He Came Cold-Calling, And I Knocked Him Out Cold

There is a sign outside our offices that says, “No Soliciting Allowed.” It doesn’t always work. Like today - a few moments ago actually.

In walks a young guy in a shirt and tie. One of those leather legal pad binders in hand. He tells me his name - like I care. He tells me the company he’s with - like I really care. And he tells me his company is one of DHL’s largest partners. What does that mean? I don’t ask. I don’t care.

He utters one of the more ridiculous phrases I’ve heard from a cold-calling salesman, “I was in the area and wanted to drop by to say hello to the PRESIDENT.” Who? The President? Sure, buddy. The Prez has been waiting all morning for you to show up - so he can kick your @$$ right out the door. Moron.

No, I said none of those things, but I did behave badly. Here’s what I did say:

“Did you see that sign on the door?”

“Yes.”

“Get lost.”

That pretty much ended it - although he could be heard muttering something under his breath. I think he was commenting on how nicely I looked today. Figuring he’d promptly go out into the parking lot and key every car, I decided to go to the front windows to watch. Nope, no keying took place. Sigh of relief.

Then I began to get an overwhelming sense of shame and regret. Yes, he was a moron. Yes, it was stupid of him to barge in asking to speak to the president. But did his moronic work behavior dictate that I kick him out. Perhaps. It sure made it much faster. Usually, I nicely try to get rid of folks, but they always try to fight through your invitation to get rid of them. Most often, by putting something like a business card, brochure, calendar or a free notepad in your hand. I don’t want to talk to these people much less make a physical connection with them by accepting something. I just want them to leave.

But here I am - somewhat sorry for having been an @H to this young man. It wasn’t necessary - maybe. I’m not better for having behaved poorly. I never am. Sometimes it just happens before I’ve thought it through. And it happens frequently when morons sneak up on me unannounced. I like to prepare for all my encounters with idiots.

I’m sorry. Mr. “I Can’t Read Your No-Soliciting Sign, Cold Calling” Salesman, please forgive me. But don’t come back. Ever!