Entries Tagged 'Wisdom' ↓

Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely. That’s according to Wikipedia.

Seth Godin’s book, The Dip, speaks of continuing on through whatever happens until you can reach the shore of success. The problem is we don’t often know the distance of the dip. We just know we can turn back, drown or keep going. Success is only found if we keep going. Godin points out that many people quit too soon.

The Dip can represent any number of hurdles we must endure or overcome. It also represents the opportunity to succeed. There’s no getting from here to there unless we go through some sort of dip. Some dips are serendipitous.

One of the most famous stories of serendipity is the invention of 3M Post-It-Notes. The Idea Finder records a summary of that event.

Everyone knows what Post-it®  notes are: They are those great little self-stick notepapers. Most people have Post-it®  Notes. Most people use them.  Most people love them. But Post-it®  Notes were not a planned product.

No one got the idea and then stayed up nights to invent it. A man named Spencer Silver was working in the 3M research laboratories in 1970 trying to find a strong adhesive. Silver developed a new adhesive, but it was even weaker than what 3M already manufactured. It stuck to objects, but could easily be lifted off. It was super weak instead of super strong.

No one knew what to do with the stuff, but Silver didn’t discard it. Then one Sunday four years later, another 3M scientist named Arthur Fry was singing in the church’s choir. He used markers to keep his place in the hymnal, but they kept falling out of the book. Remembering Silver’s adhesive, Fry used some to coat his markers. Success! With the weak adhesive, the markers stayed in place, yet lifted off without damaging the pages.

3M began distributing Post-it ® Notes nationwide in 1980 — ten years after Silver developed the super weak adhesive. Today they are one of the most popular office products available.

Few of us experience that level of serendipity. Most of us likely experience it as we’re attempting to do something more mundane than invent a new super-strong glue.

I don’t care about politics. Sometimes I’m an interested observer, but that’s as far it goes. Barack Obama’s story - one I’m only slightly familiar with - isn’t so much a story of serendipity as it is opportunity. Given the opportunity to keynote the 2004 Democratic Convention - I’d like to hear how that selection was made by the Committee - Obama stood and delivered a compelling speech. That moment thrust him into the national spotlight. That opportunity was the moment of truth for him as a politician. It was serendipitous because he was stumping for Kerry/Edwards. But I suspect he knew the opportunity he was being given to propel himself forward as a leader of the Democratic party. I suspect the big wig Democratic party leaders knew it, too. No matter what brought it about, Obama had to take action and perform. So he did.

I recent radio interview with Jazzy Jeff of Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince fame revealed that he and Will Smith, as young guys, were talking, dreaming and planning where they’d be - eventually. For more than 25 years they’ve been good friends. Buddies. Will Smith wanted to act. Jazzy wanted to play and be involved in music. According to Jazzy, when they get together even now they talk about how they’re both doing the things they dreamed of when they were just teenagers. I’m sure there is some serendipity in there somewhere, but the fact is - like Obama, they did something. They performed.

The documenty of Tom Petty’s career, Runnin’ Down A Dream, has been discussed here and elsewhere. Like other stories of success, Tom Petty and his bandmates did something. They performed.

Serendipity is a wonderful thing if it happens to you. It breeds envy and jealousy if it doesn’t. The people full of envy and jealousy are guilty of doing nothing. Like many people who hate to see others achieve greatness, the envious and jealous cry the same lamentation, “Look at how lucky that guy is!” And they believe it.

Time and chance are part of life. The scriptures point that out.

Eccl. 9:11 “I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.”

What are we doing with our time and our chances? That’s really the point. I watched last night as Barack Obama walked onto the stage of the Convention a very different man than the one who walked out 4 years ago. Different in the sense of importance. Different in the sense of being a marquee player in the party - if not the nation. Or the world. Maybe some time and chance did happen for him. But he knew what to do with it when it happened.

I often wonder what chances we miss only because of our inability to see them. And I know we all miss chances because we do nothing! Dreamers hope and wait. Performers dream, plan and act.

