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“This is my letter to the world
That never wrote to me”
― Emily Dickinson

This is my letter to the World,
That never wrote to me,--
The simple news that Nature told,
With tender majesty.
Her message is committed
To hands I cannot see;
For love of her, sweet countrymen,
Judge tenderly of me!

Ms. Dickinson’s poem was first published in 1890. I’m not a poetry expert. Honestly, I don’t know that anybody really knows what the poem means, but that opening line has long captured my imagination.

Nicole Burns offered this explanation on Prezi:

“What Emily means by this is that she wrote a letter to the world but the world doesn’t know who she is since she never leaves her home. She also writes about what nature has taught her in hopes to teach other people lessons. In the closing of the poem she asks the readers to not judge her harshly on what she has written.”

I suppose such writing can mean whatever meaning we ascribe to it. My first thoughts when I saw the opening line I instantly had some notions. They’ve remained with me through the years.

What are you telling the world, even though the world has never asked?

What story are you continuing to share with the world, even though the world isn’t writing back?

What are you saying to the world, even though the world may not be listening – and may, instead, be judging?

Permission

The Internet empowered us to become our own publishers. Emily had to rely on somebody with a publication to print her creations. The time from creation to publication to consumption in her day could easily be years. I can write these shownotes, record a podcast and hit “Publish” and within nanoseconds it’s online. Within seconds, or minutes (at most), the podcast will be in every major podcast directory on the planet. You can do it, too. No permission or talent required.;)

But just because we don’t need permission doesn’t mean the world is going to care. Or pay attention. Or that haters won’t hate. Emily and every other person who creates anything, or says anything, or does anything is going to endure harsh judgment.

Judgment Is Easy

None of us have a tough time with it. And for good reason. We have incomplete knowledge and understanding. We don’t know what we don’t know. So we fill in the gaps of our knowledge with assumptions and opinions. Finding out – gathering more information, asking more questions, going directly to the person (or the source) – and working hard to understand, that’s tough work. And takes too long. Far easier to just complete the story on our own, then close the book.

The world never wrote a letter to me. And so I suppose that makes it sort of fair for the world to do as it pleases. Including harsh judgment.

Fair doesn’t mean it right. Or that it’s justified. It just means I understand it.

What’s Your Letter To The World?

What would you like it to be? What do you choose it to be?

First, we’ve got to think about our view of ourselves. Psychologists divide our views into two distinctly separate and different perspectives: 1) you were born as you are and the outcomes of your life are largely beyond your control or 2) you get to choose your outcomes (you have control over your life).

Moments of decision make up your life. 

Your decisions matter. Your first decision really matters. You must pick one of the two perspectives I just mentioned. Basically, the choice boils down to whether you want to be a victim or in control of your own destiny. So which is it?

This sounds like an easy decision, but it’s not. It also sounds like it would be reasonable and rational to only pick the second option. Yet, we don’t always pick that one because…

We’ve got lots of reasons to feel victimized by others, and by life itself. Everybody suffers. REM sang it correctly, “Everybody hurts…sometimes.” Truth is, suffering occurs a lot of the time.

That second choice is our only choice IF moving forward is the point. But maybe moving forward isn’t the point. I’ll argue it’s the best point. But there are others.

Do you know people who enjoy being sick? Well, to be more accurate, they enjoy being able to tell you about their sickness? Do you ever wonder what that does for them? I do.

I watch them as others lean in and say, “Oh, I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well.” They do it because it’s the only path they can seem to find to garner sympathy or compassion. Is that the point? I’m not sure. Over time it seems to me that there may be a bigger, grander point. To garner attention. Nothing wrong with that. We all need attention. We all need to be noticed. Question: What do you want to be noticed FOR? Being sick? Surely we can rise above that level of pettiness. Maybe not.

Whether we’re a victim of ill health (legitimately), or we suffer at the hands of the ninnies who surround us (and we often do), or we suffer at the hands of our own idiocy (and we suffer due to that far more than anything the ninnies can do to us)…how are we helped by leaning into that? Far better to lean into wisdom. Far better to lean into answering the question, “What can I do about this that will move me forward?”

Movement may require GPS else we have no idea the direction. Forward is the optimal direction. It’s improvement, growth, and transformation. Not always fun, but always profitable.

But forward robs us of ingratitude and complaining. And where will our attention come from? You mean I’m going to have to start being valuable to others in order to gain attention? But that means I have to do something worthwhile? #StopBeingLazy #StopBeingUngrateful

Unlike the Waze app or Google Maps…our internal GPS sometimes has difficulty figuring out how to move forward. Or whether or not we want to move forward. Too often we may be unsure of what direction to go.

Then there’s the big elephant in the room — HOW?

Empty advice abounds. “Just make up your mind.” “Just do it.”

Would that it was that easy, but it’s not. Life is more complicated and complex. We over-simplify things. Sound bites, pithy quotes, and sayings don’t properly portray the difficulties. The cumulative impact is we wrestle with the complexity thinking we’re doing something wrong because we’re not able to “just make up our mind.” Nobody is helping us figure out HOW.

It’s as ridiculous as the premise on living like a millionaire. First, get a million dollars. Okay…but how? Well, we’re not equipped to tell you that. “Thanks much!”

All this determines our story, the story we’re telling the world.

We’re telling the story we want to tell. That doesn’t mean it’s good, or the best one for us. Some of us aren’t driven to grow. We’re uninterested in being better. Not concerned with having a positive impact on others. Too many of us are selfish, living in the moment, impulsively driven to do whatever we want without concern for the consequences to ourselves or those around us.

How can we modify or change what we want – the story we want to tell? How can we change our desire and seek to tell a better story – a story that involves us being our best self?

It starts with character. Poor character will always write a poor story. No matter what else a person may have in their toolbox, poor character can’t write a great story…just a good looking chapter every now and again. But the chapters are fiction. Readers may not know it, but the writer does. It’s the proverbial truth: “You can fool some of the people some of the time.” It happens.

True character reveals itself in the story. It’s the engine behind the story. Indecent people write indecent tales. Consistently. So job one is to be a good human. Job two is to commit yourself to being even better. Consistently working hard to grow, improve and transform as you journey toward the ideal version of yourself.

It’s the only way to write a letter that impacts the world. Even if the world is just your small corner. Scope and scale don’t matter. You don’t need either in order to have impact. It’s why I’m constanly talking about the parable of the starfish.

One day, an old man was walking along a beach that was littered with thousands of starfish that had been washed ashore by the high tide. As he walked he came upon a young boy who was eagerly throwing the starfish back into the ocean, one by one.

Puzzled, the man looked at the boy and asked what he was doing. Without looking up from his task, the boy simply replied, “I’m saving these starfish, Sir”.

The old man chuckled aloud, “Son, there are thousands of starfish and only one of you. What difference can you make?”

The boy picked up a starfish, gently tossed it into the water and turning to the man, said, “I made a difference to that one!”

You want people to read your letter and feel something. You want that feeling to compel improvement. You want your letter to the world to help the world. To serve.

Why would the world read your letter? 

Jerry Van Amerongen (Amer-ho-en – it’s Dutch) is the cartoonist, creator of BALLARD STREET, easily my all-time favorite cartoon. On Saturday, March 30, 2019, he posted his final Ballard Street cartoon.

Jerry was writing one letter and at the age of 40 decided to write a completely different letter. In 1980 he began writing a letter that took the form of a cartoon, The Neighborhood. It was published in newspapers for the next decade. Along with the Far Side by Gary Larson, Jerry’s work refined the single panel cartoon.

In 1991 Jerry created Ballard Street. It began as a comic strip, but after 2 years Jerry went back to the single panel format, which suited him better.

