Free is free. That means, no cost. It’s FREE!

But FREE isn’t often worth it. In fact, in my recent experience FREE is worthless. Perhaps it’s because “you get what you pay for.” Nothing gets you nothing.

The Internet is full of freebies. My inbox is deluged with free offers. Free webinars and free ebooks abound. I’m overwhelmed with them. Few of them offer anything worthy of my time.  There’s the rub - my time, which is NOT free!

Marketing geniuses are among the worst offenders. I suppose that means these free offers work because companies like Peppers and Rogers (I enjoy their books and have benefited from some of their free offerings) continue to do it. On average, I get an email from Peppers and Rogers every other day. Each one offers a free webinar or whitepaper. Each time you must complete all the contact information. It doesn’t matter that you gave them the same information two days earlier. Do it again. Sometimes, I bail out deciding that this free whitepaper isn’t worth the time required to give them my vital data, AGAIN. I enjoy the Peppers and Rogers publication 1 to 1, but their emails whip me.

You’d think these guys would know better. They’re smart people. They’re sought after experts in the field of one-to-one marketing. I know I could opt out, but I really don’t want to opt out entirely. I just want them to offer me something worthwhile and stop offering me free stuff ALL THE TIME.

They’re not the only ones doing it. They’re just the most ironic ones on my list. The webinars are worthless. Some titles have captivated me, but they’re simply glorified pitches for other services by partnering companies. If you read and keep up with current business practices (as I do), you’ll not learn anything new by wasting an hour of your time listening in on a free webinar. I defy anybody to prove to me that a free webinar provided any value whatsoever. If you’ve experienced one, please tell me about it. It’s an hour you’ll never get back. If you earn $10 an hour, that free webinar was expensive - costing you ten bucks. Give me 10 bucks and I’ll find something free to give you. Just PayPal it to me.

Free will always cost you time. No matter what. And sometimes it’s worth it, but not often. Some years ago my wife and I spent a few days at a rural resort. Upon our arrival I was offered a substantial discount if I’d be willing to invest two hours to hear their time-sharing sales pitch. It was a rather new resort and part of the pitch included a tour of the place (something I was interested in doing anyway). The discount was $150 (about half off the price of a single night). I thought it was worth it. And it was. It was also something free that gave me value. In addition, my expectations were clearly established. I knew there would be a sales pitch. I was prepared for that and had no trouble spurning the offer. I also knew I’d be given a $150 discount (a coupon given to me upon completion of my time spent hearing the pitch). No problem. Value. Expectation. Both made free worthwhile.

That’s so rare these days. Deception is behind almost all freebies. It’s free because it’s worthless and your expectation won’t be met. It’s free because it’s designed to pull you in and sell you something that has a higher cost (and greater return to the company/person making the offer).

The way to capitalize in this age of sound and click clutter is to be unique. Be different. If you’re marketing anything, stop blitzing people with free offers. Stop playing the numbers game thinking if you aim the shotgun at the most people and pull the trigger that a bigger number of us will drop to our knees for your stuff. Rather, give us something of value - something we can’t get anywhere else* - and don’t disappoint us. Rather, shock us by giving us more than we expect. Do that and we’ll be blown away because NOBODY is doing that.

* I read lots of books. Peppers and Rogers are perfect examples. You know why I logged onto their website year’s ago? Because I’d read their books - and continued to read the new books they publish. I own every book they’ve ever written. You know what you get in the webinars? Hi-lights of what they’re written. I realize many people - maybe most people - haven’t read their books. But I have. That makes me a good customer. I’m a buying customer already. They give me NO VALUE because I already know the material they give away for free. I bought the books and invested the time to read them. So, I’m insulted and annoyed.

“The eyes are the groin of the head.”

Sidney Poitier is now 81. Hard to believe. He has great grandchildren, which is what prompted him to write a book in the form of letters. The book is entitled, “Life Beyond Measure, Letters to My Great-Granddaughter.” The book is Poitier’s way of passing on his wisdom to the upcoming generation because he realizes, “The time between us is short.”

Aging does that to people. Forces us to think of the time we have remaining. It makes us think of the youngsters in our family who will grow well into adulthood without us.

I suspect younger people don’t understand - nor should they - the need older people may have to pass on the wisdom they’ve acquired. Reflection is a by-product of aging. The time between us and those who are substantially younger is very short.

