Entries from September 2006 ↓

The story below just crossed my screen. In this interview Williams utters a wonderful, truthful line. And unfortunately, it’s so true of too many people who are seeing how low they can go.

Sep 29, 9:27 PM (ET)

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Mel Gibson’s DUI arrest was a “big wake-up call” for Robin Williams, the funnyman tells “Access Hollywood” in an interview scheduled to air Monday.

“If you’re violating your standards faster than you can lower them, time to go away,” he said.

Williams, 55, announced that he was seeking treatment for alcoholism less than two weeks after Gibson’s high-profile arrest in late July.

“Well, if (rehab) was good enough for him, I’ll go,” Williams said. “I just think it was kind of like, well, he’s in, let’s go now.”

Williams said he had been sober for 20 years when he started drinking again.

His latest film, “Man of the Year,” hits theaters Oct. 13.

Commencement addresses can be quite interesting. Periodically I read them to see what advice is being given. Some are boring. Some are not. Here’s one from Steve Jobs that is worth reading.

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

The following is from the Dallas Stars website.

The Dallas Stars announced today that the team has named left wing Brenden Morrow team captain. Morrow becomes just the fifth player to wear the “C” since the Stars came to Dallas in 1993.

“We’re looking to expand Brenden Morrow’s role in our leadership group and we feel that the time is right to do this,” said Stars Head Coach Dave Tippett. “Mike Modano and Sergei Zubov will act as assistant captains and will support Brenden in every way.”

Morrow, 27, signed a six-year contract extension with the Stars last Thursday that keeps him under contract with Dallas through the 2012-2013 season. Last season, he appeared in 81 games with the Stars, recording 23 goals and 42 assists for 65 points with 183 penalty minutes and a +30 rating. He set career-highs in assists and points and was the only player in the NHL last season to register more than 20 goals and over 125 penalty minutes.

During the 2006 playoffs against Colorado, he collected six points (1-5-6) in five games. The 5-11, 205-pound left wing tied for the team lead in playoff assists and points. In 53 career playoff games, Morrow has posted six goals and 18 assists for 24 points.

The Stars’ first round selection (25th overall) in the 1997 NHL Entry Draft, Morrow has appeared in 451 career NHL games (all with Dallas). Over his NHL career, he has tallied 120 goals and 149 assists for 269 points with 758 penalty minutes. Since coming into the league in 1999-00, he has the best plus/minus of any Dallas player (+98) and has never been a “minus” player in a season.

“This is an honor and a privilege to serve as captain of the Dallas Stars,” said Morrow. “When I look around our locker room and I see all of the leaders we have in Mike Modano, Sergei Zubov, Jere Lehtinen, Stu Barnes, Darryl Sydor, Jeff Halpern, Eric Lindros, Marty Turco, just to name a few — I realize how important it is to have a group of leaders that rally together to accomplish great things. I look forward to the challenges that lie ahead for this team and for me.”

Note: I love this news!

Stories abound about people who failed to see the opportunity when it knocked. In hindsight every missed chance appears quite foolish. However, if we were able to go back and see things as they appeared at that moment, most of us would have made the same foolish choice and passed. Perhaps those who trudge headlong into those opportunities are really the wisest among us. They’re able to see past the logic of the risk.

Most of us are like the big fish. We see an apparent risk-free opportunity and jump on it. There’s little chance of that smaller fish doing any harm to that bigger fish - unless he’s toxic to the big fish. Life is all about risk and reward. Few dare to seize the most obvious opportunities.

I’ve heard all kinds of stories about missed opportunities. Businessmen have lamented chances to own decent percentages of companies that went public, or were purchased, resulting in tremendous returns. At the time, the risks just seemed enormous.

When two young businessmen named Cuban and Wagner offer a company a percentage stake in their young enterprise, broadcast.com, for $1 million — who could have seen the opportunity to accomplish anything other than the loss of $1 million. Don’t even bother doing the math. The missed opportunities is a ridiculous amount.

When a young Nolan Bushnell gave somebody the chance to buy into his upstart, Atari, who could have seen the opportunity for anything except utter failure and the loss of their investment. Pong would forever alter entertainment by spurring on the video gaming revolution. Ralph Baer invented the game, but Bushnell was the driving force that brought it to market - and got rich in the process.

Opportunity knocks. Some people hear it. Some ignore the sound and are paralyzed with fear of losing something.

Others hear fake knocks better left ignored, fearlessly keeping their losing streak alive (often with dreams of getting rich). They make one poor choice after another, unable to recognize opportunities from scams.

The rarest hear the knock, listen and decide to answer. They have a keener discernment of the risk and the reward. They’re luckier perhaps because sometimes they hit. But sometimes they miss. Unlike most of us they see something invisible to most. They have a recognition or fearlessness others don’t.

