Old Age And Experience Need A USB Port

Old Age And Experience Need A USB Port

So we can take full advantage of what they know. Their insights, experience and wisdom need to be more easily passed on.

Randy Cantrell

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Men Who Would Occupy High Places

Men Who Would Occupy High Places

Critics are men who watch a battle from a high place, then come down and shoot the survivors.   -Ernest Hemingway

I was 11 when I learned how men will clamor for power and authority. Sitting along side my father I watched men wrangle, argue and get worked up. Cooperation was absent. Collaboration wasn’t even an afterthought. The only objective was, “Who is in charge?” And it was apparent to me that more than more man wanted the role. Hence, the wrangling.

Life rolled on and as a young teenager working in a stereo store I saw more of the pecking order. I’d grown up seeing it so it wasn’t new. First appearance was likely on the playground as we’d all try to figure out what we’d play. Invariably somebody installed themself as the contrarian – the person who would go against what everybody else wanted. I quickly realized it had nothing to do with preference and everything to do with control. Power. Authority. Hoping to gain an advantage that might be imposed on the rest of us. Thankfully, I grew up in an American that wasn’t yet awakened. #Woke Mostly, such tactics didn’t work because we refused to cooperate. Lemmingitus would arrive later in America. It’s now a global epidemic.

Bullies almost always ran up against a tougher opponent. Or a group of people who figured together they could conquer a single bully who might have a few buddies hanging on. I was still in elementary school when I learned a verbal punch to the mouth could back a bully down. Quickly. It didn’t hurt that I wasn’t a shrimpy kid. I was tall and husky. Husky was once a size of boy’s clothing. 😉 True.

Bravery to confront the bully wasn’t hard for me. Watching, listening, paying close attention taught me mostly there was substantially louder barking than actual biting. Besides, I wasn’t terribly afraid of being bitten. Justice and rightness were more important to me. And peace.

By the time I was in 6th grade I was a world-class peace keeper. Experience will do that. I’ve no way of knowing how many fights I broke up. Or how many arguments I shut down. Enough that it taught me lifelong lessons in how to do it successfully.

Mostly, I didn’t want to be in charge, but I didn’t want anybody else to be either. That is, I knew my parents were my authority – and God. But we’re all out here in the yard playing and why did we need somebody to be in charge? Seemed best that we all just work to some agreement so we could get on with the business of playing before it got dark and we all had to go home. Playing was way more fun than arguing or fussing.

I grew up. And increasingly saw men (I’m excluding women only because as a boy growing up my experience was mostly with other men) willing to behave poorly as they fought for positions of power. Or esteem.

Pride goeth before a fall.

I’d learned that from the Bible. Heard it preached at worship services. Knew Bible stories that illustrated it well.

Ecclesiastes 10:6 Fools are put in many high positions, while the rich occupy the low ones.

I believed it.

I confess I’ve never had a day where I thought I was the smartest person in the room. Or the playground. Or at work. Or in the classroom. Rather, I knew I was not. Always dissatisfied with current knowledge and understanding I sought to learn more. Curious enough to ask the stupid question, I’d blindly ask without much thought to how ridiculous it might make me look. I figured I looked and sounded ridiculous anyway, so I might as well know and understand whilst looking and sounding ridiculous!

As with most episodes, I’ve given this subject considerable thought for a long, long time. Mostly because my curiosity continues to grow on the subject of power, authority, control and tyranny.

Randy Cantrell

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Driven By Discontentment

Driven By Discontentment

 

Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.      – Thomas A. Edison

Randy Cantrell

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Are You A Shining Star Or Space Trash?

Are You A Shining Star Or Space Trash?

During my first few months at a brand new job – my first job where I wasn’t working for my dad – I had a routine. I’d get out of class, drive to work and within minutes of walking into the stereo shop I would make my way to one of the sound rooms (yep, we had actual rooms with various stereo equipment set up; each room had sliding glass patio doors). I’d slip the vinyl out of the jacket, put the record on the turntable, grab a record cleaner called DiscWasher and clean it. Then, I’d lower the tonearm, turn up the volume knob on the amp and enjoy listening to Earth, Wind & Fire sing their famous song, “Shining Star.” The beginning (and middle and end) of that song continues to be among my all-time favorites. It was a terrific record.