Time isn’t so precious when you’re young. The older you grow the more valuable it becomes. And I suspect there is an age, perhaps brought about by health conditions, at which time stands still - and you’re just ready to call it a life.

Death isn’t the only barometer of the time between us. Accomplishments and many other things can also gauge the time between us. Chief among such may be wisdom.

Randy Pausch, famous performer of “The Last Lecture,” died today. He was 47. We all knew, including him, that death was inevitable - and coming sooner than later. The time between him and his children becoming adults was simply too great for him. Go here for Randy’s diary.

Sadness enters the room for millions of people who viewed his last lecture on YouTube, read his subsequent book and saw him on Oprah. He seemed like such a good guy.

Death respects no one. Good or bad. We all die. Death closes the gap of the time between all of us. Hold a good thought for his family and so many other families who suffer the losses created by death.

Equally, if not more important, consider the time between you and those you love…between you and what you hope to accomplish. Get on with it. Time is short. The time between us is extremely short, meaning the time we have together isn’t long. Soon our loved ones will be out of reach.

The time between who we are and who we hope to be is short, too. Who we hope to become might escape us. Unrealized potential often results when time runs out. Few of us fully realize our dreams, ambitions or potential.

Grab it while you can. Do it while you can. Say it while you can.

That’s a dung beetle pushing a ball of dung. Business people do this job every day! Because business people often peddle dung, it only makes sense that they speak the Language of Dung. Businessmen aren’t the only ones who speak the language of Dung. Politicians are gifted in the language, too. I’m not terribly interested in politics though. I’m much more interested in business. Business and politics both are free flowing when it comes to dung.

The Language of Dung is different than the Language of Expertism. They’re very closely related though. Read a business book by a member of academia and you’ll understand the subtle, but significant difference. The “I’m the expert so you mere mortals can’t possibly grasp the depth of my intellect” is rampant in the business world. Words you’ve never heard or seen are often used by such gurus. I’ve read thousands of business books in my life and I confess that I’d read entire chapters before without understanding the point. That’s Expertism. But Dung is Dung, not Expertism.

Quality questions can put people on the spot. They can clarify, or confuse. They can provide a businessperson the opportunity to speak the truth - or dung.

Dung is the language of ignorance. It’s the “I-don’t-know” answer. It’s the grown up version of the essay question we all remember from our junior high history class. Just drone on and on with the few facts you do know, and couple those with lots of verbiage in hopes the teacher won’t take the time to read it carefully and call, “Bull $#@!” on you.

A job applicant asks the interviewer, “What is your company’s compelling reason? Why should customers choose you over a competitor?”

The answer comes forth. It will either be truth - a very valid compelling reason that makes sense - OR - it will be dung. “Our people make the difference.” My dung-meter is pegged!

A potential investor seeks answers about a company’s poor annual report. He reads the report and the letter written by the CEO. The CEO either takes responsibility and lays out his plans to fix the problems, or he more likely takes up the language of Dung and paints all the problems in rose colored hue.

A customer experiences a problem. They ask for a solution. They’re either told how their problem is going to be addressed, or more likely Dung is spoken and they’re told why their problem can’t be fixed.

Why do businessmen speak bull$*@!?

Pure and simple. Because they don’t have a real answer. So they make something up hoping somebody will believe they’re really telling the truth. Or, they do it to impress. To make people believe they’re highly intellectual.

It’s a ridiculous habit. But wouldn’t we all just fall over dead if we heard the plain spoken truth - all the time?

This man would never survive in the business world. He’s much too forthcoming.

Headline: NASCAR Squeezes Horsepower Down On Toyota Motors

My neck isn’t red. I don’t drink beer. I don’t have a Confederate flag flying at my house. I don’t have any tattoos. I don’t use tobacco. I have all my teeth. I don’t wear wife-beater T’s. Well, you get my drift.

I do watch NASCAR. I’ve never been to a live race, but I do often watch it on TV. I find the telecast of NASCAR intriguing. The sport is a fantastic marketing machine. No sport televises as well. Not even close.