Some light goes off in their head and their gut tells them, “Go for it.” Their instincts direct them to take the chance - perhaps in the face of seemingly bad odds. They risk it. They either lose. Or they win. What do they know that we may not know?

I’ve concluded only one thing, but it’s powerfully important.

They know that if you don’t play - there’s no chance for winning. Losing, or the risk of losing, is just part of the game. They don’t take losing as fatal or permanent. It’s merely a potential step in the process toward winning.

Historically news was gathered methodically over the course of time. Newspapers with an evening deadline took all day to get their story. Magazines took weeks. Even electronic mediums (radio/TV) were unable to respond immediately unless luck was on their side. Or, as in the case of the Kennedy assassination, Cronkite was directing things from New York while Dan Rather was on the ground in Dallas. Chaos ensued. The story was unfolding right before our eyes and news delivery changed. Then CNN altered news gathering dramatically when they connected reporters from all over the globe. Many of them were stringers, freelancers hired for the moment. News gather began to become news.

Today, the Internet gives news mediums websites that can be updated in an instance. Bloggers are able to create and forward information based on the speed of their connection and typing. Broadcasters can interrupt regular programming with instant reports, or stay on the air as the story unravels. The Smoking Gun is able to get information online fast thanks to the countless sources in cyberspace. The Onion and other sites do the same thing. Everybody with a computer and hi-speed connection is a potential source for news for these, and many other sites.

Today in Dallas the news has centered around a professional athlete, Terrell Owens. The story has unfolded throughout the day as the public has been tuned to radio and TV observing every report - whether it was confirmed or not, whether it was speculation or not, whether it was true or not. It’s how we’ve learned to get the news today. It may also explain why we’re so skeptical - even cynical.

Can you imagine Watergate happening in today’s world? Reporters analyze, speculate and repeat themselves. Reporting the news is not really the game today. It’s more about sharing the news gathering experience with the audience, warts and all.

Groups use it as a war tactic. Sometimes in the name of religion. Every day we hear the phrase, “suicide bomber.” Iraq seems to have an endless supply of people willing to die for their cause, or their hatred. It’s been a common practice among terrorists for decades. Before that the U.S. armed forces stationed in Pearl Harbor experienced the novelty of the Japanese kamikaze pilots. Long before that Judas hung himself because of his betrayal against Jesus. Rational minds grapple with the concept.

This morning bright and early Dallas learned that the highest profile professional athlete in town attempted suicide last night by overdosing on pain medication. Terrell Owens.

At this point it appears he overdosed on up to 35 pills of some sort. He broke his hand in the last game, over a week ago. Surgery put him back together. However, all appeared well (as well as it ever does with T.O.’s world). He was on a morning local TV show, spoke at two local high schools and attended the Cowboy’s practice (no, he didn’t practice), then around 7:30 last night a 911 call asked for help. A female made the call saying she had tried to pry his mouth open to retrieve the pills. Dallas Fire & Rescue responded, along with Dallas Police. According to the police report it was an attempted suicide.

Any armchair therapist could tell you this person wasn’t normal. Constantly seeking attention is how he lives his entire life. Everything is about him. So it’s not terribly shocking to me that he’s a troubled soul - assuming the story is true. And even if it’s not, he needs some serious help to deal with whatever motivates him to live in such a chaotic way.

Twice he has busted up professional teams by being so vocally discontent. Immensely talented, you’d think somebody in his life could help him. Sadly, his money probably makes that almost impossible. Those who have a piece of him have their own agenda - and it’s not always his best interest except as it relates to money (because they benefit from that).

How does a person get to a place so dark that suicide seems a reasonable escape? According to one resource, it’s not chosen. It happens when pain outweighs the resources for coping with pain, according to this resource.

Everybody experiences pain - every day. Most of us effectively cope with the pain in our lives. It may not always be the appropriate pain. Maybe we go home and kick the dog. Maybe we go home and yell at our spouse, or kids, or both. Maybe we get in the car and drive fast. Frankly, pain can be so severe that we all do stupid things - irrational things. Perhaps even things that could kill us, unintentionally. Risky behavior can hit any of us at any time. Most of us never contemplate killing ourselves though.

Today, in Dallas suicide is getting top billing. No doubt we’ll hear all about suicide and attempted suicide. I’m sure we’ll be given stats and facts that many of us never knew before. The collective learning will be a good thing. The fact remains that everyday somebody sees suicide as a way to deal with their pain.

UPDATE (11am) - Deion Sanders now says he has talked with Terrell Owens and he’s laughing at the reported story. Owens told Sanders that he suspected he had a reaction with some supplements he takes. Sanders is reporting that Owens did not attempt suicide. We’re supposed to hear from T.O. within the hour. Stay tuned.

