Entries from December 2006 ↓

“You don’t know —- from Shinola!”

Well, I’m hardly THAT stupid. Here’s a picture of Shinola. You can get your own picture of the other stuff.

I also know it’s time to step away and take a brief break. My shoes are in dire need of Shinola. So I’ll be fetching my shine box and using the Shinola while I stop blogging for awhile.

I’ll be back when I run out of Shinola. There seems to be a never ending supply of that other stuff.

Incongruous - an adjective meaning -
1. out of keeping or place; inappropriate; unbecoming: an incongruous effect; incongruous behavior.
2. not harmonious in character; lacking harmony of parts: an incongruous mixture of architectural styles.
3. inconsistent: actions that were incongruous with their professed principles.

Incongruous conduct or things confuse us. We can’t understand them. Which is why they’re incongruous. The presence of one thing doesn’t fit with the presence of something else. The one way sign pointing one direction makes no sense because of the opposing one way sign pointing in the opposite direction.

Then there are other situations with so many confusing elements that we just can’t make heads or tails of it. Incongruous overload.

It’s true that confusion and incongruity are not exactly the same thing. Incongruity always results in confusion. Not all confusion is caused by incongruity.

These physical circumstances are confusing, but far less frustrating (from my point of view) than the incongruous behavior of people. If I’m looking for a park and see the sign above, I just keep moving. It’s not worth the time or effort to sort through the information to see if it applies to me. Maybe I’m abnormal though. But people confuse me even more with their incongruous behavior.

A boy begins dating a girl. The relationship seems to be going along quite nicely. He helps move the relationship forward by continuing to ask her out. She responds with positive signs by accepting his invitations. They seem to have a good time together. In time they even are heard to utter the “L” word to each other. So far, so good. He says all the right things, but she’s confused because he’s not very attentive. He doesn’t greet her with a kiss or any show of affection. He doesn’t open the door for her. He does hold her hand. Seemingly little things begin to drive her out of her mind. Why?

He’s incongruous. It’s confusing. Does he really love her? He says so. But he doesn’t act as though he does. She can’t live with this incongruity. She breaks up and moves on in search of a relationship that makes sense. He may or may not have a clue about what went wrong. His “get-it-factor” is very low and there’s little she can do to change it. She did the right thing by moving on.

Incongruous behavior isn’t limited to boys dating girls. We’ve all experienced this. We’re talking with somebody and we think they have invited us somewhere. But we’re not sure. They’re acting like they’re inviting us, but it’s just not clear enough. They end the conversation and we’re left to wonder if we’re supposed to show up or not. Afterwards we’re frustrated by our own timidity. Why didn’t we just ask them point blank, “Are you asking me if I’ll join you?” At the time, we were just too embarrassed to ask. So we left confused. And wondering what the other person is expecting of us. If we show up we risk making fools of ourselves. We pass up a good opportunity to do something cool (maybe) or we risk hurting their feelings if we don’t show up. Incongruous situations create stress.

New employees often experience this. I started a job once and when the first payday arrived I was surprised. “Wait a minute, this isn’t what I thought I agreed to,” I said to myself. So I muster up the courage to ask the boss. After talking in circles he explains he’ll take care of it. And walks off. What does that mean? Will he issue me another check? Does he wants this check back? Do I have to wait until the next paycheck? I’m confused. And feeling more like an idiot with every passing moment (mainly for going to work for such a moron). Why didn’t I just make him clarify it for me? And does he think I’m asking for more, when I’m only asking for what I thought we agreed to?

The reason we tolerate incongruous behavior is because we don’t want to look stupid. We don’t want to be confused. It’s the same phenomenon you’ll find if you’re giving instruction to any group. Ask them if they all understand and the odds are high every head will nod, “sure we understand.” They may be completely clueless, but they won’t let on. They’d rather suffer confusion than embarrassment to publicly admit, “I have no idea what you’re saying.”

Business people are often incongruous. I’m convinced some are that way intentionally. Others are just pathetic communicators. Some are incongruous thinkers, which leads them to be incongruous communicators.

“Things are going incredibly well,” says a business man. On and on the conversation goes. As you listen you realize he’s talking of various challenges and hurdles. You begin to wonder, “What is going well?” You listen some more and he’s excited about the future. “Things are going to be dynamite,” he continues. Then he continues to lament the troubles. Very confusing.