I’m up-to-date enough to know that Toyota has been on a roll this season winning 14 of 21 races. I know the Chevy teams have been complaining that they want the “new” engine so they can be competitive. I don’t profess to understand why Chevy didn’t give it to them. But I really don’t understand NASCAR’s latest move to ratchet down the horsepower of the Toyotas.

In a game where pushing to be your best and do your best seems the goal - it seems odd to penalize a team (any team) for performing better than the others! Rather than have the other (non-Toyota) teams dig it out and elevate their game to compete, NASCAR decided to put a harness on the Toyota teams so the poorer performing teams would have a fighting chance.

It’d be like the NFL taking draft picks away from the top 4 teams in each conference so the other teams could better compete. I don’t get it. But then again, I don’t have an eagle on the hood of my Trans Am.

Truth in advertising. Honesty. When it’s easy, it’s quite easy. When it’s hard, well - that’s when people lie.

If you visit classmates.com you’ll find the following Story Wizard designed to help you write “your story.” I wonder what percentage of people answer these questions at all. And I wonder how many answer them truthfully like I did. I fear I’ve revealed way too much, but I cannot tell a lie. Here are my answers:

1. How do you hope old friends remember you?

Answer: As being much younger and more popular.

2. I always wanted to be a (blank) when I grew up. My family and friends though that was a (blank) idea. As it turns out, they were (blank).

Answer: cartoonist/writer (in first blank) / ridiculous (second blank) / idiots (third blank)

3. How do you blow off steam? Describe your favorite way to relax.

Answer: sex / ditto

4. What’s the wildest thing you ever did in school?

Answer: show up

5. If I’m going to work somewhere, I need to have (blank), and (blank) and (blank) to be able to deal with the day-to-day.

Answer: Dr. Pepper, snacks and wireless hi-speed Internet

6. Do you have a hero? Talk about where your inspiration comes from.

Answer: Wonder Woman / (I’m not sure what one has to do with the other really?) I’m mostly uninspired

7. Where have you lived? Why did you move?

Answer: Classmates only allows 20,000 characters to supply ALL the answers. I omitted this question due to insufficient space to provide the answer.

8. The one person from my past who I’d most like to see again is (blank / blank), because (blank).

Answer: the guy in junior high to racked me (I don’t know his name) / so I could knock his nads up into his throat

9. Sports. Reality TV. Pets. Share your obsessions.

Answer: sex

10. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you expect. What’s been your biggest surprise?

Answer: Everything in life shocks me. I’m in a constant state of amazement.

11. If I could improve my home, I’d remodel (blank) and add on a (blank). My dream home would be (blank).

Answers: almost every room (first blank) / bowling alley (second blank) / paid for (last blank)

12. Parent? Share what you’ve learned from your kids.

Answer: Yes, I have one. Yes, I am one. That I’m an idiot and they’re not. I never figured out how parents who are morons can birth geniuses.

13. Which teacher would you love to see again? Why?

Answer: A 4th grade teacher I shall not name because if something bad has happened to her I don’t want the cops to visit me. Because I’d like to berate her like she berated us. An awful teacher!

14. If I won $100 million, I’d give (blank) of it to (blank), then spend the rest on (blank) and (blank).

Answer: $15 million to establish a foundation (invested so the passive income could continually donate to good causes) / spending wouldn’t likely be what I’d do; rather, I’d invest and architect a life of service (and writing)

15. Ever live in a dorm? Join the Greek system? Talk about campus life.

Answer: I only visited dorms, which is why I never lived in one.

16. To be truly happy, you would be where, doing what, with whom?

Answer: Happiness is highly overrated. I stopped looking for it decades ago. Happiness hides too well.

17. My current age is (blank). When I was 12, I thought that people my age now would be (blank). I was so completely (blank).

Answer: undisclosed (first blank) / dead (second blank) / stupid (third blank)

18. Working hard? Reveal your career aspirations.

Answer: yes / no ambitions or aspirations

19. What happened to your first crush?

Answer: It worked. I was crushed.

20. My best friend would tell you I’m (blank), but people who don’t know me very well would probably describe me as (blank).

Answer: entertaining (first blank) / entertaining (second blank)

21. Still dress like you did 10 (or 20) years ago? Talk style.

Answer: I still dress like I did when I was a toddler, but now I wear dark socks. I’ll talk style when you talk money.

22. What’s the weirdest job you ever had?

Answer: All my jobs have been weird.