“You’re a shining star, no matter who you are. Shining bright to see what you can truly be.”

YouTube player

 

Let’s get the obvious out of the way. Not everybody has the same brilliance in their shine. Truth is, some of us are quite dim with no shine at all. Dull. The wasted lives are visible proof. Too many lifeless eyes and emotionless expressions thanks to alcohol, Fentanyl and other narcotics.

Others are so bright others have a hard time even looking at them (or listening to them). Most have overcome adversities few fully know or understand. People determined to find a path forward. Resolved to reach a higher orbit where only the shining people reside.

Notice the lyric isn’t “I’m a shining star, no matter who I am.” Well, that doesn’t quite have the ring, but I notice pronouns. You’re – you are isn’t the same as I’m – I am. But the “no matter who you are” is inclusive, right?

In our heads, we don’t often think or feel like shining stars. It’s easy to see others as shining more brightly than we do. Just like it’s easier to focus on what we don’t have, than on what we do. Or to focus on what we can’t do versus what we can. It’s like we’re always doing exactly the opposite of what’s good for us.

I’ve noodled around with this particular episode for over 3 years. The draft beginning has sat here inside my WordPress dashboard that long. I’d come to look at it, think about it, write a little bit, then abandon it. Don’t know why.

It’s not because I didn’t like the topic. I guess I got distracted by other things. The likely explanation is that it’s just too upbeat and positive. 😀

Rhonda’s last birthday – this past summer – provoked a revisit of today’s show idea. I used to whip her with a letter on every birthday. I don’t mean the letter R or some other letter, but a hand-written or typed out letter. I haven’t done it the last couple of years because I know it beats her down. She’s not nearly as sappy or sentimental as I am. 😉

I can’t quite remember what prompted the beginning of this episode. Maybe I was thinking about Rhonda being the foremost shining star in my life. And now, as we’re nearing the end of another year, maybe that provoked some ideas.

Then there’s all this talk about mental health and the recent suicides in the news.

Then there’s the rampant disease of comparison-itis where so many folks let other people determine their level of satisfaction or happiness. It’s especially rampant during the summer, vacation months where people Instagram their exotic vacation photos. And others view them with envy wishing they could afford a single night at a local fancy hotel. Envy is a bitter thing.

As I am wont to do, I was thinking of these, and a variety of other things when I came back to this post.

A person you love very much. Let’s start there. In my case, my wife of over 40 years. Who celebrated a birthday last Sunday. Our family is officially celebrating this coming Sunday. We do things like that. Delay celebrations to match a more convenient time for everybody.

I was playing that Earth, Wind & Fire record – That’s The Way Of The World – as soon as it came out in January 1975. Rhonda and I wouldn’t go out on our first date until July 2, 1975. I’d been listening to that record almost daily for half a year. I didn’t listen to this in my car – 8 tracks were the musical form factor at the time. I only listened to this record on a good home stereo system. I still don’t know why. But funk wasn’t part of the musical mix deployed while driving.

That’s only important because during our first dates music by Jackson Browne and Pure Prairie League were the default go-to artists. I learned rather quickly that her musical tastes and experiences were fairly limited and not terribly congruent with my own. No matter, I fell in love with her quickly despite the fact that I owned no Beach Boys’ 8-tracks. I figured I wouldn’t impose Lou Reed, Led Zepellin and Little Feat on her right away.

Earth, Wind & Fire were on break during that July 4th holiday of 1975. But they dominated the rest of the year. Going back to class and work at the hi-fi shop were made easier thanks to this song. Uplifting, funky and the kind of tune to make your toes tap and your shoulders sway. It still has that power.

Rhonda was (and still is) a shining star. You’ve got one I suppose. I hope. It’s important stuff.