Jerry was born and raised in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He spent the first 17 years of his professional life in corporate sales, marketing, and product management. Jerry’s cartoon ideas often came from scribbles and drawings. The drawings rely on facial expressions and body postures to give readers a sense of the characters beyond the caption.

Boyhood memories influenced by his Dutch and Polish heritage, images of roly-poly women in print dresses and rotund men in baggy trousers helped form his characters. Jerry said, “Regardless of our physical appearance, we see ourselves as having wrinkles and rumples on the inside. We all perceive ourselves as having big bottoms.”

Since 1980, the year my son was born, I’ve been a rabid fan of Jerry’s work. I’ve often wondered how less rich my life would be – and millions of others who enjoyed Jerry’s work – if Jerry had remained in corporate America. I’m much fonder of his second and third letters (The Neighborhood and Ballard Street).

The world didn’t ask Jerry to do it – to make such a dramatic change in his professional life. But he did it anyway.

I’m so glad Jerry wrote the letter to the world without waiting for the world to write him first. Wise choice.

From Good To Better To Best

Some people are writing a horror story as their letter. Their lives are so incredibly wrecked, it’s the only letter they’re capable of writing at the moment. They need to change their circumstances, their choices, their actions, their behaviors.

Hopefully, most of us are trying to write a good letter. We’re attempting to pursue a good life. Doesn’t mean we craft every sentence perfectly. Sometimes we write a pretty crappy paragraph. I’ve been known to write a few awful chapters. One chapter does not the entire story make.

The writing isn’t always stellar because the decisions aren’t always wise. Or smart. Or congruent with my best effort.

Yes, it’s all relative. Good. Better. Best. But it’s not relative to anybody else. It’s only relative to YOU.

Do you ever get sick of thinking about, or hearing about POTENTIAL? I do. What’s the point of potential if it’s always unrealized? I look at Jerry’s bold move to ditch corporate life for cartooning and I’m envious. Of his bravery and his talent.

As I think about my life I wonder about my potential. By now you’d think I’d have it figured out, but I don’t. I think what I’ve always thought – my best is yet to come. I know it’s not necessarily true. I mean, it’s possible I peaked 20 years ago! 😀

Time doesn’t define impact. That’d be like saying the length of the story determines how memorable it is, or how impactful it is on your life. That starfish parable has been pretty impactful on my life. It’s only 4 little paragraphs. Jerry’s final cartoon is like so many others before it – a single panel. But look at it. How well does it tell the story of Jerry’s retirement?

I’d say Jerry figured out how to go from good (a corporate career that lasted 17 years) to better (creating The Neighborhood cartoon for 10 years) to best (creating Ballard Street for almost 28 years). I’m not him. So he’s not my barometer. Fact is, nobody is anybody’s barometer. But he’s a solid illustration (at least for me) of how great a letter can be written.

Maybe I’ve been all wrong. Maybe I’ve assumed people want to write a better story. No, I’m not wrong. People do want to write better stories. I’m convinced we mostly don’t know how. And I’m equally convinced we don’t know how – or we can’t figure out how – because we don’t change our minds. We’re stuck in our head listening to the same endless loop tape we’ve always listened to. Which is why Jerry’s story so intrigues me. And why I wish I knew more details about his story.

To go from corporate sales and marketing after 17 years to cartooning…well, if that doesn’t exemplify change, what does?

Stephen King, a famous horror writer, began professional life as a school teacher. In a few years, his novel Carrie was published. It was his 4th novel, but the first one to be published. That was in 1973. Since then he’s written a couple of hundred short stories and sold more than 350 million books. King has written lots of letters to the world and he’s still doing it.

John Prine was a mailman in the late 1960s. He wrote songs while spending all that time alone. With the mail. Then he began going to open mic nights at the Fifth Peg in Chicago. First only as a spectator. Then one night, a performer challenged him, “You think you can do better?” Prine got up and sure enough, he could do better.

By 1971 he had released his first self-titled album, thanks in large part to having played for Kris Kristofferson late one night in a club, after the club was closed (and all the chairs were upside down on the tables). His first new album of original material in 13 years, titled The Tree of Forgiveness, was released on April 13, 2018. He’s now 72. He’s battled cancer twice. And his latest record has charted higher than any of his other 22 albums. He’s on top of his game.

Then there’s a top chef, Dan Giusti. Here’s what The New Yorker wrote about him last August.

In 2011, a young chef named Dan Giusti quit his job at the helm of 1789, a long-established restaurant in the Georgetown neighborhood of Washington, D.C., and boarded a plane for Copenhagen. Like many ambitious cooks, he had applied for a job trial at the original Noma, which was widely considered to be the best restaurant in the world. Unlike most other ambitious cooks, he swiftly rose through the ranks to become Noma’s head chef. But, after running the kitchen for three years, Giusti felt his enthusiasm for fine dining wane. “At Noma, we were forty-five people feeding forty-five people,” he recalled recently. “I realized that I wanted to feed a lot of people, and feed them every day.” He thought about opening a counter-service chain—another Sweetgreen or Shake Shack—but felt that the choices were already too abundant. What was the point? So his mind went to institutions—schools, in particular—where, despite a larger cultural shift away from industrial foods, there had been little innovation or improvement in decades. He saw both a moral purpose and a business opportunity.

In 2016 he started writing a very different letter when he left fancy hi-end luxury dining to school cafeterias. He formed Chef Brigaid, a company dedicated to changing the way kids eat.

Jerry Van Amerongen wrote some chapters as a corporate guy. Then he changed the narrative to a creative endeavor many likely didn’t see coming, he became a cartoonist.

Stephen King got an education and a teacher’s certification. It was a chapter in his life, but the best chapters were yet to be written as a best-selling novelist.

John Prine was a singing mailman. It was a chapter kind of like the chapter of being an Army soldier serving in Germany during Viet Nam. A new chapter began one night at the Fifth Peg and he’s been writing and performing music ever since.

Dan Giusti’s entire professional letter appears to be that of a chef, but what a different letter he’s writing today compared to his earlier writing. He’s no longer attached to 5 star high end restaurants. Today, he’s writing his story from school cafeterias.

What’s your commitment to your craft? If you’re not yet good, then make up your mind to pursue it. If you’re good, then decide to step up your letter-writing game to great, your best!

Don’t fret about how long it takes. It’ll take however long it takes. The important thing is to get on with it. And make progress. Take some chances along the way, too. Jerry and Stephen did. It worked out well for them. Why not you?

RC

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Help Me Get A Rode Rodecaster Pro

Now that Sweetwater has the unit, I’m linking up their E-gift-card link (you can enter ANY amount you want): https://www.sweetwater.com/shop/gift-cards/email

Use email: RandyCantrell [at] gmail [dot] com

 

The Reward – For A Special Leaning Toward Wisdom (LTW) Episode

• 10-minute Skype call with me (30 minutes if you donate $25 or more)
• The topic: tell me about a time when somebody really encouraged you in a meaningful way
• This will provide content for a special episode about encouragement 
• I’ll include your name and any links you care to promote (or if you prefer, you can remain anonymous because I still want the stories)

It’s the power of others. And it includes the power of others to help the LTW podcast. Thank you for all your support!

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Project Craving Encouragement Update

Some personal stuff got in the way, but I’m pushing through. Doesn’t that often seem the case?

I’m growing increasingly intent on ramping up the project because daily – every SINGLE day – I see the need. The need for encouragement. Mostly, I see the lack, which prompts the need. And I wonder why the gap is so cavernous. And growing. I’ve got some theories. But whatever the reason it’s something we can all do. A contribution we can all make. To let somebody in our life know we’re aware of their struggle and that we believe in them.