Serendipity only happens when there is action and movement. Spencer Silver and Arthur Fry were both doing something when the Post-It-Note was born. They weren’t just sitting a room staring out a window hoping success would bowl them over. They were working, searching and trying. In that working, searching and trying they found something that worked. It wasn’t what Silver was looking for, but it was exactly what Fry was looking for. Silver is brilliant only because Fry was remembering. Fry was remembering only because Silver had invented.

I suspect that if we want to increase our ability to experience serendipity - or more serendipity - then we should take more action. We should do more. We should engage more. We should try more things. We should work on our performances. There are various components to serendipity, but until we begin to take action I figure none of them matter much. So, first things first.

If you want to paint, then start painting. If you already paint, paint more often.

If you want to sing, then start singing. If you already sing, sing more often.

Great singers are discovered by others who see and watch them sing. We’re all judged successful (or not) based on what others see us do, not on what others suppose we can do. Bob Bowman is the swimming coach for Michael Phelps. He didn’t take one look at Michael and see a future record-setting Olympian. He watched him swim. He coached him and watched him respond to coaching. By the time he was 11 Bob Bowman had seen enough to know Phelps had potential. All because he had seen the kid swim, not because he sat by the side of pool looking like a swimmer.

I often envy the person who knew - or thought they did - at an early age what they wanted to do. Who they wanted to become. Most of us lumber through life with little clue. We stumble into careers and relationships. Some of us plan better than others. Some execute those plans more effectively. Others have no plan. Getting an early start is more critical in some areas - Phelps needed to start when he was very young. Had he started a few years later, it’s likely none of us would know his name. Early actions are often rewarded with favorable outcomes. If you want to be world-class, start when you’re very young. That speed will help give you the head start you need.

The window of greatest opportunity doesn’t stay open very long. Oddly enough, only the people who are so engaged in the pursuit of something see them. Those who sit idly by hoping, wishing and dreaming don’t often recognize great chances. You’d think they would, but it seems their focus blinds them to the possibilities. Maybe their lack of mobility and their stillness hinders their vision. While the person engaged and doing something is more aware of what’s happening and better able to see subtle shifts that may give them an opportunity.

You need fast and clear vision to jump on serendipity - or any chance. Our ability to see it and adjust our actions has to be faster than the opening. It’s a simple scientific truth. If you’re going to go through an open window, you must do it before that window closes. The speed of the closing window determines the speed you need to go through it before it closes.

Every coach, in every sport has exhorted their team to pursue victory with the strongest desire. We’re often made to believe that all things are equal - and that the difference between losing and winning is sheer will. The desire to win. How badly we want it.

During the 2008 Olympics we’ve heard winner after winner extol the virtues of “putting your mind to it” and “you can do whatever you want if you want it bad enough.” Michael Phelps said so. But so have many other winners - even bronze medalists!

Is that really true? Of course not. It’s a great sound bite, but it’s an enormous lie that deceives kids and adults alike.

As a younger person I competed in sports. I worked hard and put my mind to some ventures that just didn’t turn out. I recall track, for instance. Speed is not my middle name. Quickness, yes. But the only 100 yard dashes (that’s what they were back in the Dark Age) I’ve won were against fat, lumbering slowpokes. No amount of willing it so was going to make me Speedy Gonzales. In the battle between genetics and desire, genetics wins every time.

I’ve done my share of coaching. I’ve coached extremely talented teams. I’ve coached teams that had no clue. They all wanted to win and experience success. For some, a reasonable expectation. For others, not so reasonable. Desire does not victory insure.

I do understand the sentiment of desire. If a person has insufficient desire to excel, then it’s not likely they will excel. Superb performances rarely just happen. They’re normally desired outcomes brought about by lots of hard work. We all get that.

Not all that long ago the Stanford football team defeated the mighty Trojans of USC. No comparison in talent. No comparison in game experience. No comparison in the accomplishments of the competing coaching staffs. USC was better in every category. Stanford wanted it more. Really?

For starters, proving how badly somebody wants something relative to somebody else is awfully hard to measure. Check that - it’s impossible. Proving how hard and well somebody prepares is measurable. And maybe therein lies the real value of desire. If you want it badly enough - you’ll pay the price to put yourself in the best position possible for success. But that still may not insure success.