I slapped the headphones on and listened to this song about 3 times in a row while preparing for today’s show. Toward the end of the song, when the instruments go quiet and all you hear is the vocal harmonies…it dawned on me that a big part of what drives us is to BE a shining star to somebody else.

It’s more of that wonderment of us doing exactly the opposite of what’s often good for us. Not that finding somebody who is our shining star is bad for us. It’s not. But it can dominate our thinking, preventing us from better understanding and learning how we can be a shining star for somebody else.

I’m hopeful that with Rhonda I killed two birds with one stone. She’s my star and I’m hoping I’m hers. Some days I figure I’m more like space trash, but so it goes. You have to earn your star every day, right?

Speaking of being discouraged. 😉

I’m always keenly aware of people who are suffering. Trouble attracts me. Like a magnet. It’s who I am. Coach, counselor, service provider, helper…pick some other description you prefer. They all apply to me. I have Spidey-senses for it. My intuition is always on full alert for folks needing a leg up. I’m quick to respond. It’s like a reflex. Almost automatic.

Last week we talked about how some folks relish having a bad day…and make it who they are. I usually steer pretty clear of such folks. I’m talking about the folks who quietly suffer and endure. There’s a vibe I get knowing somebody is going through a hard time. I can’t explain it. I don’t even fully understand it. Best I can tell, from all my study and observation, is that we all have these micro signals we give off. Some people are like me, we pick up even the most subtle signs. Others don’t even notice.

I’ve learned not to intrude or impose. Instead, I politely inquire. That’s usually all that’s required to break the dam and begin the conversation because I’ve also learned that such people crave somebody they can confide in. Safe harbors are inviting. Rare, but inviting.

When you’re a no-talent hack, you have to lean hard into the one-trick you’ve got. This is my trick. Without it, I might just be space trash. But with it, I can be a shining star for a few.

Randy Cantrell

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Don’t Let A Bad Day Become More

Don’t Let A Bad Day Become More

Many motivational speakers talk about having had a bad day. Most go on to share how they lost it all, or how life crushed them down below the ground level. Or left them homeless and destitute. But…

The Phoenix will always rise back up.

Never mind that quite a few stories we hear are fabricated. But not all of them.

Let’s talk about truth though. True stories. Your story. My story.

Reality.

YouTube player

 

“You had a bad day.”

Pain is a common topic for many people. I’m not talking about physical, injury-based or sickness-based pain. I’m talking about victim-based pain. “You hurt me,” kind of pain. “You did me wrong,” kind of pain.

The Internet has increasingly become a place where people enjoy airing out all their dirty laundry and pining about how much trauma they’ve experienced. For those inclined to see themselves as victims, the Internet is boomtown! A thriving place to enjoy feeling sorry for oneself. And for blaming others for one’s lot in life.

In spite of Tik Tok influencers who want to blast the boomers (my generation) for failing to understand things like work ethic, or why we have no clue about life in the world today, or a host of other complaints which every younger generation makes about the older generation (read your history and you’ll find many of those hippies who attended Woodstock went on to become quite successful on Wall Street and other places associated with financial success). Every generation thinks it’s the smartest one to ever come along until they get old and realize how wrong they were. 😉

I don’t care about where anybody is on the timeline of life because there’s nothing we can do about it. I didn’t have a say in being a baby boomer. I just was. My kids had no say in being Gen X or Millennial. By the way, if you’re as confused as I am about these labels I found this chart to be helpful.

The Generations
Until I saw that chart I didn’t know there were 2 distinct groups of Boomers. It’s such a big group I suppose they figured it deserved to be split up. Generation Jones Boomers are those, like me, who were too young to be drafted into military service because of the war in Viet Nam. Our parents were mostly those Post War folks, people whose dad served in World War II.

Times Are Always Changing

And with it, language. Words like trauma.

Woke Culture Suffering

For my generation trauma, suffering and pain denote something very different than they do for a Gen Z person. Being slighted by somebody, snubbed or even ridiculed isn’t any of those things for me, but they’re common among Gen Z. If you were write a mean, hateful review of this podcast for Apple Podcasts I would not think much of it. I certainly wouldn’t be traumatized by it. It would likely cause me no discomfort. I might be puzzled by it, but my viewpoint would have a lot more to do with the author of the review than me. I’d likely wonder what’s happening on somebody’s life that might compel them to use such a platform to air their grievance. And it’d be likely that the person to write such a review would have never reached out to me because that’s not how these things tend to go.