Do it for somebody today. Fill the silent craving people have for encouragement. Lord willing, somebody will fill it for you, too.

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Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I say unto you, Be not anxious for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than the food, and the body than the raiment? Behold the birds of the heaven, that they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; and your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are not ye of much more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit unto the measure of his life? And why are ye anxious concerning raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God doth so clothe the grass of the field, which to-day is, and to-morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Be not therefore anxious, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? For after all these things do the Gentiles seek; for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. Be not therefore anxious for the morrow: for the morrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” (American Standard Version)

Context matters. What the Lord said here in His Sermon On The Mount is accurate and true. I believe it, in spite of the title of today’s episode. I just don’t use the word “anxious” as He did. He used it to mean worry, or fret. Don’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow is going to have enough problems all its own. Take care of business today. Trust in God today.

That doesn’t mean you sit back and wait for God to just take care of you like a magic genie. That’s not God’s role in your life. God is God and wants to help every one of us – mostly He wants us to be saved in Heaven.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life.”

God isn’t some Grand Puppeteer either. He doesn’t coerce or force us to do anything. We decide for ourselves. The Lord was preaching that we ought to trust God more and more, do our work to obey Him and stop worrying about what may happen to us here, in this life. Mostly, because if we’re faithful to God He’ll save us in Heaven forever.

I’m using anxious in a very different context. I mean it in the sense that we look forward to something. Kids go to bed on the night before their birthday anxious to enjoy a party and celebration where they can open presents. They’re anxious for it to happen. There is no dread or worry, only anticipation looking forward to a good time. THAT’S how I mean anxious in today’s show.

I Wanna Look Forward To Tomorrow

Old man spat and cursed as he spoke
“It’s all going to hell and the whole world is broken”
The little kid is busy making plans
Save the whole world along with that old man

So as far as I can see
A better way for you and me
Is to let the children run the show
Not too long and we’ll be good to go

All the girls and boys will sing
Come tomorrow we get everything
So as long as we survive today
Come tomorrow we gonna find a way
Yeah, as far as I can see
We should let the children lead the way

Bang bang you’re dead nah you missed me for real
I got a bag to smoke come on let’s make a deal
Yeah, bridges burn but tomorrow is another day
To feed the world and thengo outside an play

Yeah farmers farm and dancers dance all night
Lovers love and the firefighters fight
Let the children run the show
Not too long and we’ll be good to go

All the girls and boys will sing
Come tomorrow we get everything
So as long as we survive today
Come tomorrow we go and find a way
As far as I can see
We got to let the children lead the way

The storm will rise
Out of innocent skies
Times will change
When you let the children play the game

All the girls and boys will sing
Come tomorrow we fix everything
So as long as we survive today
Come tomorrow we gonna find a way

All the girls and boys will sing
Come tomorrow we get everything
So as long as we survive today
Come tomorrow we gonna find a way

Come Tomorrow by Dave Matthews

Dave Matthews has a story, not merely a chapter. Here’s a review of the album, Come Tomorrow.

Anticipation for tomorrow is a hard thing. Because people are struggling. Suffering. Enduring pain. People are anxious, and not in the best ways, but in the worst.

This Dave Matthews’ song is about hope and optimism. And that’s how I’m using the word “anxious” today. Reframing that view of the word may just give you a renewed hope.

It’s about going to bed at night with strong anticipation for tomorrow. That “I can’t wait for it to get here” feeling that many of us haven’t experienced since we were children.

And I wonder why?

Adult problems. Is that the reason? We’re burdened with all the moving parts of being an adult? Hopefully, a responsible, mature person who embraces all that is being a good human. Does that weigh us down, make us cynical and wear down our optimism and hope?

Likely.

What can we do about it?

Probably a few things. Things we’re likely leaving to chance when we should be acting with greater intent. Things like gratitude. Not just saying we’re grateful, but being purposeful and thoughtful about our thanksgiving.

Have you ever sat down and written out, or typed out a list of things you’re thankful for…and then listed out, in detail, why you’re thankful for them?

When I ask people about it, I hardly ever encounter a person who has. Sad. Not because of their lack, but because of their loss. Such an extreme loss to their humanity and depth of life they could experience if they’d practice it every now and again.

But don’t stop there.

Now keep digging and consider what other positive things in your life would be missing if that blessing had never happened. Our lives have more ripple effects than we can likely measure. Think of the Christmas movie, It’s A Wonderful Life. One little change would have dramatically altered the trajectory of your life. Maybe it’s time to more deeply consider them.

You can’t practice this without being very intentional about it. Simply put, you have to force yourself to do this. I’m not smart enough to figure out why that is, but I just know it’s true. It doesn’t seem to come naturally. And we seem mostly content to dwell on what’s missing in our lives than to dwell on what’s right.

The challenge is to exercise gratitude so frequently, and so deeply that we form a habit so we can make it easier to be anxious for tomorrow. The goal is to live a life in happy anticipation for tomorrow.

It doesn’t mean we’ll never experience bad days, or bad moments. Me? I’m coming out of a 7-month knife fight and I have days where it seems there is no end in sight. But my wife and I were talking the other night about the elephant in the room in our life at the moment – the source of our deepest pain – and we quickly looked at the most positive things we could think of as it related to our pain. It didn’t make us happy, but it did make us thankful. More thankful.

Bad things happen. No amount of happy thoughts or gratitude will necessarily alter the outcome. Or make things better. But gratitude can (and will) serve us to help us cope, overcome or endure. No question about it. Don’t argue if you’ve not yet tried it.

Building anticipation into our lives so we can be anxious in the best ways for a new day – a new day where we believe our opportunities will abound. A new day where we’re confident we’ll be able to make a positive contribution in the lives of the people we love, the people we care about, and perhaps even a few strangers. A new day where we look forward to the possibilities.

It takes work. Lots of hard work.

Sometimes people will tell me, “That’s a lot of work.” Translation: “I’m not sure that’s gonna be worth it.” Or, “I don’t think that’ll be worth it.”

I used to try to persuade people. Attempting to influence them that they’re wrong. I don’t do that anymore. Mostly because I’m no good at it. Maybe nobody could persuade naysayers that they CAN live a brighter life. I know I can’t. So I no longer try. I look at them and say, “I understand. Yes, it is hard work. Only you can decide if it’s worth it or not.”

I’m sad for them, but I honor their decision to live as they’d like.

Our lives are what we make of them. We get to decide.

Some of us are anxious for tomorrow because it’ll bring us a new day where we can play the role of the victim. Another day of complaining of what others have done to us. Another day of proof that life is awful. Folks who enjoy – even seem to thrive on – being down and out. As Dr. Phil would say, “it’s working for them” at some level or they wouldn’t keep doing it. Such a waste of human capacity and potential. And such a drag on the others in their life. Everybody loses.

If today is awful, why lament the dawning of a new day? Some people need professional help to get through. If that’s you, please go seek the help you need. Don’t let hopelessness overtake you.

A week ago Sydney Aiello, who survived the 2018 massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida, committed suicide. She was buried on Friday. Her parents said she struggled with survivor’s guilt, coupled with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). A young, bright light attending Florida Atlantic University, extinguished. I’m sad about her plight. Sad for her parents, family, and friend. I wish she could have found her way to be anxious for tomorrow. To be excited about her future and what she could have made of her life. I’m sad that she couldn’t find excitement about the people she could have positively impacted.