Sometimes talent beats preparation and desire. Sometimes it doesn’t. Stanford wasn’t as talented as USC, but they still won. Preparation and desire (and momentum) defeated superior talent in that game. Like all competitions, the loser never performs as well as the winners. Skill matters, but only if it results in superior performance.

The most stellar performances take place when talent, preparation and strong desire all converge. Think Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods. Superior talent driven to excel and be the best is tough to beat.

No matter what your talent, your performances can be improved by adding a larger dose of determination. And I suppose that’s the real issue: how good can YOU be? By embracing a strong determination you’ll likely prepare better. And improve your odds of winning. Maybe the challenge is to avoid comparing yourself with those more talented, but far less determination. Sometimes, they win. And it doesn’t seem fair. Who cares?

Your best should be your barometer.

Prov. 27:17 “Iron sharpeneth iron; So a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

These apply to me and are listed in no particular order.
What’s your excuse?

1. Extremely hot weather

2. A filthy car

3. Clutter

4. Other jackasses

5. Lack of sleep

6. Pain

7. Traffic

8. Computer problems

9. Email

10. Poor customer service

11. A flat tire / car trouble

12. Over-talking radio announcers

13. Displays of arrogance

14. Extremely cold weather

15. Bosses that don’t “get it”

16. Employees that don’t “get it”

17. John Denver music / and many others

18. Unpleasant surprises

19. Politics / local, regional, national or personal

20. Morons (a special species of Jackasses)

21. Ungrateful/unappreciative behavior

*AND SO MUCH MORE

For the past 6 years or more I’ve sat in on a variety of conferences and seminars where one topic seems to rise to the top - “how do we take full advantage of the Internet?”

For starters, I’d like to see how many businesses take full advantage of anything. Few of us are efficient enough to do that. Fewer still even know what advantage they’ve got in the first place.

The Internet has been seen by too many traditional businesses (i.e. brick and mortar) as a panacea. Whatever ails us can surely be fixed somehow by the Internet, can’t it? I know, let’s create an email newsletter. No, wait a minute, we’ll produce an ebook. Could we build a shopping cart and sell our stuff online? On and on it goes with mindless dialogue of people seeking fast answers for complex problems.

For many years Seth Godin and others have been preaching a reverse strategy that is contrary to conventional wisdom. Conventional wisdom is build a good business, then incorporate technology, including the Internet. New wisdom is build a business that centers on new technology and social trends. In other words, consider Facebook and the Internet when you architect your business model.

But there is yet an even newer business model, which isn’t really a model at all. I’m not sure what you’d call it. It’s a process, a philosophy and a rough sketch. It baffles traditionalists. Amazon made no sense to most people. For years Amazon lost money. Yet it was valued at ridiculous numbers. Few understood the phenomenon. But other sites began to do the same thing - build traffic. Build traffic, then figure out how to make money later. Such thinking turned the world upside down. Wall Street didn’t understand. Hardly anybody understood. It was counter-intuitive to everything we knew to be true in the world of business.

Today, there are thousands, perhaps millions, of start ups that are trying to climb the mountain of bassackwards business. They’re trying to build web traffic. SEO (search engine optimization), Google Analytics and other technologies are part of the process. Content isn’t always king. Sometimes things just catch fire thanks to a YouTube video, or a high-profile blogger writing about something or somebody - and the next thing you know, it’s red hot!

Things can happen fast on the Net, or not at all. Aaron Wall started learning SEO in 2003. He became one of the top SEO experts earning well over $500 an hour. He wrote a critically acclaimed, and highly usable ebook, SEO Book. He launched his website and things rolled along nicely. But recently he’s abandoned the ebook business model. It wasn’t a model he was in love with. He just went that route because he knew the world of SEO changed so fast that no printed book could possibly keep up. The ebook technology solved that problem. But now he’s migrated away from the ebook to a subscriber-based website. He also migrated to Drupal, a content management system that is more elaborate and allows him to better manage a subscriber-based site where most of the content is premium (or paid for).