But take that same scenario and apply it to a podcaster half my age and it could devastate them. Might even cause them to quit podcasting. A single hateful review.

A complete stranger wielding that kind of power seems strangely weird to me, but I see it constantly. Podcasters (and anybody else doing something) consider themselves traumatized by some unjust critic. The trauma is only possible because we give others permission. We say YES to whatever it is we think is happening. Or we reject it and move on with our life, which is what I choose to do.

A person has a bad day. They take it out on me. And that affects me how? It doesn’t if I don’t let it. It can cause me to have a day, too – IF I permit. IF I decide I’m going to be negatively impacted by some ninnie who has no clue about me, or my life, or what’s going on with me – some stranger who happens to click PLAY on my podcast – then that’s on me, not them. By the way, no such thing has happened so I’m only speaking fictitiously because I’m so well-loved nobody would dare be ugly about me. Certainly not in public. 😀

Did my generation grow up learning to care less what others thought? Maybe.

Did my generation grow up not clamoring for approval? Likely.

Did my generation grow up working for tyrants and “the man?” Absolutely, but there were exceptions (even though they may have been few)

Did my generation learn work ethic worked and benefited our life? Of course.

Did my generation get it all right? Nope.

Here’s the difference. Because Boomers are older, we’ve endured more bad days. We’ve had to figure more out because we lived longer. Experience matters.

It also means we’ve experienced more mistakes. Found more things that didn’t work. And hopefully, we’ve figured out a few things that do work.

True value is from the self-reflection on those experiences though. The passing of time isn’t where the magic is found. It helps and it’s necessary, but it’s only valuable if we learn from it. Learning demands self-reflection and sober thinking about what we’ve experienced.

Perspective matters when it’s based on accumulated wisdom. Accumulated wisdom only happens when we learn, grow and improve.

Parents get it. As we’re teaching our kids certain things that we learned long ago, it’s disconcerting whenever they behave as though they’ve already figured it out when we see them clearly struggling to learn it. But with youth comes a degree of insecurity manifested as arrogance.

Well, permit some clarification. Some of us who are older parents get it. 😉

Just this week I was listening to a couple of podcasts whose hosts were between 30 and 45. One told the story of being down on the beach and his 4-year-old daughter refused to come in. The family had been at the beach all day and it was time to retreat back to where they were staying. The little girl didn’t want to leave and began to pitch a wild-eyed fit. Dad picked her up and she started screaming, “You’re hurting me, you’re hurting me.” Followed by, “I hate you, I hate you.” He had to carry her about 150 yards he said with her yelling those things the entire time. During the podcast he’s lamenting, “There’s just nothing you can do.”

They get to their room and he’s trying to clean the sand off of her in the shower, but she’s continuing her rebellion. This continues, according to him, for 15 minutes while inside the bathroom. Again, he repeats, “There’s just nothing you can do. You’re stuck.”

I’m listening to this thinking, “Oh, yeah. There’s plenty you can do.” In fact, there’s so much you should do as a parent.

The other podcast a mom is talking about her daughter going ice skating for the first time. The daughter has never skated and doesn’t know how, but she’s screaming at her mom to let her go. Like the other little girl, she’s screaming how the mom is hurting her even though mom is simply attempting to hold up so she can stay on her feet. “What do you do?” asks the mom on the podcast. Her co-host, another mom, says there’s just nothing you can do. “You don’t want people to think you’re abusing your child.”

And I’m thinking, “…but you are abusing your child by not correcting them and disciplining them.” Spanking is political suicide because people stopped listening to God. We think leaving children to themselves is wise, but God sees it as a source of shame for parents. Society used to see it that way, too. But we outgrew God and His wisdom.

The Bible has a lot to say about what we owe our children in order to serve them. 