Jeremy Richman was 49. In 2012 he lost a first grader, his child, in the Sandy Hook shooting. On Monday he was found dead in his Connecticut office of an apparent suicide. Was the grief too heavy? I don’t know. I don’t him or his whole story. I only know one very specifically heartbreaking chapter of his life. If it turns out that he died at his own hands, then I’m sad that he couldn’t find excitement for tomorrow.

Try as I might to understand the pain of yesterday for Jeremy, I can’t. I know the loss of a child, not to death, but to other circumstances in life. I know the pain of staring into the future, wondering how you’ll make it through. But I also know the challenge of searching for (and often unable to find) excitement for today, much less tomorrow.

I’m especially mindful of those who struggle with mental illness. Danny Brown is a longtime online acquaintance. He’s a Scotsman living in Canada. Recently, he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. His wife, who has battled the same maladies, took him to the ER where he was diagnosed. Treatment began. It’s only been a matter of weeks, but his wife interviewed him for a podcast project. You can give it a listen here. Thankfully, Danny has Jaclyn, his wife, to help him. And thankfully, he was willing to seek and accept the help he needs. I’m happy Danny is on the road to improved mental health. Jaclyn, too.

Formal diagnosis or no, we all have mental challenges, emotional distress, and pain. Life is neither equal nor fair. Some people must endure lifelong challenges. Others suffer only momentarily, every now and again. Some of our problems are self-induced. Others befall us through no fault of our own. No matter the source of our pain and suffering, we have choices to make today. About today, and about tomorrow.

This episode is really about those choices. The ones we have to make today. Right now. The ones that will impact not just today, but tomorrow. Perhaps decisions that will impact us for years to come.

I wanna be anxious for tomorrow. I want to be excited for tomorrow. I want the prospects for tomorrow to be filled with hope and optimism. I want tomorrow to be better than today. And at the start of today, I have hope that it’ll be better than yesterday. The margin of improvement doesn’t have to be by much. It can be so incremental I’d have a hard time noticing. I know it may not happen. But why should that possibility rob me of hope?

For seven months now I’ve been enduring what feels like a knife fight. A knife fight I’m losing. But I’m still alive and kicking (cue up the song by Simple Minds – click here to watch it; it’s got almost 48 million views).

I’ve learned more in the last 7 months than I’ve learned in the last 7 years. So there’s THAT. Suffering is a great teacher provided we’re open and willing to learn.

Lately I’ve been fascinated more and more by our capacity, probably more accurately stated – our incapacity, to fill gaps in our knowledge. I’ve talked quite a lot in the past about how prone we all are to make incorrect and inaccurate assumptions. People may see us at our worst and conclude, “That’s who he is. He’s a jerk.” We rather enjoy opening the worst chapter of somebody’s life and judging their whole story based on that. Yet we realize the unfairness of it all when it’s happening to us. So it goes.

Giving grace and compassion is hard. So hard it seems to be increasingly rare. Perhaps harder still for some, is giving more grace and compassion to ourselves. Not in accepting our poor behavior, or in looking to excuse it, but in coming to terms with it, recognizing it and devoting ourselves to grow past it.

Leo Bottary and I just recorded a show for our podcast, WHAT ANYONE CAN DO. He just got back from doing some workshops over in the U.K. He got some feedback from the first few and the feedback could have been viewed as less than flattering, but Leo chose to view it through a different lens. The audience members had an expectation that wasn’t met. Leo took responsibility for it. He didn’t shy away from it. He didn’t resent it or push against it. Instead, Leo realized as the workshop leader the burden of responsibility was on him, not the audience. He felt as though he dropped the ball so he went to work to correct things, improve things and grow better.

I know life can sometimes be wearisome. I know it can be tough to get out of bed some days. I also know we’ve all got plenty of regrets and bad behavior in our rearview mirror. For some of us, the objects in the mirror are much closer than they appear. Fact is, some of us may be engaged in poor or dangerously foolish behavior right now. It happens.

What are we gonna do with it? Like Leo, we have choices. We can face it, make up our mind to grow from it by first fixing it, then move forward. Or, we can follow the many lemmings who chose to be victims living the life dictated by the universe.

We can bemoan our lives, grow increasingly dissatisfied that we don’t have the life of our dreams, or even a life free of pain. And we can fail to look forward to tomorrow, hoping that today is speed on by. I wouldn’t wish such a life on anybody. I certainly wouldn’t wish it on you. I wanna be anxious – excited – for tomorrow. I want you to be anxious for it, too. I just know that the best way to make that happen is to take full advantage of today, the day God has given each of us. A day where we can come to ourselves, realizing the gifts we’ve been given, perhaps the gifts we’ve squandered…and a day where we can make up our mind to improve and grow.

It’s the only way tomorrow is going to worth living. By our dedication to bringing our best selves to the universe so we can have the most positive impact possible on others.

RC

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The Reward – For A Special Leaning Toward Wisdom (LTW) Episode

• 10-minute Skype call with me (30 minutes if you donate $25 or more)
• The topic: tell me about a time when somebody really encouraged you in a meaningful way
• This will provide content for a special episode about encouragement 
• I’ll include your name and any links you care to promote (or if you prefer, you can remain anonymous because I still want the stories)

It’s the power of others. And it includes the power of others to help the LTW podcast. Thank you for all your support!

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Somewhere along the way is a terrific lyric and song title by the band, DAWES. Click play on that video and give it a listen.

These are the last lyrics to the song…

But somewhere along the way I started to smile again
I don’t remember when
Somewhere along the way
Things will turn out just fine
I know it’s true this time

So many things happen somewhere along the way. The older we get, the further up the trail we travel. Somewhere along the way just about anything and everything happens. Things we didn’t bargain for. Other things we caused. Intentionally. Unintentionally.

Every life consists of the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. It’s the dramatic contrasts that make up every life. Life may be a highway, but it’s not quite like that open, clear and straight stretch. Well, not for long. Our lives have bumps, twists, turns, potholes and hazards. Unlike Waze, which warns us, life doesn’t always provide ample notice.

But today I’m not concentrating on the downside. Or the unexpected drama. Instead, I’m thinking of the things we’ve been able to figure out somewhere along the way. The lessons we learned. The growth we experienced. All because we’re on this highway of our life with more road ahead of us to traverse. Feeling the need, if not the urgency, to get it even more figured out so we can have the best journey possible.

Today, and I suppose every day, it should be about our collective efforts to help each other figure it out so we can make the trip profitable, impactful and memorable.

Do you know what’s mostly missing from that featured image for today’s show? People. There are no people in that image and that makes the trip boring, unprofitable and pretty worthless.

This morning I had a long breakfast meeting with one of my former clients – one of my very favorite former clients. We spent considerable time talking about relationships and why we matter to each other. Not just he and I, but why so many people in our lives matter. We both know it’s because somewhere along the way we needed somebody, and somewhere along the way, we were needed by somebody.

Let’s face it. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. There’s a considerable amount of hatred, bigotry, and judgment. Somewhere along the way, we lost our compassion. Somewhere along the way, grace gave way to harsh condemnation. Somewhere along the way many of us lost our way in how to build meaningful relationships with others.

Somewhere along the way we lost our willingness to cut each other some slack.

Somewhere along the way we lost our curiosity to confirm whether our assumptions or conclusions were accurate or not.

Somewhere along the way we lost our way toward living more deeply honest lives, opting instead for Internet fame measured by followers, shares and likes.

Somewhere along the way we lost our humanity. Our hearts grew colder, more judgmental and bitter. Resentment overtook us and somewhere along the way we embraced feeling victimized. We surrendered our hearts and our control over our own choices.

Of course, we didn’t all lose it. Or surrender it. But it’s growing increasingly difficult to guard our hearts and protect ourselves from the hatred, intolerance and harsh judgment.