Wall is typical of the genius required to change and adapt. He hasn’t attempted to squeeze his services into a preordained model. Rather, he’s allowed the technology advances to dictate how he’s able to best serve a customer base that suits him. The ebook got him many fans, and readers. But many, like me, were amateur SEO folks. I bought the book, but I’d be lying if I told you I use it regularly. I’d be lying if I told you I read it all the way through. It’s an extensive volume. But there are others who are actively involved in SEO. They need dedicated help that no ebook can provide. They’re willing to pay more than a one-time charge of $79 for an ebook. So Wall now has a service for these people. $100 monthly. No contracts. Cancel at any time. It’s a month-by-month service. Many people who need SEO right now can subscribe. Then as their needs, or interests change, they can unsubscribe if they like. Wall will be able to extract the more serious SEO clients from the merely curious. His services will likely be more precise and efficient. And his clients will be paying a premium (and likely well worth it). Wall delivers value.

Wall is just a single example of the bassackwards business model where the business doesn’t dictate the need to squeeze in some use of technology. Rather, the technology allows a complete change in the delivery of the service, the business.

Today it would not be unwise to consider how to best reach prospective customers with technology and construct your business accordingly. It’s all about delivery. It’s about access. It’s about traffic. It’s about management of all those things. Traditionally business has been interested with these things, but we’ve had to limit such ideas to the physical realm, not the virtual realm. So, it’s high time for most businesses to turn themselves upside down, inside out and examine their approach. It’s not time to hammer a square peg into a round hole. Is it ever?

The Internet is not a quick fix. It’s not a magic bullet that will solve every sales or revenue problem facing businesses. You must do more than build a website. It is not true, if you build it they will come. They won’t. Getting traffic is extremely difficult. But if you find a way to get them to your site, then you must give them some compelling reason to stay, and you must provide something valuable for them (either free or fee-based, or both).

Proof of how hard all this really is are the abandoned sites that litter the Net. Digital space is full of derelict sites that haven’t been updated in years. People and companies thought it would work better than it did. They thought it would happen faster than it did. They found it harder than it first seemed. So they just stopped. Some presumably searching for the next magic pill that would fix their problems.

I often wonder why some companies are paying for hosting on a site that hasn’t been updated since 2004. What are they thinking? No web presence is better than a derelict presence. Like any business activity, web-based activities require smart thinking and hard work. Just because it looks easy doesn’t mean that it is.

Reverse your thinking. Stop thinking about your widgets and think about your customers. How can you better reach them? How can they find you? What can you deliver to them? How can you best serve them?

Wait a minute! This isn’t really bassackwards at all. Isn’t this how it should have been all along? Putting customers or prospective customers first - then figuring out a way to better reach them, and serve them?

Free is free. That means, no cost. It’s FREE!

But FREE isn’t often worth it. In fact, in my recent experience FREE is worthless. Perhaps it’s because “you get what you pay for.” Nothing gets you nothing.

The Internet is full of freebies. My inbox is deluged with free offers. Free webinars and free ebooks abound. I’m overwhelmed with them. Few of them offer anything worthy of my time.  There’s the rub - my time, which is NOT free!

Marketing geniuses are among the worst offenders. I suppose that means these free offers work because companies like Peppers and Rogers (I enjoy their books and have benefited from some of their free offerings) continue to do it. On average, I get an email from Peppers and Rogers every other day. Each one offers a free webinar or whitepaper. Each time you must complete all the contact information. It doesn’t matter that you gave them the same information two days earlier. Do it again. Sometimes, I bail out deciding that this free whitepaper isn’t worth the time required to give them my vital data, AGAIN. I enjoy the Peppers and Rogers publication 1 to 1, but their emails whip me.

You’d think these guys would know better. They’re smart people. They’re sought after experts in the field of one-to-one marketing. I know I could opt out, but I really don’t want to opt out entirely. I just want them to offer me something worthwhile and stop offering me free stuff ALL THE TIME.

