad in all the little people who surround us. Hopefully, somebody did that for us. But maybe not.

We get to choose. Our lives are ours to live as we want. Now we’re getting to that infamous lead I’m so fond of burying.

“The pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand.” – Dr. Irene C. Kassorla (she’s a psychologist)

Irene is right. I’d push it a bit harder. The pen that writes your life story IS held in your own hand.

You can see it different, but you’d be wrong. Foolish. And stupid.

The Avett Brothers have a new single out, Roses And Sacrifice. The ending chorus says…

I’m not slowing down
I’m not waiting for anyone anymore
I know just what I want
And I know just what I need
I know just what I want

This year has begun for me with a strong, strong emphasis on accountability and responsibility. We own our outcomes. Period.

Partly, this focus is the result of having heard so much whining, complaining and excusing last year. It’s also the result of my own foolishness which I talked about last week. Go back and listen if you dare. I’m not going to revisit it here. Bad things happen and boy can we be quick to dive headlong into excuse-making? Yes, of course. We all can do that. Do you ever just get sick of your excuses? I hope you do. That’s a good sign. A sign of maturity and growth.

During another late night bout of insomnia, I was watching Sideways, a quirky movie. Jack and Miles are on the golf course. Miles, the main character has written a third book and is hoping to get it published. The other two books never saw the light of day and he’s pessimistic that his third book won’t be any different. It’s been days and he’s not heard anything from the agent trying to sell his book. As he laments the prospect that he’s lost another three years of his life in writing a failure, Jack questions him.

“You haven’t heard anything yet, so don’t you think your negativity is a little premature?”

Then he pushes Miles to self-publish. “Just get it out there…let the public decide.”

Jack behaves like an idiot in the movie, but it’s pretty wise advice he gives Miles. Lots of folks behave just like Miles. Thinking the worst thing is going to happen. Going into every new endeavor filled with defeat before they even begin. Miles was basing his feelings on the past. He’d written two other books. Neither of them saw the light of day so why should this one be any different? When he looked at his current book he only saw what he had seen before. Failure.

He was pursuing the New York publishing houses. Miles encouraged him to just get it out there. Miles even offered to help pay for the self-publishing. Jack wasn’t thinking there were any alternatives to getting permission from a big publishing house. His entire future as a hopeful author hinged on some big publisher saying, “Yes.”

He clearly hadn’t read Seth Godin’s work. We’re no longer living in an era where we need permission. Take this podcast. Nobody gave me a permit to start it. I just did.

I’m in a conversation circle the other day with some young business owners. Guys not quite half my age. We’re talking about this whole “going for” notion. And not waiting for somebody to approve, or tell us it’s okay. And I’m standing there thinking of how scared we are. How scared we were as teenagers to ask a girl out on a date. How scared we were as kids to look stupid. I’m listening to these guys talk and I’m sure I broke out in a smile because I was thinking, “Man, the opportunities of my youth were sure wasted on the moron that I once was.” I was wishing I knew then what I know now. But that’s not how it works.

Everything is hard until it’s easy. And sometimes it doesn’t feel like a thing never gets easy.

More and more I’m convinced so much of our life is determined by what we see – and what we don’t. Which is why I’ve been ruminating about this for the past week or so.

We’re all without excuse to know how true that is. Unless we’re very young. By the time we hit our 20th birthday, I’m certain we’ve experienced multiple reality smackdowns. A reality smackdown that showed us, “Nope, you weren’t looking at that quite right.” And because we weren’t looking at quite right, we didn’t make a very good decision. By the time you get to be my age, it has happened so frequently you’d think you’d be seeing everything with 20/20 vision, but our brains are working against us no matter our age (I guess).

You’re afraid of something right now. All because of what you see. Or what you don’t see. It’s creating fear and anxiety.

Let me leave you with a few things I’ve learned – even though I frequently forget them and have to consciously remind myself I’m being stupid and foolish.

Don’t let other people determine your outcome. Sure, they’ll often impact it, but do everything in your power to make their negative impact short-term. And do everything to make their positive impact long-term.

We don’t live in a vacuum. Full control is beyond our reach, but we can control our thoughts, choices, and behavior.

I’ve spent most of my life selling stuff. Yet I’m so not your stereotypical salesperson (if there is such a thing). Mostly, I want to serve and be helpful. I want to make the experience pleasant and positive. I’ve been that way since I began as a teenager. Nothing has changed, except maybe I’m even more intent now.

When you’re showing a prospective customer what you’re selling they can make or break your moment, your day, your month, your year. If you let them. That is, you can be a salesperson who sees life that way and it won’t go well for you. Because it’s a viewpoint where you have no control, or not nearly enough. It’s a victim mindset. If the prospect buys, great. But if they don’t, then you’ve just been victimized by somebody who doesn’t want what you’re selling.

Don’t do that. You don’t have to be selling anything to see the world that way. Everyone is capable of seeing their life controlled by the decisions of others. Playing the role of the victim.