Somewhere along the way lots of people got lost. I watched Operation Toussaint on Amazon Prime the other day. It’s a documentary about Tim Ballard, an ex-Homeland Security officer who is now the founder and CEO of Operation Underground Railroad, a non-profit dedicated to rescuing enslaved children. According to Tim, the population of enslaved people is higher today than at any other time in human history. According to AntiSlavery.org, there are an estimated 5 million children enslaved throughout the world. That number proves the high demand of sick people willing to sell, buy and trade children for sex or work. Somewhere along the way these people stopped behaving as humans with care, concern, and compassion for children. Somewhere along the way, they grow so selfish and so depraved that they’re nothing but a scourge on the world.

How is it possible for human beings to become so steeped in sin and corruption? I often look for answers, likely searching in the bushes of complexity for what may likely be simpler answers. That most of us simply decide to do what we want. Somewhere along the way we decide we’ll do what we most want to do, no matter what. No matter who is hurt. No matter what damage is done. Along the way convincing ourselves that we deserve the ability to do whatever it is we most want to do.

It’s a desolate journey. A road not less traveled, but a road more traveled. Self-centeredness. Selfishness.

Leaning toward wisdom is the name of the podcast. Not leaning toward foolishness. So I want to turn this ship around and set sail for the shores of OPTIMISM to what may be a far away country from where you currently are, HOPE. There’s something marvelous about this country called HOPE. It’s grossly underpopulated. There are no walls or narrow ports of entry. Nobody needs a passport or visa. Citizenship is open to anybody who simply decides to go there and abide by the rules that govern the place…you just have to keep hope alive and display it in your life. Lose compassion and care for others and you lose hope. It’s that simple.

Being Responsible

Somewhere along the way, we learn to accept responsibility for ourselves or we learn to put the blame on others. It’s a fairly binary lesson we learn even though we execute it on a scale that often slides around. Some days we’re more victim than responsible. Other days we’re more responsible than victim. The key is to veer as strongly as we can, every single day, toward being responsible. Taking care of ourselves and owning our own outcomes.

As adults, we have to embrace personal responsibility because we are – responsible. Those enslaved kids that Tim Ballard rescues…they’re true victims. They’re not responsible for what has happened to them. But we’re not them. We’re adults. We make choices every day to do whatever it is we do. When our outcomes aren’t what we want – or hope them to be – it’s up to us to change our course…somewhere along the way. To figure out what we must do to improve and grow. To become responsible.

It’s The Path To Our Ability To Help Others By First Helping Ourselves

Lost souls. On the lost highway. Leon Payne was a Texas born and bred songwriter. Hank Williams, Sr. recorded one of his songs in 1949, Lost Highway. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers also recorded it in 2006. You can see video of their performance in the documentary, Running Down A Dream.

I’m a rollin’ stone all alone and lost
For a life of sin I have paid the cost
When I pass by all the people say
Just another guy on the lost highway
Just a deck of cards and a jug of wine
And a woman’s lies makes a life like mine
O the day we met, I went astray
I started rolling down that lost highway
I was just a lad, nearly twenty two
Neither good nor bad, just a kid like you
And now I’m lost, too late to pray
Lord I take a cost, o the lost highway
Now boy’s don’t start to ramblin’ round
On this road of sin are you sorrow bound
Take my advice or you’ll curse the day
You started rollin’ down that lost highway

Job one is to get off the lost highway. It’s not the road to hope and humanity. But it’s overcrowded fooling us into thinking it’s the road to somewhere.

Somewhere along the way we hopefully look around more closely and gauge the behavior of the folks on the lost highway. It’s then that we wake up, realizing we’re behaving just like them. And it’s not wise. Or good.

Hope Manifested

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”

― William Hutchison Murray

We can create our own hope, increase our own humanity and become better people. But not until we’re committed to something other than our selfishness.

Serendipity is a real thing. So is providence.

Few things trump the power of a mind made up. Couple a mind made up with a mind determined to forge ahead and you’ve got an unrivaled superpower.

Investigation Discovery is a favorite TV channel in our house. I admit it can be very depressing to watch how cruel and unreasonable people can behave toward others. Especially family. But rather than making me more callous, it fuels my already high empathy. Empathy for the investigators and law enforcement folks trying to solve the murders. Empathy for the family members dealing with the aftermath of the horrific experiences. Empathy for all the victims.

To what are you committed as you motor down the road? Somewhere along the way, there are tons of opportunities for selfish wickedness. But somewhere along the way are many more opportunities for hope, helpfulness, and expressions of compassion. What we choose along the way determines the destination. There’s the lead I’m so fond of burying in most episodes. That somewhere along the way we make up our minds what we’ll do, how we’ll behave toward others, what actions we’ll engage in, to what emotions and decisions we’ll surrender…and they all add up to determine our destiny.

We’re tempted to not think so. Life urges us to finger point, feel sorry for ourselves, blame others…and to live with wishful thinking. Wishing our lives had been better. Wishing somebody would save us from our own stupidity and foolishness. Wishing for more without paying the high price required. Wishing for happiness without sacrifice. Wishing for relationships without having to submit to anything except what we most want ourselves.

Along the way means we’re moving. Hopefully, forward. But maybe not. Many lives are meandering. Some, in the ditch. Like truckers, it’s important that we keep it between the white lines. Equally critical that we stay in our lane and not swerve into oncoming traffic. Life may be a highway, but we still have to be careful and watchful.

We tend to think of life along the way as just one way. But like your favorite vacation destination, you have to know the folks who live there vacation somewhere else. Maybe they go to your hometown. One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor and all that.

The destinations of life vary. To each his own.

But no matter where you’re aiming to go, there’s a right way and wrong way to get there. Sometimes it’s helpful to delay our goal in order to help somebody get further along toward their own destination. Quite often we find such actions propel us forward toward our own goal. It’s the upside of unintended consequences. They’re not always negative.

Somewhere along the way we learn. We grow. We improve. We find out what matters the most. Who matters the most. But it only happens when we’re dedicated to being better human beings.

I’ll leave you with the lyrics of another song Somewhere Along The Way that was recorded in 1951 by Nat King Cole. It was written by Kurt Adams, with lyrics by Sammy Gallop.

I used to walk with you
Along the avenue
Our hearts were carefree and gay
How could I know I’d lose you
Somewhere along the way?
The friends we used to know
Would always smile “Hello”
No love like our love they’d say
Then love slipped through our fingers
Somewhere along the way
I should forget
But with the loneliness of night I start remembering everything
You’re gone and yet
There’s still a feeling deep inside
That you will always be part of me
So now I look for you
Along the avenue
And as I wander I pray
That some day soon I’ll find you
Somewhere along the way
I should forget
But with the loneliness of night I start remembering everything
You’re gone and yet
There’s still a feeling deep inside
That you will always be part of me
So now I look for you
Along the avenue
And as I wander I pray
That some day soon I’ll find you
Somewhere along the way
Somewhere along the way

Who are you looking for somewhere along the way? I hope it’s somebody to help. Somebody to encourage. Somebody to listen to, and understand. Somebody who may just be the somebody able to do for you what nobody else can. Or will.