On a side note, Owens is quite capable of using this, and all other stories, to his benefit by keeping himself in the news. His call for attention is never ceasing. He needs help even if he didn’t attempt suicide.

UPDATE (12:12pm) - Owens is expected to make a statement at 12:30pm. Supposedly, he’s fine and this story is incorrect. He was reportedly seen leaving Baylor Medical with a smile and thumbs up sign to reporters. He’s home now in his Deep Ellum digs, where he’ll deliver a message to the anxious public. Who but Owens could trump the death of Byron Nelson? He’s a master at self-promotion, that’s for sure. Stay tuned.

UPDATE (12:40pm) - Owens has now announced he will not address the media from his house. He’s going to address the media from the Cowboys facility in Valley Ranch at 2:30pm after coach Parcell’s scheduled press conference at 1:30pm. Fortunately, Bob and Dan are at the Cowboys’ facility where they’ve got the Drew Bledsoe show live. Bledsoe is supposed to (a) address the team in the locker room (not for broadcast or public consumption), or (b) address the media (which will be broadcast and for public consumption) around 2pm. At 2:15pm he’s going to go on the air with Bob and Dan. Then Owens will conduct his press conference at 2:30pm. Stay tuned.

UPDATE (2:15pm) - Bledsoe told BAD (Bob and Dan) radio that he spoke with Owens and this whole deal “got blown out of proportion.” Hoax? Self-promotion campaign? Something else? Who knows. Dallas is accustomed to the spin doctors at Valley Ranch. We’re still waiting to hear directly from Owens. I’m personally waiting to see if we hear from Drew Rosenhaus, the agent for Owens. He’s so articulate and forth-coming. NOT.

FINAL UPDATE (2:44pm) - Owens and his publicist appeared. Owens claimed his supplements evidently conflicted with the pain medication. He became unresponsive and his publicist dialed 911. She denies what the police report says - that she told the medical personnel that he was depressed. He denies that he attempted suicide claiming that he wasn’t coherent enough to clearly respond to questions. It would seem ridiculous that he did attempt suicide given the way he talks today - and the fact that he’s already out of the hospital. We’re told that real suicide attempts are required to go through a 72 hour psych evaluation. That certainly didn’t happen with Owens - if indeed he was attempting to kill himself.

There’s something we don’t know. We don’t know what happened last night to cause the 911 call. We don’t know what really happened. We may never know. Here’s what I do know:

- Owens managed to get on the home page of every major media in the country from CNN to Fox News to Yahoo.com.

- Owens managed to stop all the talk of Bryan Nelson’s death yesterday. It’s barely been mentioned today. And Nelson was a Dallas icon for decades with a locally-based tournament bearing his name (the only golf tournament that bears the name of a professional golfer).

- Owens managed to get every major news organization to descend on Valley Ranch. Press conferences that normally have 20-30 people each week ballooned up past 300.

- Owens managed to elevate his already high visibility.

Other than that, like Sgt. Schultz, “I know nothing.” As Richard Nixon would say, “plausible deniability.”

Tonight, while watching Law & Order: Criminal Intent, I learned something I had no knowledge of - high-frequency cell ring tones used by teenagers so adults, particularly teachers in a classroom, can’t hear them ring. I found a website that has an mp3 of two popular ring tones. As a middle-aged guy, I can’t hear either one of them. My dogs ears didn’t even perk up when I played them repeatedly. Makes a fella wonder what other sounds he’s not hearing. Makes a fella wonder if there’s a way to not hear some other things, without going deaf of course.

I followed Law & Order with a wonderful show, Boston Legal. It’s my vital dose of sarcasm. It’s quite popular with many other folks, too. My therapist says I need more than one dose a week so I’m always searching for new sources. Okay, so I don’t have a therapist, but if I did I’m sure she’d strongly prescribe “more sarcasm.” And I’d be duty bound to oblige. In fact, tomorrow I may make an appointment to see if I could get such a prescription. Then I can hit work and be just as smart-mouthed as I want to be without reprisal. That’d be worth the price of a therapist. Whip out that prescription every time somebody hard times me about it.

Boston Legal always teaches me something. Mainly, it teaches me that great writers are still out there working in television. David E. Kelly is brilliant. He’s one year younger than me, but when I grow up - I want to be David E. Kelly.

Sarcasm is a lovely thing. Somebody even wrote about “The Anatomy of Sarcasm.” Deep stuff. Sort of takes all the fun out of it, if you ask me. Even so, learning more about sarcasm leans me more toward wisdom.

Working in an atmosphere like the offices of Crane, Poole & Schmidt would be terrific. It’d be fun and stimulating. Somehow I can’t see law offices of any of the bright attorneys I know being anything close to that. I admit I don’t know that many litigators, so that crowd might be more capable of quick witted retorts.