They’re not the only ones doing it. They’re just the most ironic ones on my list. The webinars are worthless. Some titles have captivated me, but they’re simply glorified pitches for other services by partnering companies. If you read and keep up with current business practices (as I do), you’ll not learn anything new by wasting an hour of your time listening in on a free webinar. I defy anybody to prove to me that a free webinar provided any value whatsoever. If you’ve experienced one, please tell me about it. It’s an hour you’ll never get back. If you earn $10 an hour, that free webinar was expensive - costing you ten bucks. Give me 10 bucks and I’ll find something free to give you. Just PayPal it to me.

Free will always cost you time. No matter what. And sometimes it’s worth it, but not often. Some years ago my wife and I spent a few days at a rural resort. Upon our arrival I was offered a substantial discount if I’d be willing to invest two hours to hear their time-sharing sales pitch. It was a rather new resort and part of the pitch included a tour of the place (something I was interested in doing anyway). The discount was $150 (about half off the price of a single night). I thought it was worth it. And it was. It was also something free that gave me value. In addition, my expectations were clearly established. I knew there would be a sales pitch. I was prepared for that and had no trouble spurning the offer. I also knew I’d be given a $150 discount (a coupon given to me upon completion of my time spent hearing the pitch). No problem. Value. Expectation. Both made free worthwhile.

That’s so rare these days. Deception is behind almost all freebies. It’s free because it’s worthless and your expectation won’t be met. It’s free because it’s designed to pull you in and sell you something that has a higher cost (and greater return to the company/person making the offer).

The way to capitalize in this age of sound and click clutter is to be unique. Be different. If you’re marketing anything, stop blitzing people with free offers. Stop playing the numbers game thinking if you aim the shotgun at the most people and pull the trigger that a bigger number of us will drop to our knees for your stuff. Rather, give us something of value - something we can’t get anywhere else* - and don’t disappoint us. Rather, shock us by giving us more than we expect. Do that and we’ll be blown away because NOBODY is doing that.

* I read lots of books. Peppers and Rogers are perfect examples. You know why I logged onto their website year’s ago? Because I’d read their books - and continued to read the new books they publish. I own every book they’ve ever written. You know what you get in the webinars? Hi-lights of what they’re written. I realize many people - maybe most people - haven’t read their books. But I have. That makes me a good customer. I’m a buying customer already. They give me NO VALUE because I already know the material they give away for free. I bought the books and invested the time to read them. So, I’m insulted and annoyed.

Sidney Poitier is now 81. Hard to believe. He has great grandchildren, which is what prompted him to write a book in the form of letters. The book is entitled, “Life Beyond Measure, Letters to My Great-Granddaughter.” The book is Poitier’s way of passing on his wisdom to the upcoming generation because he realizes, “The time between us is short.”

Aging does that to people. Forces us to think of the time we have remaining. It makes us think of the youngsters in our family who will grow well into adulthood without us.

I suspect younger people don’t understand - nor should they - the need older people may have to pass on the wisdom they’ve acquired. Reflection is a by-product of aging. The time between us and those who are substantially younger is very short.

Time isn’t so precious when you’re young. The older you grow the more valuable it becomes. And I suspect there is an age, perhaps brought about by health conditions, at which time stands still - and you’re just ready to call it a life.

Death isn’t the only barometer of the time between us. Accomplishments and many other things can also gauge the time between us. Chief among such may be wisdom.

Randy Pausch, famous performer of “The Last Lecture,” died today. He was 47. We all knew, including him, that death was inevitable - and coming sooner than later. The time between him and his children becoming adults was simply too great for him. Go here for Randy’s diary.

Sadness enters the room for millions of people who viewed his last lecture on YouTube, read his subsequent book and saw him on Oprah. He seemed like such a good guy.

Death respects no one. Good or bad. We all die. Death closes the gap of the time between all of us. Hold a good thought for his family and so many other families who suffer the losses created by death.

Equally, if not more important, consider the time between you and those you love…between you and what you hope to accomplish. Get on with it. Time is short. The time between us is extremely short, meaning the time we have together isn’t long. Soon our loved ones will be out of reach.

The time between who we are and who we hope to be is short, too. Who we hope to become might escape us. Unrealized potential often results when time runs out. Few of us fully realize our dreams, ambitions or potential.

Grab it while you can. Do it while you can. Say it while you can.