 

Help The Yellow Studio & The Leaning Toward Wisdom Podcast Get A Rode Rodecaster Pro

Now that Sweetwater has the unit, I’m linking up their E-gift-card link (you can enter ANY amount you want): https://www.sweetwater.com/shop/gift-cards/email

Use email: RandyCantrell [at] gmail [dot] com

 

The Reward – For A Special Leaning Toward Wisdom (LTW) Episode

• 10-minute Skype call with me (30 minutes if you donate $25 or more)
• The topic: tell me about a time when somebody really encouraged you in a meaningful way
• This will provide content for a special episode about encouragement
• I’ll include your name and any links you care to promote (or if you prefer, you can remain anonymous because I still want the stories)

It’s the power of others. And it includes the power of others to help the LTW podcast. Thank you for all your support!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 32:08 — 29.6MB)

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | Email | RSS | More

The title is a line from William Faulkner’s 1930 novel, As I Lay Dying. I don’t know if you believe in an afterlife or not. But the line Faulkner wrote during the 168 or so odd hours he spent writing this story, from the hours of midnight to 4 am over the course of six weeks, captures not only our imagination but our emotions. It’s not lost on me that 168 hours is also the number of hours in one week. Nor is it lost on me that this work was produced in 1929 while Faulkner while worked night shifts at the University of Mississippi Power House. I suppose keeping tabs on a power plant at night isn’t arduous enough work to prevent a writer from writing. But then again, perhaps nothing is powerful enough to prevent a true writer from writing. He’d just gotten married and was only 32.

I’m well past 32, but the line he wrote in the wee hours of one night in 1929 provides sober notions of what really matters in our life. And provides some sense of urgency about what we must do with life in this sphere.

In 2016 a TED talk was published featuring Robert Waldinger, the current director of a 75-year study on adult development. In the presentation, Dr. Waldinger, a psychiatrist, asks and answers the question, “What makes a good life?” I only take issue with the lack of spiritual considerations, but you should take about 13 minutes and watch it. Spoiler alert: it’s relationships!

It’s not money. Or fame. Or power. It’s people. It’s connection.

From a work perspective – and even a personal perspective – our lives are largely measured by the people in our lives. Those we surround ourselves with. Those who allow us to surround them.

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.” 

That’s another line from the novel. Brilliant enough to make me envious of Faulkner’s wordsmithing talents.

Leaning toward wisdom is hard work. Doable, but hard.

This is about living. It’s about living in a way where we have far more great moments than not. Where we’re impacting people by helping them achieve levels of success unlikely without us. Where our family, friends and other people we care about are positively influenced by us. Where encouragement is high.

I’m driven by two words: legacy and significance.

I don’t consider Faulkner’s words to be so morose.  I consider them challenging. Challenging us to get to the heart of the matter. To face the reality of why do what we do, or why we make the choices we make. Of all the things we could be doing instead of whatever it is we’re doing — we’re choosing to do this. Why?

Death is the end of life here. If we assume we’ll live to be 80 or older, it’s not a lot of time. You’re likely between the ages of 27 and 70. Maybe you’re younger. Maybe older. No matter. You’re either statistically ahead of the “death curve” or behind it. Meaning, you’ve either got more future in front of you than past, or you’ve got more past behind you than future in front of you. This timeline of life is always moving us further up the road toward the end. It’s our reality. All of us.

What Are You Doing With Your Time?

The crux of my work with CEO’s, business owners and leaders isn’t time management. For starters, I don’t believe in it. Not for myself anyway. I prioritize on the fly. Always have. I scan what’s happening and immediately (with speed) put the urgent and important thing up at the very top. Urgent but less important things tend to not be considered urgent for me. I have trouble labeling anything urgent that isn’t important. Illustration: I was out and about and my gas light came on. I pulled into a gas station and fueled up. The morning 38-ounce water bottle I had emptied was catching up with me. I had the urge, but the gas station was one of those cashier booth only kind of places. So I fill up and head toward home. By the time I got home it was urgent. Might not seem so important, but tell my bladder that. It was URGENT. And it was IMPORTANT. I guess somebody may be able to convince me there’s a way something can be urgent without being important, but I don’t live like that. So, I prioritize in real-time. Always have.

And I get stuff done, then move on. My objective is to fix it the first time, if possible. I’m not interested in patching it up so it’ll hold for a bit to buy me more time. Why would I want to come back and mess with it again if I’m here right now messing with it? It’s a point of view. You can have a different one and I won’t think less of you.

It all speaks to how we deal with TIME. I’ve just given you a glimpse of how I deal with it. It’s important for us to think more deeply about it because it’s all we’ve got. Our hours, days, months and years make up our lives. And the lives of the people who matter to us.

People.

What are you doing with your time and the people in your life?

I’m very involved in church work. The other day somebody asked me about that work and I told them how there are many young adults in my life (my favorite people). Right now, I’m completely focused on serving them to see who may be able and willing to one day serve in leadership. In short, I said, “I’m working really hard to grow future leaders.” First, I had to – and I still have to – invest in myself to become a better leader. And I do.

I spend time with myself. I spend time with other people. I’m much less focused these days on some specific work product as I am the people producing or helping produce the work product. Yes, the work product matters, but a funny thing happens when you put the attention where it can serve you best – on the people (and this includes yourself). The work product dramatically improves. Problems get solved more quickly. More permanently. Opportunities get spotted more quickly, too. And taken advantage of. People gain energy. And enthusiasm when we begin to understand that they’re the horsepower behind the engine that is our business!

We’re all gonna be dead much longer than we’ll be alive. That is, we’ll be on this planet for a brief time. The world will go on without us much, much longer than it will go on with us.

That’s urgency!

That’s important!

It’s also why the third leg of the trifecta of business building exists. Over at GrowGreat.com where I serve leaders I often talk about the trifecta of business building: getting new customers, serving existing customers better and not going crazy in the process.

Can we operate our businesses and our lives without losing ourselves? Can we live our lives and enhance ourselves? Can we live in a way that drives success higher than before…while at the same time finding greater joy? Yes, yes and yes.

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.” 

You have to think about it. Then you have to believe it. That it’s possible. And you’ve got to feel it deep down where you really live.

When you do, it’ll change everything. For the better. Your actions will be congruent to make it so. Lord willing, somewhere down the line, you’ll be able to look back with fond memories of how well you did. And it’ll happen because of the people you decided to give your attention to, and the people you allowed to give to you.

Craving Encouragement: The Hatching Of An Idea

Craving Encouragement began as just a truth unraveled by the realization that no matter who we are, or our station in life…every single one of us craves somebody willing and able to walk with us through our struggles. Not somebody who will cheerlead us with trite phrases – “You can do anything you put your mind to” – but people who love us, care about us and want to do whatever they can to serve us. It’s our universal craving for deeper connection and deeper encouragement.

Every human being craves connection. Perhaps introverts, like me, crave fewer, but deeper connection. Extroverts may lean more toward a wider variety of connections. Those details don’t matter so much. Mostly, what we all crave is a human connection with somebody who understands us in all of our context. That makes these connections valuable, but it also makes them rare.

We have many slashes behind our name. The various titles and roles we have. The struggle is compounded because finding somebody – developing a close relationship with somebody – who fully understands all these slashes is really hard. Harder still to find such a person who loves us enough to seek our very best — even if it means challenging us, pushing us and doing all the things necessary to encourage us through our toughest times.

Tough times are often made tougher because we’re unwilling to be vulnerable enough with people who care about us. It’s a protection thing. Fearful that we may be hurt, we avoid letting down our guard enough to allow somebody to encourage us. The surgeon capable of saving our life also has the capacity to do us harm. Trust…deep enough trust that we know the surgeon is working hard to help us, we willingly put our trust in this person. In a similar fashion, if we’ll be served by those willing to encourage us, we have to be open to the possibility, however remote, that we may suffer. The power to help also has the power to harm. We have to be willing to face both realities.

Sometimes we’ll be hurt. But hopefully, more often than not, we’ll be served. And be able to serve.

