People Who Want To Feel Important

People Who Want To Feel Important

Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm—but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.

– a line in the T.S. Elliot play, The Cocktail Party

It’s another episode of Free Form Friday for October 11, 2024. Enjoy.

Links:

Hot Springs Village Inside Out, the podcast – HotSpringsVillageInsideOut.com 

Barry Switzer article at EPSN

Randy Cantrell

Please tell a friend about the podcast!

Join our private Facebook group
Email me

People Who Want To Feel Important Read More »

Accidentally On Purpose

Accidentally On Purpose

YouTube player

 

“It’s a bizarre but wonderful feeling, to arrive dead center of a target you didn’t even know you were aiming for.”
― Lois McMaster Bujold

Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.   — Lawrence Block

Travel light and trust in serendipity.  — Mike Brown

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

Stories abound of people pursuing one thing and stumbling onto something else. Something better. It’s likely happened to you, too.

Randy Cantrell

Please tell a friend about the podcast!

Join our private Facebook group
Email me

Accidentally On Purpose Read More »

I'm Not The Man I Used To Be

I’m Not The Man I Used To Be

John Newton said, “I am not the man I ought to be, I am not the man I wish to be. I am not the man I hope to be. But by the grace of God, I am not the man I used to be”.

He was a slavery abolitionist who had once been a slave trader. Perhaps that context provoked his statement.

I can’t fully relate to the first 3 statements in the quote…

I’m not the man I ought to be.

I’m not the man I wish to be.

I’m not the man I hope to be.

Not because I’m perfect, but because I’m dedicated to improvement. My own.

Most of the time I am the man I ought to be because a) I know what kind of man I ought to be and b) I work to be that man. More easily, I know the man I wish to be and I’m working to be that man. Ditto for the man I hope to be. For me, the terms “ought,” “wish,” and “hope” are all synonymous, but ought is the most important one.

How do YOU determine what “ought” means? What’s it based on?

Mine is based on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We all need a standard, some measurement against which we can examine ourselves.

I heard a city councilman on a YouTube video about a horrible drug scene in a major U.S. city remark on how addicts needed faith. Asked if he meant faith in God, he replied that to beat addiction – something he had done himself (he wasn’t the man he once was) – a person needed to believe in something bigger than themselves. For many, it is God. Since God is THE supreme being without a peer, it makes logical sense that it should be God.

But the term “ought” means more than having faith in something. It means having something to serve as a standard for your life. Life is filled with standards. They serve us daily.

Time has a standard. Every minute has 60 seconds. Every hour has 60 minutes. Every day has 24 hours. Every week has seven days.

Measurements have standards. One gallon contains 128 ounces. We pump a gallon of gas in our cars with some assurance that we’re getting a full gallon and not something else because the government inspects gasoline pumps to ensure they’re accurate.

These two examples occupy all of our daily lives. Without them, life would be much more chaotic.

Without standards imagine how crazy our houses would look. With no standard of measurement to follow all construction would be ridiculous.

Some try to convince us that we can establish our own rules of conduct. You get to decide what’s right for you. What you “ought” to do. And that might be very different from what I “ought” to do. But that defies the whole point of a standard, an authority.

How about I decide that a gallon of gasoline isn’t 128 ounces? It’s 150 ounces. Ridiculous! Nobody would accept my personalized “standard.” Rightly so because it’s not a standard. It’s an arbitrary desire.

And that’s what is happening today, stretched to the point of being ridiculous. The Bible contains the truth of how humans have always tried to behave when they don’t want to recognize God’s higher authority, which always has mankind’s best interest.

“Every man did that which was right in his own eyes,” Judges 21:25. It speaks of ancient Israel who rebelled against Jehovah because they did what they wanted and called it “right.” Calling it “right” or what we “ought” to do doesn’t make it so. Not unless we’re the standard bearer and in matters of right, truth, and morality…we’re not the standard. If we were then societies that once sacrificed children in the fire to false gods would have been approved. Nazi Germany would be free from condemnation because in their eyes, they saw it as “right.” No, there’s got to be some standard recognized as the authority. It’s God Almighty.

Despite modern culture’s refusal to acknowledge, much less follow, God’s standard, mankind must accept all the visible, scientific, and written testimony of God’s existence and rule. Man or woman. Boy or girl. I’m taking off on John Newton’s quote only because like him, I’m a man. It would equally apply to a woman, boy or girl. Insert the one that properly fits you. No, I don’t mean the one you identify as being. That’s tantamount to saying you think a gallon is 150 ounces, not 128. Think what you will, but you’ll be wrong.