I think we should all give more time to pre-thinking our sarcasm. I plan to start writing down ideas tonight for possible use at work tomorrow. I know people aren’t able to execute those quick-witted-one-liners in real life. But, perhaps if we all scripted our talk like David E. Kelly scripts Boston Legal - then we could all have lots more fun (or get ourselves fired, but even that might be fun). Thanks, Boston Legal.

What did mankind ever do before cardboard?

According to Wikipedia it was first invented in China in the 15th century. Clever, those Chinese. In the 19th century corrugation was invented - the pleating of cardboard to make it stronger. It was first used inside tall hats. In 1871 it was patented for packaging.

By the start of the 20th century corrugated cardboard boxes began to replace the custom made wooden crates. Talk about a reduction in cost. And modern men think the ocean going container transformed shipping (and it did). I’d argue the cardboard box had an equally drastic change on shipping and storing.

Kellogg was the first to use cardboard to package product - corn flakes. Today, cardboard packaging is commonplace among the manufacturers of the world.

Companies like Uline specialize in cardboard and packaging materials. I went there this morning to get some boxes for a moving project. I can’t imagine having to use wooden crates to move stuff.

I’ve seen pictures of cardboard houses, cardboard boats and cardboard furniture. I guess the possibilities with cardboard are as broad as human imagination.

The Uline warehouse is an enormous warehouse full of cardboard and packaging peanuts. Yes, that is a lot of cardboard. I was quite impressed with their friendliness and the atmosphere. It seemed like a nice place to work. And to think they owe their work to some Chinese person who lived centuries ago. And I owe a big thanks to that same Chinese person for making my packing/moving job all that much easier. Sa-lute!

No. It’s not.

Challenges at work and in our personal life often demand conversation. People need to talk about the issues - the problems. They need to talk through possible solutions and ideas that might help.

I confess that a work environment where the boss talks and everybody else had better just shut up and listen to Yoda speak has often led me to be a more accomplished monologist in my own life. Not a good thing. Not a proud accomplishment. I’m sorry. (A bit of self-applied psychotherapy has helped me figure out a thing or two lately. It’s quite odd how you can mirror behavior you’re constantly subjected to, even though you despise it.)

The frustrations of not being heard are bad enough, but when you can’t get a word in edgewise you might as well not be present. At least if you’re able to speak there’s a chance (sometimes only slight) that something you say will actually land into a brain that understands.

It seems I run across more people all the time who pine about not being heard. While half the people are talking the other half may be considering various submission holds that could be used on the other half. It’s impossible (well, it’s possible, but certainly unproductive) for everybody to talk at the same time. Meaningful conversations are dialogues where there is the giving and receiving of information, ideas and thoughts. Sounds wonderful, huh?

“I’m the boss. Listen to me. Because I’m smarter than you. I have more money than you. Therefore, I’m more important than you. So, you’d better listen up, buddy, and listen up good!”

Yes, we’ve all experienced it. The big shot in charge feels they have more to say than the rest of us, and unfortunately, they’ve got the power and forum to say it. The boss spouts forth whatever he wants like a radio talk show host who won’t take phone calls. Nobody else gets to speak. It’s his show, his airtime. He’s in charge. Employees are stuck like deer in headlights. Sometimes, my eyes actually roll back and I loose consciousness.

Here’s what the boss cannot do - make you listen! You may not have a choice to hear. Well, you could insert ear buds from your iPod into your ears. That works only if you have sealed earbuds that restrict all external incoming sounds. Be careful with the volume of the iPod. You don’t want to damage your ears from ever hearing. You just want to restrict the words of the moment. I really want a pair of these earbuds from Ultimate Ears. They would certainly work well. I’m saving my money for a pair.

Feigning is easy and most effective (and not quite as rebellious in appearance as the earbud thing). Pretend you’re listening. Take notes even. Show you’re engaged. Then, when it’s over - throw away those notes and get on with your life. How many of us do that every single day? How many hours a week are wasted because we’ve had to endure tripe?

The worst of it is the loss of knowledge and wisdom. Collaboration is killed when there is a single voice rambling over all others. Dialogue is non-existent. Ideas are suppressed. It’s a sad loss of productivity and morale. Senseless doesn’t do it justice. Criminal isn’t technically correct, but that more aptly describes the consequences.

Provide others a chance to speak. Make sure you don’t mirror the behavior of the ruffian who hijacks your professional life. Foster dialogue with others at work, at home and everywhere you go. Work harder at being a good listener. Effective listening is active, not passive.

Life will be fuller. Knowledge will grow deeper. Wisdom will grow closer.

Keep on leaning…