Sadly, I’ve had far too many conversations like that. Rarely do I stop and say what I’d like. “Listen, what is so stinking incredible? You’re complaining left and right. I’m not hearing one thing that leads me to believe things are going well, much less incredible. Why don’t you tell me what you’re talking about?”

Even more frustrating are the times when you do attempt to find clarification and find it impossible. It’s like asking a politician to be more clear. Good luck.

It goes something like this —

Friend: “Things are great. We’re making tons of money.”
Me: “Wonderful. How much have you made this month?”
Friend: “We’ve got more deals coming in than we’ve ever had. We’re turning business down.”
Me: “Well, that’s a great problem to have. How much will you make this month?”
Friend: “I’ve got to get 4 deals closed by the end of next week. I just don’t have enough time to handle it all.”
Me: “You certainly don’t want to keep turning down business, do you? How much business will you close by the end of the month?”
Friend: “Oh, we want to be picky so turning down some business isn’t problematic. It’s just like the flood gates have opened.”
Me: “How much money would this flood represent for you this month?”

On and on it goes. Never a clear answer. Never a clear statement. Confusion leads to mistrust. Is he really making any money at all? Is he doing well or just trying to make me think he’s doing well? He’s incongruous and I’m distrustful. It’s the end result of almost all incongruous behavior.

If I can’t resolve the messages you send, I’m not trusting you. It’s as simple as that.

If I behave in ways that are impossible for you to resolve, or make sense of - then you’re an idiot if you trust me. Trust requires clear communication - body language, words, tone, actions and all the rest of those things we use to “speak” to one another.

Speaking your mind is vital. Asking important, even seemingly embarrassing questions is a must. Each of us must find clarity.

Stop at nothing to get the clarity you need. Being confused is not a long-term option. Short-term confusion is bad enough, but keep your confusion as short as possible. Your motto when it comes to confusion must be, “Be brief.” Keep it as brief as possible. Take charge yourself. Do not rely on the other person to provide clarity without your prodding. Be large and in charge to conquer confusion.

Eliminate incongruous situations by demanding clarity - and behavior that is consistent with the message (or messages that are consistent with behavior). Abused wives would be better served if they left the husband who says he loves her after he’s beaten her half to death. Employees would be better off if they left jobs where bosses promise them better tomorrows while making all their todays as miserable as possible. Incongruous situations take a heavy toll on all our lives because when trust is lost, or cannot be established, we’re left with nothing!

“The risk of insult is the price of clarity.” -Roy H. Williams

“The risk of distrust is the price of incongruity.” - Leonard Klaatu

He was the youngest son of legendary Texas oilman, H.L. Hunt. Lamar Hunt had been battling prostrate cancer for some time. He died last night at Presbyterian Hospital of Dallas.

Among his many sports related accomplishment was the naming of the SuperBowl. The World Championship Game was renamed SuperBowl by Lamar after watching his kids play with a SuperBall.

By all accounts he was gracious and humble. He owned 11% of the Chicago Bulls yet never visited the Bulls’ locker room, or met Michael Jordan. He attended all their games during their championship run.

He’s in 3 hall of fames for professional sports: soccer, tennis and football. Pretty incredible feat.

Read more about him in the Dallas Morning News.

Last night, with the help of Bob Costas, the Dallas Cowboys unveiled the new stadium design. One billion dollars worth of cool. Many cool features, among them a 60 yard wide screen suspended over the field facing both sides. Sixty yards! Yes, folks. Things ARE bigger in Texas.

Take a virtual tour.

The veteran character actor died Tuesday evening in New York after a long battle with multiple myeloma and heart disease. Best known as Raymond’s dad, Frank, in “Everybody Loves Raymond,” Boyle was in many movies including Taxi Driver and Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein. Click here for more.

Read the New York Times report here.

Surface tension is explained by hyperphysics as an effect within the surface layer of a liquid that causes that layer to behave as an elastic sheet. It’s the magic that allows us to fill a glass of water above the rim of the glass without spilling over, if we’re very careful. It’s the same principle that allows us to put a needle or paperclip on top of the water (as pictured above).