That’s a dung beetle pushing a ball of dung. Business people do this job every day! Because business people often peddle dung, it only makes sense that they speak the Language of Dung. Businessmen aren’t the only ones who speak the language of Dung. Politicians are gifted in the language, too. I’m not terribly interested in politics though. I’m much more interested in business. Business and politics both are free flowing when it comes to dung.

The Language of Dung is different than the Language of Expertism. They’re very closely related though. Read a business book by a member of academia and you’ll understand the subtle, but significant difference. The “I’m the expert so you mere mortals can’t possibly grasp the depth of my intellect” is rampant in the business world. Words you’ve never heard or seen are often used by such gurus. I’ve read thousands of business books in my life and I confess that I’d read entire chapters before without understanding the point. That’s Expertism. But Dung is Dung, not Expertism.

Quality questions can put people on the spot. They can clarify, or confuse. They can provide a businessperson the opportunity to speak the truth - or dung.

Dung is the language of ignorance. It’s the “I-don’t-know” answer. It’s the grown up version of the essay question we all remember from our junior high history class. Just drone on and on with the few facts you do know, and couple those with lots of verbiage in hopes the teacher won’t take the time to read it carefully and call, “Bull $#@!” on you.

A job applicant asks the interviewer, “What is your company’s compelling reason? Why should customers choose you over a competitor?”

The answer comes forth. It will either be truth - a very valid compelling reason that makes sense - OR - it will be dung. “Our people make the difference.” My dung-meter is pegged!

A potential investor seeks answers about a company’s poor annual report. He reads the report and the letter written by the CEO. The CEO either takes responsibility and lays out his plans to fix the problems, or he more likely takes up the language of Dung and paints all the problems in rose colored hue.

A customer experiences a problem. They ask for a solution. They’re either told how their problem is going to be addressed, or more likely Dung is spoken and they’re told why their problem can’t be fixed.

Why do businessmen speak bull$*@!?

Pure and simple. Because they don’t have a real answer. So they make something up hoping somebody will believe they’re really telling the truth. Or, they do it to impress. To make people believe they’re highly intellectual.

It’s a ridiculous habit. But wouldn’t we all just fall over dead if we heard the plain spoken truth - all the time?

This man would never survive in the business world. He’s much too forthcoming.

Headline: NASCAR Squeezes Horsepower Down On Toyota Motors

My neck isn’t red. I don’t drink beer. I don’t have a Confederate flag flying at my house. I don’t have any tattoos. I don’t use tobacco. I have all my teeth. I don’t wear wife-beater T’s. Well, you get my drift.

I do watch NASCAR. I’ve never been to a live race, but I do often watch it on TV. I find the telecast of NASCAR intriguing. The sport is a fantastic marketing machine. No sport televises as well. Not even close.

I’m up-to-date enough to know that Toyota has been on a roll this season winning 14 of 21 races. I know the Chevy teams have been complaining that they want the “new” engine so they can be competitive. I don’t profess to understand why Chevy didn’t give it to them. But I really don’t understand NASCAR’s latest move to ratchet down the horsepower of the Toyotas.

In a game where pushing to be your best and do your best seems the goal - it seems odd to penalize a team (any team) for performing better than the others! Rather than have the other (non-Toyota) teams dig it out and elevate their game to compete, NASCAR decided to put a harness on the Toyota teams so the poorer performing teams would have a fighting chance.

It’d be like the NFL taking draft picks away from the top 4 teams in each conference so the other teams could better compete. I don’t get it. But then again, I don’t have an eagle on the hood of my Trans Am.

Truth in advertising. Honesty. When it’s easy, it’s quite easy. When it’s hard, well - that’s when people lie.

If you visit classmates.com you’ll find the following Story Wizard designed to help you write “your story.” I wonder what percentage of people answer these questions at all. And I wonder how many answer them truthfully like I did. I fear I’ve revealed way too much, but I cannot tell a lie. Here are my answers:

1. How do you hope old friends remember you?

Answer: As being much younger and more popular.

2. I always wanted to be a (blank) when I grew up. My family and friends though that was a (blank) idea. As it turns out, they were (blank).