How do I know what man I ought to be? Because I listen to and strive to obey God. God tells me in His Word what kind of man I should be. For example, in Ephesians 5 I can read about how I ought to behave toward my wife. I can measure what God says against what I’m doing. By examining myself in light of what I read, I can tell if I’m hitting the mark. Or not.

Standards. Authority. Submission.

These are the things of “ought.” They determine wishes and hopes. They also determine what once was and what is, too.

You get to choose the standards that will govern your life.

For me, it’s important that the standards be true and the consequences or rewards are established. I’ve known people who believed that the ends justify the means. So if gaining money was the desired end, it didn’t matter much the means as long as it was legal. But sometimes even questionably legal strategies might be employed if the reward was high enough. At other times compromise became easy when the dollars were high enough.

Self-regulation and self-restraint may not be part of the standards you choose. I’ve found that’s a mistake if we want to live our best life. It’s fraught with increasing selfishness that wrecks relationships, careers, and lives. Such is the life of people who follow their desires no matter what.

Self-Discipline Is Required To Be The Man I Ought To Be

October begins a “no spend month.” That means all those budgeted line item expenses sans the deposable expenses like clothes, gear, gear accessories, dining out, books, or anything else. I’ve set October aside as one month where I’m going to amplify my self-discipline in the single (but big) area of spending. I may extend it beyond October, highly likely.

Such a thing seems innocuous, but it’s an important exercise because it requires temperance (self-control). I need to work on my self-discipline muscles by using them with more intensity and vigor. We both know how it’ll go (I’ve done it before so I’ve got some historical proof). Week one will require some focus. Week two will require less focus. By week three it’ll become easier and by the end of the month, I’ll push forward with the notion of keeping it going. The game changes to see how long I can keep it going.

The rewards? More money in our bank account or savings account. Greater focus against frivolous or unnecessary spending. Growth in my efforts toward practical minimalism. Discipline that is likely to filter into other areas of my life.

The downsides? Depriving myself. The irony is self-deprivation is THE biggest reward. There is no downside to the exercise.

Learning To Adapt Is The Path Toward Personal Growth (Improvement)

Learning is a discipline. Learning itself is a learned behavior that requires focus, practice, and figuring it out.

Life is largely about figuring it out, and then assessing how we’re doing so we can figure it out again. That’s why life is such a rinse-and-repeat process. Rarely do we figure things out, then set it and forget it. External and internal forces often alter our results. We change. Life’s circumstances change. Forcing us to adapt if we want to continue making progress.

Whenever we refuse to adapt we call it “being stuck.” It’s the refusal or inability to adapt. In short, it’s a lack of learning that sticks us.

Lack of self-awareness is the major constraint. Not knowing what we should know. Not seeing ourselves accurately.

“I know, I know,” is the common refrain of teens worldwide. When in truth, they don’t know. They just don’t want to hear somebody tell them. Do that in adulthood at your peril. Refuse to see what you don’t know while whistling in the dark, “I know, I know” and you’ll escape being your best.

We have to be responsible for ourselves. It’s not a blame thing. Who cares who or what is to blame? The real issue is, “Now what?”

To learn, grow, and improve we must accept responsibility for our behavior, habits, focus, and outcomes. 

Avoid those and there won’t be learning, growth, or improvement.

We get to decide, but if wisdom (learning, growth, improvement) is the goal – and it is – then we must stop lying to ourselves. Consider a few important factors. Accepting responsibility is primary. Without it, we’re hopeless to get better.

We must commit to living based on evidence. Not false evidence, but real evidence. We can think we know based on facts, but when we step back and look at more critically, we may see we’re looking at what we imagine, or what we fear. For example, a friend sends a text, “We need to talk.” What evidence do you have to alert you about the subject or tone of this meeting? None. That’s the truth. But many people will immediately see, as evidence, that this is going to be a confrontational meeting. They’ll prepare, mentally/emotionally, to enter a confrontation even though they have no evidence. They think the worst. Now, the meeting happens and the friend confesses that their marriage is crumbling and they wanted to make sure you learned of this directly from them. Remember, F.E.A.R. stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Appearing real doesn’t make it real. Don’t be fooled.