Have you ever hurt somebody you really love? Of course. We’ve all done that. Hopefully, not because our aim was to do them harm, but because we were careless, or ignorant…or just human! Craving encouragement is a valid desire. Examine the perceived intentions of the people who surround you. Not all the people who surround us are created equally. Look for the people in your life with the very best intentions. Look for the people in your life who you admire and love the most, and those who love and admire you.

Learn to encourage. It’s the quickest path to elevating your own reception of encouragement. It’s also the ideal path toward making a deeper mark on the world, by making a bigger impact on the lives of the people you care about most. Helping others is the reason for living.

Wednesday afternoon late, I lost a lifelong person like that. Here’s what I posted on Facebook about him, along with a photograph containing a line by poet Thomas Campbell. ” To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”

Barney Owens left this world for the next late yesterday afternoon, Wednesday – February 20, 2019 around 5:15pm EST. He was a lifelong friend, confidant and mentor. The phrase in scripture that has always most reminded me of Barney is “a word fitly spoken.”

Proverbs 25:11-13 “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold
In settings of silver. Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear. Like the cold of snow in time of harvest Is a faithful messenger to those who send him, For he refreshes the soul of his masters.”

Barney was never verbose. With simple, straightforward Kentucky bred wit he’d always find words that would cut to the chase.

When I was much younger it was apparent we shared more than Faith. Barney was a reader and a pondering man. Studying at the feet of Edwin Morris for many years, I’d often smile when listening to Barney encourage me or challenge me using a phrase I’d heard Edwin use so many times. “I’ve been studying about that,” he’d say. Barney was a studying man. I wanted to benefit as much as possible from his endeavors.

He held a unique spot in my world – a man capable and willing to caringly challenge. Unafraid to tell me where he feared I may be going awry. Pushing me to study more. So many times he’d begin a sentence with one verb, “Think.” For example, “Think about…” and he might mention a verse of scripture (more likely than not) or something he’d been pondering during the many miles he spent behind the steering wheel. Barney Owens was thoughtful about the Scriptures.

People lament growing older because of the toll it takes on health and finances. Those aren’t at the forefront of my growing older. Losing mentors is proving the most challenging of all for me.

I’m working hard to be responsible and wise so I can pass it on. All the lessons men like Barney taught me. All the hours invested to serve me. To make me better. To make me however good I may be. I’m the product of the people who have surrounded me. My faults are entirely my own.

I’m a better man because Barney Owens was my friend. I loved him very much. And thankfully last Friday in a phone conversation, our last, we took the opportunity to express that to each other.

I’ll miss him very much, but I’ll think of him often. And I’ll remember the truths he taught me so I can teach them to others.

Getting ready to stay dead a long time means we have to make the most of each day. The Bible makes it clear that God created mankind and that He created us for His glory. The ultimate purpose of man, according to the Bible, is to glorify God.

Isaiah 43:7 “everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

Of course, the big question is, “How?”

Mark 12:30-31 “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

There’s the reason for living. And if like me, you believe in a life beyond this one, then you believe being dead for a long time – dead physically – means spending eternity somewhere. Life here is preparation for a longer life elsewhere. Eternally.

It means putting forth a big effort to help others should become a bigger priority for us.

Do you want to show the podcast your support? Let me tell you how. Click here.

Thanks for listening.

RC

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Denny Crane wouldn’t change one thing about himself. Alan Shore, James Spader’s character, asks Denny what he’d change about himself. Denny replies, “Nothing.” That’s why he’s one of the greatest TV characters of all time. Denny Crane epitomized self-confidence, but more importantly…he was completely comfortable, no, pleased…about who and what he is. Genius! I miss that show, Boston Legal.

It’s a good question though.

As kids we’d throw a ball at a buddy and shout, “Think quick.” So let me throw you a question with the same challenge, “Think quick!”

What would you change about yourself? 

I doubt I’ve got any Denny Crane types listening to my podcast. If I do, let me hear from ya! 😉

The entire self-help (ahem, personal development) industry is based on the truth that most of us (maybe ALL of us) would change something about ourselves. Sometimes we know what it might be. Other times we might be stumped. We just know this ain’t it.

Mostly, I suspect people are aware of what they’d like to change…they just aren’t sure how. I was taught, through books when I was still a kid, that successful people don’t obsess about how. They mostly focus on who can help them, and get very focused on what they want to accomplish. I confess that was hard for me because…well, I was a teenager. I didn’t have a network of people who could or would help me figure it out. Whatever IT may be.

“Make the most of yourself….for that is all there is of you.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I started reading self-help books when I was young. I don’t remember the first one I read, but it was very likely, How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I’m pretty sure I started reading them because I was curious about improving myself. Truth be told, I wanted to be better. Denny Crane moments didn’t often occur in my life as a kid. They still don’t. 😉

There are so many things I’d change about myself that I doubt an Excel spreadsheet has the computing power to database them all. And yet I’m comfortable – especially at this age – with who and what I am. I’m a walking contradiction like that, I guess.

Sitting here inside The Yellow Studio listening to an album by Francis King that came out last year, Ask For The Moon, I started thinking more deeply and specifically about it. “Asking for the moon” is tantamount to asking for something that is seemingly impossible. At the very least, it’s quite difficult. Are there changes you’d make in yourself that seem impossible? Or very difficult?

With Francis singing to me through my headphones I started thinking how making big changes – seemingly impossible ones – are most worthwhile. I started to think back to the books and my attraction to that section of the bookstores, SELF-HELP. So I pondered it, took a stroll through my bookshelves and concluded – perhaps incorrectly, I’m not sure – that Stephen Covey’s 1989 bestseller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, may have been among the first to distill a variety of notions put forth by the self-help crowd. I’m not saying it was the first book to capture my attention or even the first content I seriously consumed and considered. Not by a long shot.

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”  ― Steven Wright

My maternal grandfather had some books on a little table by his evening chair. Guys had evening chairs back in the day. Maybe they still do. I’ve not had a chair (that’s dad’s chair) since my kids were toddlers. I’ve only had one and that one was it. I’m so deprived, no wonder there are so many things I would change about myself? 😀

“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”  ― William Faulkner

The year before I was born, in 1956, Earl Nightingale produced an audio record entitled, The Strangest Secret. I know I’ve had a recording of that since high school. I’m fairly sure I first heard it while I was in junior high. I remember being in junior high realizing that all the self-help books I knew about came from the insurance industry. By the time I was in high school I understood that all the sales books were also written by folks in the insurance game. Earl Nightingale owned an insurance agency. I’d later learn that before he was 30 he read Napoleon Hill’s classic, Think and Grow Rich. It changed his life and set him off on a career in motivation. By 1960 he had formed Nightingale-Conant with Lloyd Conant. Supposedly, the trigger idea for Nightingale was Napoleon Hill’s words that “we become what we think about.” This didn’t raise an eyebrow for me because I was trained in a Christian home where the Bible was read regularly. So from the time I was a child I knew the first part of Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinketh within himself, so is he.” I knew Napoleon Hill wasn’t the first to figure that out.

My quest to improve wasn’t likely driven so much by anything more than the notion that I can do better. I can be better. The truth that I’m not as good as I can be.

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.”  ― Albert Einstein

It wasn’t driven and isn’t driven today, by any belief that I was pathetic, inadequate, wretched or weak. I’ve almost always been comfortable in who I am. But I’ve also always been dissatisfied with who I presently am relative of who I hope to be tomorrow. The feeling is more optimistic than pessimistic. Discontentment with today based on the hope of tomorrow has never seemed like some negative curse to me, but instead an ongoing challenge to constantly improve.