“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”  – Proverbs 29:15

So many parents have a bad day because they’re unwilling to correct and serve their children. Now both parent and child are having a bad day. That bad day grows into a bad month, a bad year and may result in a bad life. All because the child deserved to learn what’s right and what’s wrong. What’s acceptable and what isn’t. Good or great behavior versus bad or poor behavior.

Political correctness has created so many bad days for so many people. And thankfully, the tide is now beginning – just beginning – to turn.

I avoided so many bad days because my parents and other adults in my life delivered a bad moment to me. A moment when I was spanked. A moment when I was scolded. A moment when I was warned – not threatened – that if I didn’t behave differently, then I’d suffer a consequence. Thankfully, I grew up in an era when parents warned. The difference between a warning and threat is a warning will most certainly have consequences if it’s not followed. A threat is empty. There’s much less certainty that there will be a consequence.

Bad Days Are Compounded When There Is No Correction

I was a pre-schooler in a small Oklahoma town where my dad had a service station and garage on Main Street. I enjoyed the smell of new tires, oil and all the other odors associated with that business. Mostly, I enjoyed the pinball machine that was inside the showroom area. I loved hanging around the place.

A preacher was coming to town, due to arrive at the bus station some blocks away. My dad was to pick him up.

This preacher was a fixture in my life. I loved hearing him preach and tell stories sitting in our home. But I was scared to death of him because he was an old man who didn’t suffer foolishness. Any kid who was unafraid of him was an idiot. If he scolded you, you snapped to.

I’d been lying. My mother’s attempts to correct this bad behavior had evidently fallen short. Knowing this preacher was mere moments away, and knowing how fearful I was of him, my mother warned me what would happen. Scared, I ran into the men’s room of my dad’s garage and locked the door refusing to come out. No screaming. No pitching a fit. Just fear knowing that I now had to face the consequences of my lying.

“When Lynwood comes, I’m gonna tell him what you’ve been doing (lying),” she warned.

My dad went to pick up Lynwood, the old preacher I loved, but feared. Within minutes a loud knock hit the bathroom door. “Randy, it’s Lynwood, come out here right now!”

That’s all I remember. I must have blacked out. 😀

That was over 60 years ago. The lesson remains with me even though Lynwood has been dead for a number of years now. What if that wouldn’t have happened? What if my life experience didn’t include that? Would I be better because the adults in my life just endured my foolishness? I would not be a better human if the adults in my life – those who claimed to love me – would have simply said, “Well, there’s just nothing we can do about his lying.” But that’s what’s been happening for over 30 years now and it’s largely why so many more people are having bad days that turn into so much more!

Joining The “Feel Sorry For Me” Tribe

It’s an enormous tribe. Growing more by the day.

People enjoy being part of something. Acceptance is a big deal. It’s bigger when you’re younger. I know. Because I was once young, and now I’m old.

Today, I don’t much care what anybody thinks unless what they think is incorrect. I have zero respect for false accusers and I’ve had a few. Pompous, arrogant, judgment-filled, self-righteous idiots with a dishonest agenda. They exist. Worldwide.

But otherwise, I’m not working to impress anybody or be accepted by anybody or be popular among anybody. Interview anybody over the age of 60 and you’ll find fewer people who care about those things than when you interview anybody under the age of 30. This is where the woke culture has had a devastating impact. It has motivated an increasing number of people to become part of the tribe. Gallup proved the point with LGBT identification in U.S.

LGBT identification in U.S.

Now you could – and I think you’d be right – focus on the decline of morality. You could (again, you’d be right) focus on the decline in respect for God’s authority and design. All of that aside, there’s a reason it’s been promoted as “gay pride.” Young people want to be accepted. They want to be part of the approved tribe. Certainly a tribe with pride. Additionally, the push to transition the gender of little kids, while shocking, it’s fitting of the agenda. I wasn’t shocked by Gallup’s results based on generations. Nor is it shocking that DEI (diversity, equality and inclusion) is mandated in every arena – work, school, government and religious organizations. As a Christian, here’s my response. Read Romans chapter 1 or listen to today’s woke culture. I trust God and His Word. The Creator of the world holds more power and authority than anything or anybody.