This bug understands that it works. I doubt the bug understands how.

Kids are fascinated with magic of this sort. We all learned the cool experiments we could perform back in junior high, or earlier. Maybe schools need to do more of this real world magic stuff to engage students in the pursuit of the hard sciences. But I digress.

Surface tension crawled to the front of my mind the other day when I began to pour a soft drink into a glass and as the foam rose to the top it slowly rose well above the rim of the glass. I was careful and it never overflowed. Surface tension. I hadn’t thought of it for a very long time.

At the time I was pouring the soft drink I was engaged in thoughtful consideration of some life issues (I’m always engaged in thoughtful consideration of life issues). Tension is often part of life. That fine line where the liquid reaches a point where it can remained contained or spill over became a focal point of my thoughts for the next few days.

There are many elements of surface tension, but my focus fell to that one aspect - the point of containment vs. the point of spillage. I began to realize we may all have our point. Some call it the breaking point. That’s as good a label as any. And it appropriately describes what happens.

The liquid, in my case - Diet Dr. Pepper, either reaches a point where it breaks loose and spills over, or it doesn’t. I’m not a scientist. I don’t know where that point is. I just know I kept pouring slowly hoping to avoid that breaking point. Yet I was captivated with pushing the level higher - to see how high it might go. Eventually, I ran out of Diet Dr. Pepper and fortunately, the breaking point was never found. But if my bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper had been larger, would I have discovered the breaking point? Or, would I have stopped? Don’t know.

Surface tension happens in life. We pour (or push) the proverbial envelope to see just far things will go before they give way. What is it that attracts us to that edge? Why do we want to see surface tension in action?

Sometimes we’re not the one doing the pouring. It can be a boss or some other person in our life who is pouring. And we aren’t in control of the forces that cause surface tension, but we are in control of surface tension to the degree that we can determine the breaking point.

Are we fascinated with surface tension or are we more fascinated with seeing how far we can push it before reaching the breaking point? Maybe we’re captivated by seeing how long we hang on without breaking.

My surface tension is reaching the breaking point in some areas of life. And that’s probably a good thing. In fact, I know it is. The energy expended to hang on is sometimes better spent spilling over. Being contained isn’t always best.

Will today be the day I spill over? I don’t know. Surface tension is still pretty strong, but weakening. Other forces are always at work. As I weigh the pros and cons of hanging on or spilling over - I hope to have wisdom to know when the point has come to let go and spill over. It’s coming. I’m watching it carefully.

Tonight at 7pm the Athletic Director at The University of North Texas is going to introduce Todd Dodge as the new head football coach. Word has been buzzing about town all day about this pending announcement.

Todd Dodge is the local famous high school football coach at Southlake-Carroll. He is Mr. Friday Night Lights in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. Going from a 5A high school program to the head job of an NCAA Div. 1A program, albeit UNT, is quite a leap.

Here’s what dragonstuffonline has to say about Dodge:

“Todd Dodge became head coach of the Carroll Dragons in 2000 after a successful collegiate career at the University of Texas, serving as Offensive Coordinator at North Texas, and head coaching stints at Cameron Yoe, Carrolton Newman-Smith, and Keller Fossil Ridge. Overcoming an extremely difficult pre-season schedule, Todd led his initial team, and the last to call old Dragon Stadium home, to a 9-5 record, a district championship, and advanced to the regional finals. In 2002, he coached the Dragons to a State Championship in their first year in Class 5-A. In 2004, the Dragons took the State Championship again and were recognized as the National High School Champions by USA Today.”

I’m sure folks over in Southlake are mourning the departure of their coach, but he’s got a semi-final game to coach this Saturday against the Allen, Texas (a northern suburb of Dallas) Eagles. Kickoff is scheduled for 1pm at Texas Stadium.

Will Dodge bring his coaching genius to Denton? Will he recruit his son, who is the quarterback of Southlake-Carroll (and senior next year)? Time will tell.

I think it was a great move by UNT to get a local guy with a solid reputation. Now speculation is that Mr. Bomar (OU ex-bad boy) may migrate up to Denton to play for coach Dodge. It’s way too early to see who will come play, but I’d guess many more will head toward Denton with him at the helm.