Kaizen is the Japanese term for improvement. It means “change for the better.” I was in the consumer electronics and was familiar with Japanese manufacturers (suppliers) like Sony, Panasonic and Pioneer. Korea and Taiwan manufacturers would come much later, by the way. I’ve heard Kaizen and Ichiban (Japanese for number 1) for as long as I can remember. Kaizen properly describes what I’ve chased.

Change For The Better

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”  ― Ernest Hemingway

I’m not saying I’ve achieved it. Sometimes I have. Other times I’ve missed dreadfully.

Now, back to the question that we’re trying to wrestle down…

What would you change about yourself?

Sure, it can be anything. Weight? Fine. Fitness? That’s okay, too. Your nose? Okay, let’s not dive too deeply into vanity issues. Weight and fitness are health issues that we should take somewhat seriously. Get a nose job if it matters that much to you. Just please don’t get duck lips, or all this other stuff done to your face or body. Side note: Have you seen this Netflix movie, Bird Box with Sandra Bullock? This thing is breaking records and I just don’t get it. For starters, it’s not that good. And if you can watch Sandra Bullock, who I always thought was very attractive in a natural sort of way, without being fascinated by whatever facial surgery she’s had done…then you’re better than me.

Let me ask you something. Does it make sense to you that the older we get – if we’re fairly consistent in trying to improve ourselves – that the list of things we’d change should get shorter? Yeah, that makes sense to me, too. So why doesn’t it work that way. Instead, for me, the list just seems to be getting longer. It’s like I should have stopped decades ago. While I was ahead.

The explanation is pretty esay actually. We get smarter and wiser over time. Years ago the list was crazy long, but we didn’t see it. We couldn’t see the many things that needed changing so we incorrectly thought, “I’m good.” No, we weren’t. Ignorance is bliss…and bliss belongs to the young.

I figure by the time I die my list will so long it’ll consume most of my free Evernote account.

Do you ever think you’d like to change something, then you do it…and feel like you should change back? Yeah, me neither!

Sometimes it’s not something I want to change permanently. Meaning, I’m not trying to change how I behave generally, but there are moments where I’d like to change my behavior situationally. So I do. And then I can be prone to think, “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.” It may not be that we’re jerks – that would require a permanent change, at least it would if we wanted to improve. Sometimes we’re temporarily jerks. It requires a momentary, hopefully, an instantaneously change. That’s what happens when we sincerely apologize.

I grew up being taught that “I’m sorry” means you won’t do it again. I get that sentiment, but I don’t agree with it. It matters what we’re apologizing for, of course. Not every transgression is equal. Neither is every apology.

If you cheat on your spouse that apology is much different than if you forget to carry out the trash, and they get angry about it. Restitution is different, too. The punishment fits the crime.

Cheat on your spouse and if you’d have them forgive you, then you absolutely better mean “I will never do it again.” Forget to carry out the trash and a sincere apology may mean you don’t intend to neglect it again in the future, but you’re not likely making such a strong commitment about the trash. Fidelity versus trash is no contest. Changes vary based on the severity – and the consequences – of not changing.

Continue to cheat on your spouse and your shameful conduct will destroy your home. That’s selfishness that avoids changing for the better. No improvement. Just selfish fulfillment of what you want.

Carry out the trash, but every now and again it slips past you…well, the consequences of that aren’t likely all that bad.

Are you committed to your own improvement?

I guess that’s really the question to be answered. And let’s define improvement as behaving with wisdom. It’s about being a good person. And it includes treating yourself in a morally upright way, and treating others well, too. It’s about an ongoing quest to become the very best person you can be. Selfishness ruins the quest. Always! Self-awareness fuels it. Always!

When I say it’s change for the better, that doesn’t mean it’s just better for you. An extra-marital affair may seem “for the better” for the cheating spouse, but it’s wrong on every level. But that brings up the subjective nature of better. It’s absolutely relative, but is there a commitment to ongoing improvement? Is it a sham or is it real? Do you really want to become a better human or are you just trying to fool people?

Be honest with yourself. Trust the people who love you to be honest with you. This isn’t work to tackle in isolation because you’re not going to always see things accurately. You’re prone to blind spots and biases.

Public speakers are prone to think they’re better than they really are. Recordings don’t lie, but people can still fail to perceive reality. A speaker with a number of annoying and distracting verbal crutches continues to use them. He’s unaware of them. Even listening to himself, or watching himself doesn’t show him what needs to be corrected so he can improve. Until somebody points it out. Then he has the opportunity to hear himself or watch himself in a whole new light. His awareness is the genesis of improvement.

USA Today had a story the other day that got my attention. It was entitled, From ‘Misery’ to marvelous: Kathy Bates credits ‘mindfulness’ for 60-pound weight loss.

Veteran actress Kathy Bates has dropped an impressive 60 pounds, but it wasn’t the result of any trendy dieting plan.

Instead, the star of “Misery” and “American Horror Story” told Us Weekly she dropped the weight through “mindfulness, just knowing when to push my plate away.”

Bates explained, “My niece told me this little secret — I guess it’s no secret, it’s a biological thing — that at some point when you’re eating, you have this involuntary sigh and that’s really your brain and your stomach communicating that you’ve had enough. The trick is to pay attention to that and push your plate away.”

The 70-year-old actress, who has been shedding the weight since last year, says it took a while to develop the ability to do that.

“It took a few years,” Bates said. “I would say you have to be really patient … I don’t like the word ‘willpower,’ but I like the word ‘determination.’”

Six years after undergoing a double mastectomy for breast cancer, the Oscar and Emmy winner says, “I have never been in such good health.”

Bates, who also cropped and dyed her hair dark last year, even expressed remorse for not doing it sooner.

“I feel like a completely different person,” she told Us Weekly. “I can move, I can walk. I just wish I had done it years ago.”

Kathy Bates got some helpful insights from her niece. A small detail that made a big improvement. Another person helped Kathy figure this out. Her niece couldn’t do this for her though. Kathy had to make up her own mind. Her improvement had to be her decision.

The story captured my imagination a bit by the tactic of paying close attention to the involuntary sigh. What involuntary sighs exist in our lives that we ignore? By paying close attention to them we may be able to improve. Without the knowledge of such a thing, provided by her niece, Kathy may have never known about it. Was it the key missing piece to help her drop the weight? I don’t know, but it resonated with her. She embraced it. It provided something she needed to make up her mind that she was going to make this improvement in her life.

Clicks and Sighs

Something just clicks. We stroll through life unaware of something until one day something clicks. It’s usually something small.

That’s a partial explanation of why there are so many diets and diet books. They don’t all resonate with everybody. You hear wild success stories from the people for whom that particular program clicked. Is there power in the tactic or strategy? Of course. To varying degrees, but the real power is in us. It’s in the power of a mind made up to change!

Whether it’s Kathy Bates listening closely to her body sigh saying, “Okay, I’m full” or whether it’s our awareness that we’re saying “you know?” too much when we talk — there are clicks and sighs that can help alter the outcome if we’ll be open to them.

It’s time we started paying closer attention with a goal of figuring out what needs to be improved. Not because others want us to change – that won’t likely stick – but because we want it for ourselves. Know there are people in your life who are trying to serve you well. Kathy Bates had a niece who served her well. But Kathy didn’t lose the weight for her niece. You won’t make whatever improvements lie ahead for anybody but yourself. Even so, other people can help you figure out the path toward accomplishing whatever you decide.

So decide. Don’t stand pat. Stop berating yourself and start improving yourself. We can all do more to become better. That’s what wisdom is all about. Doing our best to make sure we can get it right in real time as often as possible.

“Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so.” ― Dale Carnegie

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