23. I share my home with (blank), which I find (blank).

Answer: dogs (first blank) / gassy (second blank)

24. Got trophies on your mantel? Share a big victory.

Answer: World’s Best Lover / winning my wife was my biggest victory (it was her worst defeat)

25. You get one do-over. What do you do differently?

Answer: One do-over profits me nothing. I need many, many more.

26. In 10 years, I hope to be (blank). I’m going to get there by (blank).

Answer: alive (first blank) / living (second blank)

27. Talk about your oldest friend? How you met and why you clicked.

Answer: he’s 93 / I knew his parents, we clicked because I laughed at how he whistled his S’s

28. What about you would surprise everyone at your high school reunion?

Answer: My tremendous wealth and stunning good looks. Those attributes would slightly overshadow my quick wit.

29. My first job was at (blank), where I got paid (blank) to (blank). What I remember most about it is (blank).

Answer: a blacksmith shop / 5 cents a day / shoe horses and fix wagon wheels / the heat

30. Share a childhood memory you’ll never forget

Answer: Apprenticing at a blacksmith shop

I’m in a funk. Been in a funk for awhile now. No, I’m not depressed - at least not in the medical sense. Just a funk. You’ve been there before. Maybe you’re in a funk right now, too. It happens. Funk hits. Sometimes a grand funk hits. My current funk is quite grand.

Loneliness is my primary funk.

I’m not unhappy. But I’m not happy either.

I’m not miserable. But I’m not not miserable either.

That’s the funk. That in between state where you’re not good, or bad. A funk leans more toward bad for sure. It can be a passing funk that just sweeps over you, then blows away. Or, like my current funk, it can hit you in the head with the full force of a category 5 hurricane. The sun doesn’t shine. The clouds don’t part. Darkness, even despair, looms large and stretches across the horizons of your life. The temptation is to embrace it. Resist. It’s not healthy to embrace funk.

I’ve been resisting - or trying to resist - for about a month now. It’s not getting easier. It’s just plain tiring. So today, I’m weary.

Weary of ridiculous people with petty gripes. Weary of power hungry people who insist on having their way about everything. Weary of being the slave to the passions, delights and desires of others. Weary of not chasing my own passions. Just plain weary.

I’m weary of loneliness created by the busyness that is life. We’re all so busy checking email, surfing the net, doing stuff - that connectivity often goes missing. This cycle has been in place in my life for about a month now. It’s exhausting to be lonely. Come to think of it, it does make me unhappy.

Funk happens.

And it shall pass. I hope sooner than later.

Funk is like Texas weather - difficult to predict. You just have to wait long enough for it to change.

I wrote this post in April 2007. And today the song enters my mind again.

Death. Cartoons. Music. Sports. Organization. Procrastination. Books. Writing. Wisdom has many faces. And contradictions.

A preoccupation with death - something I admit I have at the moment due to the death of a friend (but it’s on my mind quite often these days for some reason) - an urge to declutter - laughing at Ballard Street - listening to the latest Big Head Todd and the Monsters CD - reading the recent issue of Fast Company - they all help slope me (I think) toward slightly greater wisdom.

It’s an odd mix for sure. Life and death. Fun and sadness. Laughter and crying. Friends and solitude. Working out and pigging out. All of us live contradictions because that’s how life goes. Sameness would likely drive us all nuts. The ebb and flow of daily life is unpredictable, stressful and what makes us alive!

Those contradictions of wisdom are what shape us I suppose. We’re the sum total of all the influences on us. Some are good. Some are not. The blob that becomes who we are is in constant motion and change. I suppose it hardens at some point, but I’ve not yet discovered when that is. Some areas of my life seem quite hardened, resistant to the slightest alteration. Others seem barely formed at all. Yet another contradiction.

Today, I embrace the oddity that is my life. A melancholy weekend has just ended. And the feelings still linger - something that won’t likely lift until later this week after a funeral has been attended and thoughts of death are pushed slightly to one side.

But one embrace makes the contradictions of life disappear. The arms of my wife are magical like that. Things seem to make sense when I’m in her embrace. And nothing else seems to do the trick. Like King Saul who needed David’s musical skills to soothe his craziness, I seem to need the embrace of my wife to make my demons subside. I am at ease in the arms of a woman.