Secular Person Wants Approval

From all the current sexual/gender tribes to the more innocuous “woe is me” tribes, it’s still a powerful cultural pull, especially for younger people. Acceptance and attention are powerful magnets for us. When I was growing up there were always those kids in class who disrupted school. Almost daily. The adults properly taught me that many of those kids wanted or needed attention. There was probably something to that. People chase attention in a variety of ways, some good and some bad.

Before my school experience I saw it in sickness. I noticed people who enjoyed the attention ill health got them. I was just a little kid who would later learn some of these people were sick all the time. They enjoyed having people ask, “How are you feeling today?” Without the illness, people might not ask, making them the center of attention. Then who would they be?

I’ve seen it trickle down in the past 20 years to relishing being a victim. Culture has contributed as society has shifted away from personal responsibility and accountability. It’s terrific. Nothing is my fault. I’m to blame for nothing. The Universe imposes on me. Government tells me what’s right and wrong. God disappears. My obligations to God disappear. Acceptance is my virtue. Being part of the tribe – Tribe Tolerance – is how I’m going to live because it’s the way forward. Everything else is mean, hateful and intolerant.

It’s A Lie, But What We Believe Can Become A True Delusion

Enter the word “trauma.” You hear it daily if you’re paying attention. Every injustice and unkind word is traumatic. Trauma that has so damaged me I’m now struggling and it’s urgent you – all of you – know what I’ve endured.

“It’s not my fault” should be replaced with “Now what am I going to do.”

What if we decide to forego the blame game and embrace the responsibility we have for our own life? How might that work out?

Well, it’d be empowered making us accountable for our behavior, including our responses to whatever bad (or good) things happen to us. Or…

We’d have to accept responsibility for the outcome of our life – and depending on that outcome – we might not feel great about ourselves.

That scares the snot out of people. Wait a minute, what? I have to accept responsibility for my own life? That’s not fair!

A Broken, Crippling Viewpoint

Short-term gain for long-term (even lifetime) pain. The attention feels good. People notice. They think about us. Even feel sad or sorry for us. Pat us on the back. Tell us how sorry they are we’re going through this. Suddenly, the spotlight feels good. Addicting maybe. So we come back for more. And more. And more.

Maybe never realizing that we’re weakening ourself with every encounter. Damaging our resolve. Injuring ourself more than any perceived trauma we may have endured earlier in life. Because now, we’re helpless. We’ve learned how to be helpless.

Recovery may be impossible, but it’s a low depth from which to recover. Many go so deep they can’t find their way back to the surface of personal responsibility. Back to where the air is fresh and they can breathe again.

A bad day becomes much, much more because we give it permission to grow, intensify and define us. Like a tropical storm that begins very small in the middle of the Atlantic, that sudden surge of pleasure we get from others who feel sorry for us builds. Compounds. Picks up energy along the way. Months or years later, it’s a full blown self-centered, woe-is-me hurricane with a deadly force. A force so powerful it overtakes us and destroys our willingness to deploy grit and determination to make our life better!

Don’t Let Disappointments Define You

This isn’t about minimizing bad things that happen to us, but it is about refusing to magnify them. We enlarge things when they’re beneficial. Like photos. But we can enlarge them so much they lose value. Other things are more harmful if we enlarge them. Like disappointments. Or suffering.

Where’s the benefit?

Is it in hoping others will feel badly for us?

Or hoping they’ll notice us more?

How does that help us?

Yeah, I’d like everybody to know me as the King of Disappointment. Or maybe the Queen of Suffering.

That’s hardly an admirable reputation goal.

Randy Cantrell

Please tell a friend about the podcast!

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Help Me Reach My $1,000 Goal

I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.
The scenery will make for a great backdrop. Plus, there are many places I’d like you to see.
To help, click the link (or the image below) to donate
Sweetwater Gift Certificates (use RandyCantrell [at] gmail [dot] com).
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