Who could blame him? He can stay in Southlake where his son will be a senior at Southlake-Carroll and where his daughter (now a middle schooler) may be able to graduate high school. He can get a big pay raise. He can take along some of his assistant coaches and help them climb the ladder to greater coaching success. He can help the administration at Southlake figure out who his successor should be - after all, he’s got a vested interest to have the best coach possible for his son’s final year of high school. It all makes pretty solid sense really. Especially if they pay in excess of $500,000 (speculation is it will be somewhere around that number, while others are speculating it will be half that - who knows?). I say, “Good move.” Everybody wins (well, maybe not Southlake-Carroll, but I’ll bet they keep the mojo rolling forward with whoever replaces Dodge).

Click here for an update.

HALIFAX, Nova Scotia (AP) - A daughter of hockey great Bob Gainey was still missing Monday after she was washed overboard in the Atlantic during a storm while working on a sailing ship bound for the Caribbean.

A Canadian C-130 Hercules has joined the search for Laura Gainey, who was thrown from the 180-foot boat Friday night and was not wearing a lifejacket. The search aircraft relieved an American plane that had been scouring the ocean for the 25-year-old daughter of the Montreal Candiens‘ general manager.

Matthew Brooks, a civilian search and rescue specialist with the U.S. Coast Guard, said there was still no sign of her.

She was aboard the Picton Castle, a training vessel, when a wave tossed her into the sea about 475 miles southeast of Cape Cod, Mass. The crew dropped radar deflectors and lighted buoys in the water when they realized she was missing.

Brooks said U.S. air rescuers used infrared night-vision goggles to search the dark waters late Sunday. American and Canadian search aircraft later dropped data buoys in the area.

“They talk to us via satellite, and they send us positions on the hour,” Brooks said. “This is the best way to tell us how the water is moving.”

Gainey was a good swimmer and was wearing warm protective clothing. She has been in the water about 60 waters, and the U.S. Coast Guard says life-threatening hypothermia ordinarily sets in after 36 hours.

With the weather improving Monday, two merchant vessels and the sailing ship remained in the area and a Hercules from North Carolina was expected to join the search this afternoon.

Gainey climbed aboard the square-rigged, three-masted ship last spring in Cape Town, South Africa. The ship’s Web site shows a photo of her in a swim suit and laughing.

Dan Moreland, the ship’s senior captain, said from Lunenburg she had become a “well-loved,” enthusiastic volunteer on the vessel. He described the situation as “completely devastating for everybody” on the boat. The ship is mainly used to provide adventurous holidays for anyone over 18.

The Canadiens said assistant general manager Pierre Gauthier will handle Bob Gainey’s responsibilities for now. Gainey also holds the title of executive vice president.

A member of the hockey Hall of Fame, Gainey won five Stanley Cups with Montreal during a 16-year career from 1973-89. He also won a championship as general manager of the Dallas Stars in 1999. His wife, Cathy, died of brain cancer in 1995 at 39.

Leonard’s observations…
When the Dallas Stars first arrived in Texas I went to their practice facility to watch them practice. Bob Gainey was the coach. He skated and performed the drills with the players. He was fit - and still is. You could easily see the hall of fame skills that only years earlier had won him Lord Stanley’s Cup 5 times as a player for Montreal.

Some years later I was fortunate to sit at a table with him during a Stars luncheon. He was gracious and friendly in conversation volunteering to sign a puck for me. He’s a few years older than me, but I recall thinking of how fit he was - and I recall thinking of the sadness he felt in losing his wife while she was still quite young.

Typically Canadian, Gainey never said much and publicly he was to the point and all about hockey. Private to a fault, he displayed one of the most stoic demeanors I’d seen. I’m sad for him today. And thankful that all is as well with me, and my family, as it is. I’m thinking of Bob Gainey and wishing him the very best.

New Orleans Saints 42, Dallas Cowboys 17. Guh!

The student, Saints coach Sean Payton, shakes hands with the teacher, Cowboys coach Bill Parcells. Bill’s face is priceless. Sean kicked his former boss just as hard as he could. Of course, Bill will blame everybody except himself. He’s a master at not taking responsibility.

Bring on Vick and the Falcons…