Instead, I’m here to put my best foot forward, show people why they should engage me to help them. If they see it as I hope they will, then it’ll be among the best decisions they ever make. I’ll make sure of it. But if they don’t see the way I want them to, they’ll reject my offer. I can choose to think, “They’re rejecting me” or I can choose to think, “The time isn’t right” or “They just can’t see it right now.” There are lots of views I can hold, many of which are all way more likely than “They’re rejecting me.” Fact is, it’s not personal. I’d go so far as to say it’s almost NEVER personal, but talk to any salesperson 0r aspiring salesperson and they’ll confess it feels and looks personal.

Don’t over-estimate your ability to get it done by yourself. Here’s the paradox. You can’t care what others think, but you have to care a great deal what people think.

Discriminate. You have to if you’re going to learn, understand and grow. The people in your life are not created equally. Well, maybe they’re created equal, but they don’t end up being of equal value. You’ve got some ninnies in your life. Toxic people who suck the life out of you. Ditch them. Distance from them.

Here’s the deal. You can’t ditch toxic people if you’re one of them. So I should have prefaced this point with a more important point – be a good person.

That means you need to be honest, fair, authentic and genuine. It means you need to be trustworthy and loyal. If you betray people, lie to people and are always more interested in yourself than anybody else…well, you’ve got an awful lot of work to do. Until you make up your mind to become a better human, then there’s no hope for you. The sooner you realize your hopeless condition, the better. Because until then you’re not going to change. And LTW is all about growth, which necessarily means positive change!

Don’t isolate yourself. Life has lots of adages that people think sound wise, but they’re often taken out of context. For example, “If it is to be, it’s up to me.”

You can read that to mean, do it. Do it all by yourself. Don’t solicit or get any help because only you can control this. Wrong!

It means to do what you’re able. It means if you see the need, fill it. Don’t wait for somebody else to do it.

It doesn’t mean nobody can help you because plenty of people can help you. Their help will greatly accelerate your growth.

Be more intentional and purposeful in who you put around you. Be the person others want to have around them, too.

The power of your life is largely determined by the people who get to know you. I know the advice is mostly focused on who we get to know, but I’ve intentionally reversed it because it doesn’t matter who you know nearly as much as who knows YOU.

Think about the caller ID on your phone. You get phone calls from numbers. You’ve got no idea who it is. What do you do? Do you answer it? Do you let it go to voicemail?

Now consider a phone call from somebody in your favorites list. A person you’re close to. A family member. A close friend. Their name pops up on the caller ID. You’re anxious to talk to them. You know them. They know you. You trust them. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship.

Put in the work to be on as many favorites lists as possible.

These people will make a major positive contribution to help you improve your vision. They’ll help you overcome the blind spots. They’ll help you see things you can’t otherwise see.

As kids we’d urge each other to do stupid stuff, right?

“Oh, come one. Do it.”

I confess I still do that with my grandkids. 😀 It’s fun. And sometimes funny.

But I remember urging buddies to take chances that I knew might benefit them, too. Fact is, I did much more of that than urging buddies to behave stupidly. They’d usually do that without any prompting. 😉

Buddies fearful of asking out some girl and I’d be the guy pushing them, “Go ahead. There’s no reason not to. Even if she turns you down you won’t be any worse off than you are now.” I was always working to influence somebody to see something as low or no risk (if indeed it was). I was also the kid urging friends to avoid doing something stupid by warning them what could go wrong. I’ve always been a risk/reward kind of a guy. Some things never change.

What’s the worst thing that can happen?

I saw this on Facebook the other day and smiled. As an INFJ I know how true it is. For me, I’m able and willing to consider worst-case-scenario, but I don’t get stuck there. I’m just willing to ask and answer it. Most folks don’t answer it. For me, the worst-case scenario is usually not that bad. And often very unlikely.

But we’re all capable of seeing it differently. We can see worst-case scenarios as being highly possible, even highly probable. Even if it’s just not true.

I’ve talked about some of the fears of my grandkids. One was horrified to go onto a soccer field to play soccer for the first time. No amount of encouragement was going to change his mind. Whatever was going through his mind, it was a worst-case scenario and he saw it as highly likely. We knew better, but it didn’t matter what we knew. What he saw is the only thing that mattered.

Sometimes our behavior is equally inaccurate. We see boogie men under the bed and in the shadows. Most often, they’re fabrications of our imagination and nothing more. But they’re as powerful as any prison mankind has ever built.

Today is the day we break out because here’s the truth of what we see. We see a closed locked door, but it’s in our head. There is no door. There is no lock. There are no bars. No security. It’s a wide open field filled with possibilities. Our challenge is to change what we see. To clear our vision so it’s more accurate.

Do you need vision correction? Physical vision correction? I sometimes wear reading glasses. They’re not that powerful, 1.25+. But that small adjustment in magnification can make the difference in me seeing comfortably – being to read text easily – or me not being able to make out a single letter or word.

Apply that to your entire life. Correct your vision. It’ll fix just about everything. I can assure you it will improve everything. It won’t overcome everything. My reading glasses don’t change the words on the page or the screen. But it makes me able to understand them. Without understanding them, I can’t benefit from them.

How does a lack of understanding serve you? How is your life helped by not seeing things clearly or accurately?

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Use email: RandyCantrell [at] gmail [dot] com