Answer: cartoonist/writer (in first blank) / ridiculous (second blank) / idiots (third blank)

3. How do you blow off steam? Describe your favorite way to relax.

Answer: sex / ditto

4. What’s the wildest thing you ever did in school?

Answer: show up

5. If I’m going to work somewhere, I need to have (blank), and (blank) and (blank) to be able to deal with the day-to-day.

Answer: Dr. Pepper, snacks and wireless hi-speed Internet

6. Do you have a hero? Talk about where your inspiration comes from.

Answer: Wonder Woman / (I’m not sure what one has to do with the other really?) I’m mostly uninspired

7. Where have you lived? Why did you move?

Answer: Classmates only allows 20,000 characters to supply ALL the answers. I omitted this question due to insufficient space to provide the answer.

8. The one person from my past who I’d most like to see again is (blank / blank), because (blank).

Answer: the guy in junior high to racked me (I don’t know his name) / so I could knock his nads up into his throat

9. Sports. Reality TV. Pets. Share your obsessions.

Answer: sex

10. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you expect. What’s been your biggest surprise?

Answer: Everything in life shocks me. I’m in a constant state of amazement.

11. If I could improve my home, I’d remodel (blank) and add on a (blank). My dream home would be (blank).

Answers: almost every room (first blank) / bowling alley (second blank) / paid for (last blank)

12. Parent? Share what you’ve learned from your kids.

Answer: Yes, I have one. Yes, I am one. That I’m an idiot and they’re not. I never figured out how parents who are morons can birth geniuses.

13. Which teacher would you love to see again? Why?

Answer: A 4th grade teacher I shall not name because if something bad has happened to her I don’t want the cops to visit me. Because I’d like to berate her like she berated us. An awful teacher!

14. If I won $100 million, I’d give (blank) of it to (blank), then spend the rest on (blank) and (blank).

Answer: $15 million to establish a foundation (invested so the passive income could continually donate to good causes) / spending wouldn’t likely be what I’d do; rather, I’d invest and architect a life of service (and writing)

15. Ever live in a dorm? Join the Greek system? Talk about campus life.

Answer: I only visited dorms, which is why I never lived in one.

16. To be truly happy, you would be where, doing what, with whom?

Answer: Happiness is highly overrated. I stopped looking for it decades ago. Happiness hides too well.

17. My current age is (blank). When I was 12, I thought that people my age now would be (blank). I was so completely (blank).

Answer: undisclosed (first blank) / dead (second blank) / stupid (third blank)

18. Working hard? Reveal your career aspirations.

Answer: yes / no ambitions or aspirations

19. What happened to your first crush?

Answer: It worked. I was crushed.

20. My best friend would tell you I’m (blank), but people who don’t know me very well would probably describe me as (blank).

Answer: entertaining (first blank) / entertaining (second blank)

21. Still dress like you did 10 (or 20) years ago? Talk style.

Answer: I still dress like I did when I was a toddler, but now I wear dark socks. I’ll talk style when you talk money.

22. What’s the weirdest job you ever had?

Answer: All my jobs have been weird.

23. I share my home with (blank), which I find (blank).

Answer: dogs (first blank) / gassy (second blank)

24. Got trophies on your mantel? Share a big victory.

Answer: World’s Best Lover / winning my wife was my biggest victory (it was her worst defeat)

25. You get one do-over. What do you do differently?

Answer: One do-over profits me nothing. I need many, many more.

26. In 10 years, I hope to be (blank). I’m going to get there by (blank).

Answer: alive (first blank) / living (second blank)

27. Talk about your oldest friend? How you met and why you clicked.

Answer: he’s 93 / I knew his parents, we clicked because I laughed at how he whistled his S’s

28. What about you would surprise everyone at your high school reunion?

Answer: My tremendous wealth and stunning good looks. Those attributes would slightly overshadow my quick wit.

29. My first job was at (blank), where I got paid (blank) to (blank). What I remember most about it is (blank).

Answer: a blacksmith shop / 5 cents a day / shoe horses and fix wagon wheels / the heat

30. Share a childhood memory you’ll never forget

Answer: Apprenticing at a blacksmith shop