The more uncomfortable it may be, the more you’d better stop and consider it. Self-deception reigns largely because none of us enjoy facing the most uncomfortable truths about ourselves. That’s where the value is though, facing those uncomfortable truths that show us our weaknesses, flaws, and areas of greatest opportunities. Remember, in those uncomfortable truths is where are biggest opportunities abound. It’s our job to embrace them so we can get better.

How much do you want it? Only those who want to learn, grow and improve do. It’s an intentional act taken only by determined people. Even then, it’s hard work. So don’t fool yourself into thinking the lazy, unfocused, procrastinators can accomplish it. They can’t. Your willingness to change (grow) is fully in your power. You must want the ideal outcome more than you want to avoid the discomfort of facing reality – and the discomfort of putting in the work.

Who surrounds you? When you’re striving to be who you ought to be, not everybody is worthwhile. It may require you to end some relationships. People who don’t want your best are dangerous. They can appear like friends, but those who encourage poor behavior, and selfish actions (I.E. “You deserve to be happy!”) can wreck your commitment to grow. Be careful to avoid surrounding yourself with cheerleaders who encourage you to lean away from wisdom, self-sacrifice, purity, holiness, righteousness and being your best. Instead, lean into others who are pursuing the same growth goals you are – and who want you to be your best while they’re trying to be their best. Birds of a feather and all that.

Be kind to yourself during the process. Successful self-improvement isn’t built on self-flagellation. Berating yourself, even when you mess up, isn’t going to help. Yes, be quick to acknowledge your lapses, errors or failures, but then do something to fix them. The Bible calls it repentance. It’s a change of direction. Turning away. Not going back. So when you fail, acknowledge it (the Bible calls it confession), then change your behavior or actions so you don’t repeat it.

These are just a few things we must consider as we journey toward becoming a better version of ourselves.

Randy Cantrell

Please tell a friend about the podcast!

Join our private Facebook group
Email me

I’m Not The Man I Used To Be Read More »

The Distractions Of The Side Hustle

The Distractions Of The Side Hustle

YouTube player

I learned early in sports that to be effective – for a player to play the best he can play – is a matter of concentration and being unaware of distractions, positive or negative.    -Tom Landry

Distractions destroy…

  • Creativity
  • Productivity
  • Efficiency
  • Accomplishment
  • Love
  • Contentment
  • Relationships
  • SUCCESS
  • HIGHER ACHIEVEMENT

Distractions embraced equals selfishness. Colossal selfishness. Because it’s pride that drives us to distraction.

Past beliefs about yourself won’t carry you into the future.

Side hustles became a phrase and thing over 70 years ago, but I suppose there’s always been moonlighting. That is, going to work, getting off work, then going to another job, even if it’s part-time. Today, in 2024 the side hustle isn’t what it was – a way to supplement income so you could feed your family. Now, it’s an income-producing hobby, often called a passion project, indicating it’s something the person claims to love. Presumably more than they love the thing that earns them the biggest chunk of their income.

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” – James Clear

Others have replaced “systems” with “training.”

Probably more true – you don’t rise to the level of your goals, but you fall to the level of your habits.

what-people-do-not-see

That and more on this episode of a “free form Friday” show!

YouTube player

Randy Cantrell

Please tell a friend about the podcast!

Join our private Facebook group
Email me

The Distractions Of The Side Hustle Read More »

Heartbreak

Heartbreak

“It’s amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces.” -Ella Harper

Mutually desired relationships are likely going to include some heartbreak. I’ve had my heart broken. I’m certain I’ve broken a heart, too. Not like you’re thinking – I’m hardly a heartbreaker! But I do have the ability, like all of us, to hurt or injure somebody I care about.

Sometimes the heartbreak is because of loss. Like when I lost Rocky and Rosie to old age. These two White West Highland Terriers were fixtures in our lives for the better part of 16 years. Rocky passed first. I was heartbroken. Rosie passed and I was wrecked. They didn’t do that to me. Losing them did.

Husbands can break their wives’ hearts. Wives can break their husbands’ hearts.

Friends can break each others’ hearts.

Partners and co-workers can, too.

Let’s discuss this topic just a bit. Mostly, we’ll get our toes wet and contemplate how to improve avoiding hurting those we care about most.

Randy Cantrell

Please tell a friend about the podcast!

Join our private Facebook group
Email me

Heartbreak Read More »

Scroll to Top